FIFTEEN  CENT  ECMANGES. 


WILL  "W  ^r*F*3L.ESS 

THE  FREAKS  ASD  F03:U5ES  OF  A  NEWSBOY. 

ORNUM  &  CO.,  Polishers,  New  York. 

L.  A.  BARTHr INDIANAPOLIS,  IND. 


WILL  WAFFLES; 


OR,  THE 

FREAKS  AND  FORTUNES  OF  A  NEWSBOY. 


BY 


JOHN  F.  COWAN, 


AUTHOR  OF  "  THE  MYSTERIES  OE  THE  NIGHT,"  "  FATRIOT  SPY  0* 
BRAtfDYWINE,"  ETC.,  ETC. 


NEW  YORK, 

ORNUM  &  COMPANY,  PUBLISHERS, 
Beekman  Street 


WILL  WAFFLES: 


OB 

THE  FSEAE3  A3TI>  FORTUNES  OF  A  NEWSBOY, 


By  John  F.  Cowan. 


CHAPTER  L 

QUICK  SALES — A  SPECIAL  ENGAGEMENT. 

A  wild  sloggy  evening  had  closed  over  the  Empire  City. 

A  fierce  wind  whirled  through  the  thoroughfares  in  so  irregular 
a  manner,  that  it  would  have  puzzled  a  conjuror  to  tell  which  of  the 
four  corners  of  the  earth  (if  the  earth  has  corners),  it  hailed  from, 
or  which  of  the  points  of  the  compass  should  by  right  stand  god- 
father for  it  And  truly  the  godfather,  by  responsibility  of  keep- 
ing such  a  restless  rover  in  bounds,  training  him  up  in  the  way  he 
should  go,  and  performing  all  the  other  little  duties  set  forth  in  the 
prayer  book,  would  have  anything  but  a  light  undertaking. 

Rushing  along  streets,  clattering  shutters  and  creaking  signboards, 
moaning  down  basements — turning  the  iron  grating  of  the  areas 
into  mouth-organs  on  which  to  whistle  its  weird  tunes,  exploring 
alleys,  investigating  hallways,  and  howling  horrors  down  chimneys 
to  the  weather  bound  inmates  of  the  houses — on,  on  it  rushed, 
bearing  the  black  night  on  its  rapid  wings  in  fierce  pursuit  of  the 
flying  day. 

The  snow  was  deep  on  the  streets,  but  it  had  lost  all  semblance 
of  snow,  and  was  transformed  into  muddy  slush,  through  which 
man  and  beast  plowed  in  angry  recklessness. 

The  great  multitude  of  workers  were  hurrying  miserably  home- 
ward. 

The  great  flying,  screaming  crowd  of  epitomizers. 

The  actual  disseminators  of  knowledge, 

The  immediate  enlighteners  of  mankind, 

"  The  abstract  and  brief  chronicles  of  the  time," 


4 

Ui  i 


8 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


The  aiarm  clocks  that  wake  up  the  drowsy  world, 

The  ravens  that  croak  of  disaster, 

The  bearers  of  glad  tidings, 

The  trumpeters  of  grim  visaged  War, 

The  heralds  of  white  robed  Peace — 

The  Newsboys — 

"Were  abroad  in  full  force,  rushing  from  the  offices  of  the  even- 
ing papers  with  the  latest  edition,  "  as  bees  biz  out  wi'  angry 
fyke,"  bawling  like  mad,  and  scattering  away,  each  to  his  peculiar 
quarter. 

One  of  the  frequent  deadlocks  of  trucks  and  street  cars  was  in 
Ml  blast  in  Park  Row,  cartmen  and  conductors  cursing  each  other 
fervently,  passengers  growling  and  policemen  ordering  and  threat- 
ening. 

Through  this  Babylonian  confusion,  regardless  alike  of  horses' 
hoofs  and  officers'  rattans,  a  burly  man,  with  heavily  bearded  lace 
and  slouched  hat,  pushed  his  way  toward  the  City  Hall  Park.  A 
rough,  forbidding  looking  personage  he  was — dressed  in  very  coarse 
clothes,  albeit  the  wet  sleet  gave  them  a  gloss  not  properly  their 
own. 

As  he  gained  the  opposite  curb,  one  of  the  loudest  voiced  of  the 
newsboys  rushed  up  to  him,  uttering  a  flying  list  of  the  events  of 
the  day,  with  the  constantly  recurring  burden : 

"  Daily  Noo-is —  five  'clock  edition !    Daily  Noose,  sir  ? 

"Here,  boy,"  said  the  man  addressed,  drawing  close  to  the  bill- 
covered  fence  that  surrounds  the  New  Post  office  building ;  "  I  want 
tot speak  to  }'ou." 

"Can't  see  it!  Business  hours,"  cried  the  youngster;  "No 
conversation  with  the  man  at  the  wheel !    D'ye  want  the  paper?" 

"Yes,"  said  the  man,  with  his  hand  in  his  pocket/and  the  boy 
stopped  to  pull  one  from  the  bundle  of  papers  sheltered  from  the 
rain  beneath  his  rather  long  coat.    "  I'll  buy  all  you  have." 

"Oh,  come,  let  up — let  up!"  drawled  the  boy  knowingly,  as  he 
held  out  his  hand  for  the  cent.    "  That's  too  thin !" 

/What's  your  stock  worth?" 

"  'Bout  fifty  cents  retail ;  can't  'ford  to  sell  'em  at  office  price, 
and  lose  my  turn,  you  know.    You  know  how  it  is  yourself." 
"  Here  you  are,  fifty  cents." 
"  Honest  Injun  ?    Fair  shake  ?" 
"  Fair." 

"No  go  back?" 
"  No  go  back." 

"  There  ye  are,  mister,  but  I  guess  you'll  make  deuced  little  off 
of  that  raffle.    Goin'  inter  bizness?"< 

"  No,  I  don't  want  them.  Throw  them  away ;"  said  the  man, 
impatiently. 


will'  wjlfplis.  t 

"  Throw  'em  away  ?"  cried  the  boy  in  amazement  u  Not 
much,  if  I  know  myself!" 

"  I  want  you  to  go  a  message  for  me." 
"  How  will  it  pay  ?    What  is  it  ?" 

"  It'll  pay  you  ten  times  what  the  selling  of  papers  would. 
Come  with  me,  and  I'll  tell  you  what  it  is." 

"NufF  said;  I'm  a  passenger,"  cried  the  boy,  decidedly.  "But 
say,  mister,  there  aint  no  use  o'  wastin'  this  here  stock ;  mayn't  I 
set  up  Patsy  with  them  ?  He's  short  to-night.  Run  all  his  stamps 
on  policy  and  got  nary  gig." 

"  Do  what  you  like  with  them,  but  be  quick. 

"All  right,  boss.  Hi-i-i-i,  Patsy !"  screamed  the  boy  through 
his  hands,  in  a  tone  so  shrill  that  it  sounded  above  all  the  tumult 
of  the  street. 

Almost  before  the  sound  had  ceased,  a  diminutive  representative 
of  the  circulatory  fraternity  darted  across  the  street — dodging 
through  the  horses'  legs  like  a  rabbit,  and  stood  before  the  sum- 
moner  demanding  the  reason  of  the  summons. 

"  Sold  clean  out,  Patsy,  money  in  pocket  and  stock  on  hand. 
Hows  that  fbr  high?" 

Patsy  duly  expressed  his  astonishment  at  so  mysterious  a  busi- 
ness transaction  and  gently  intimated  his  firm  belief  that  his  friend 
had  forsaken  the  plain  paths  of  truth  to  indulge  in  the  exaggera- 
tions of  romance. 

"  Hush !"  cried  the  friend  behind  his  hand,  glancing  to  where 
the  man  had  strayed  on  and  was  waiting.  "  You  can  have  the 
papers.  "  I'm  a  goin'  with  him.  He  doesn't  know  me,  and  thinks 
that  I  don't  know  that  he's  Walt  Punkley.  Mebbe  not.  He's  got 
lots  o'stamps  and  I'm  jest  a  goin'  for  'em  red  hot,  you  bet.  That's 
how  the  old  thing  works  I" 

Next  moment  Patsy's  shrill  voice  was  heard  re -selling  the  stock, 
and  the  other  boy  joining  the  man,  they  went  rapidly  up  the  side 
of  the  Park  toward  the  Hall. 

"Wait  here,"  said  the  man  turning  into  the  park  and  staring 
sharply  about  him  in  the  darkness. 

The  boy  stood  still  for  a  few  seconds,  and  then,  dodging  into  the 
darkness,  he  took  a  quick  circle,  so  as  to  get  beyond  his  employer. 

"Knowledge  is  power,  they  say,"  he  said  to  himself;  "and  I'm 
blowed  if  I  arn't  goin'  to  be  powerful  if  I  can.  There's  the  game, 
I  guess." 

He  paused  behind  a  tree  near  where  the  statue  of  Washington 
used  to  stand,  before  the  entrance  of  the  building,  and  saw  by  the 
uncertain,  wafting  light  of  the  lamps  a  man  descend  the  high  stone 
steps  to  the  square  in  front,  look  up  at  the  illuminated  clock  in  the 
tower,  and  then,  with  impatient  mutterings,  re- ascend  and  shelter 


I 

10\  WILL  W1FTL1S. 

himself  from  the  storm  in  one  of  the  arches,  with  his  back  against 
the  closed  iron  railing. 

He  heard  the  heavy  plash  of  footsteps  in  the  slush,  and  saw  the 
man  he  had  called  Punkley  approach  the  steps  and  pause.  "With 
a  rapid  and  noiseless  movement  the  boy  flitted  over  to  the  further 
end  of  the  steps  and  crept  stealthily  up  into  the  shadow  of  one  of 
the  arches. 

"Hist!  Doc!  Hadley!  Is  that  you?"  came  the  short,  rapid 
whisper  of  Punkley. 

"  Yes,  I'm  inclined  to  think  so,"  answered  the  individual  at  the 
top. 

"  Are  you  alone  ?" 

"  Lonely  as  a  walrus  on  an  iceberg,  but  not  so  comfortable  by 
half." 

"  Who  were  you  talking  to,"  asked  Punkley,  ascending. 

"  Only  having  a  little  chat  with  grim  Death,  for  I'm  nigh  about 
frozen.    What  the  deuce  kept  you?" 

"  Business — business  !  It's  getting  brisk  again.  I've  a  lay  to- 
night that  you  can  help  me  in  and  make  a  handsome  little  stake  for 
yourself — enough  to  make  you  have  a  soul  above  corn  cures  and 
transparent  soap  for  the  remainder  of  your  days." 

"What  is  it?  Nothing  very  much  out  of  the  way,  I  hope," 
said  Hadley,  nervously. 

"Oh,  no,  not  much,  Doc,"  said  the  other.  "Only  a  little  game 
to  change  money  from  the  hands  of  a  rich  old  feller  that's  got  too 
much  and  don't  let  it  roll,  to  the  hands  of  a  young  feller  that  has'nt 
any  objections  to  throwing  a  little  to  his  friends." 

"Look  here,  Punkley,"  exclaimed  the  man  addressed  as  Doc; 
"  I  don't  half  like  this  kind  of  business.  I  aint  up  to  it,  and  I 
didn't  think,  after  my  being  so  nearly  caught  last  time,  that  you'd 
have  asked  me  to  try  it  again.  If  I  had  known  'twas  for  that  you 
wanted  me,  I'll  be  hanged  if  I'd  have  frozen  here  so  long  to-night." 

"  What  do  you  mean  ?"  1 

"I  mean  to  try  and  get  along  on  the  square,  if  it  does  half  kill 
me,"  said  Hadle}r,  in  a  very  weak  manner.  "  I  want  to  get  some- 
thing honest — " 

He  was  interrupted  by  a  little  sneering  laugh  from  his  compan- 
ion, who,  seizing  him  by  the  ragged  sleeve,  whirled  him  around  so 
that  the  flickering  lamp  shone  on  his  storm  splashed  face — a  pale 
face  with  a  thin,  light-colored  beard,  large  eyes  and  a  wistful,  hun- 
gry expression. 

"Honesty,  you  idiot!"  exclaimed  Punkley,  scornfully.  *'v-Vro 
a  pretty  looking  scarecrow  to  talk  of  honest}' !  Ain't  the  honor?t 
frost  nipping  the  soles  of  your  stockingless,  almost  shoeless  feet? 
Ain't  the  honest  wind  blowing  like  icicles  through  your  ragged 
clothes  and  rumbling  in  your  supperless  stomach?  Honesty! 


WtLt  WAFFLll.  Til' 

Pah !  What  will  Honesty  do  for  you  but  chuck  you  into  a  mul£ 
hole  when  your  soul  gets  disgusted  with  your  neshless  bones  ? 
"What  epitaph  will  Honesty  give  you  ?  None,  but  the  bitter,  si- 
lent one  that  the  obscurity  of  your  final  resting  place  proclaims — » 
1  Outcast !  vagrant  1  pauper  1'  Honesty  will  call  you  by  aay  name 
but  her  own !"  i 

"Peace,  peace!  for  Heaven's  sake,  peace,  Punkley,"  said  the 
man  in  a  tremulous  tone. 

"  There  is  a  high  old  school  teacher  for  you  I"  soliloquized  the 
boy  in  the  next  arch. 

"  Honesty  !"  continued  the  scoffer,  not  heeding  the  one  and  not 
hearing  the  other.  "  Try  it  on,  and  see  if  it  will  keep  you  living 
during  the  winter.  That  *  remittance  from  England,'  never  comes. 
You  are  played  out  at  all  the  lodging  houses,  and  you're  so  rag- 
ged that  not  a  bunk-cellar  in  the  city  would  give  you  head  room 
on  the  strength  of  your  coat.  If  you  dare  to  show  your  nose  in 
the  police  stations,  they'll  send  you  to  the  island  as  a  vagabond. 
There  is  no  more  paving  going  on  in  the  park,  and  no  pitch  fires 
for  you  to  huddle  before  from  the  cold  air.  You  miserable  devil, 
what  have  you  to  do  with  honesty  ?" 

The  wretched  object  of  this  tirade  shrank  before  the  rapid,  en- 
ergetic flow  of  language,  and  uttered  some  expostulation  which 
was  inaudible  to  the  boy. 

"You  have  knowledge,"  continued  Punkley;  "and  knowledge 
is  money.  I'm  giving  you  a  chance  to  turn  it  into  hard  cash. 
Can  you  live  on  your  knowledge  of  plants  and  minerals  unused? 
Can  you  make  decent  garments  out  of  your  useless  diplomas? 
Bah  !  man,  your  sides  are  clapping  together  with  hunger,  you  are 
shivering  with  cold !  Come,  we  will  get  something  to  warm  you. 
Come,  honesty — ha!  ha!  ha!" 

Laughing  thus,  the  tempter  caught  the  unresisting  man  by  the 
arm,  and  nearly  dragged  him  from  the  steps,  and  towards  Chatham 
street. 

"  That's  how  the  old  thing  works !"  exclaimed  the  boy,  as  he 
deserted  his  hiding  place  and  took  a  rapid  circuit  to  reach  the 
street  before  them.  "  If  Walt  Punkley  ain't  a  mighty  tall  imita- 
tion of  the  devil,  you  may  call  me  a  haythen  Chinee." 

He  gained  the  street  and  was  dancing  to  keep  himself  warm 
when  the  men  came  up. 

"  Come,  boy  ?"  said  Punkley,  leading  the  way  over  into  Frank- 
fort street,  and  dodging  into  a  dimly  lighted  saloon,  he  called  for 
liquor  and  pushed  the  bottle  toward  Hadley,  who  poured  out  a 
large  drink  with  trembling  hand  and  swallowed  it  eagerly. 

Hadley  was  a  man  not  yet  of  middle  age.  He  was  pale,  wasted, 
and  wretchedly  clad,  with  long,  luxuriant  hair  falling,  uncared  for, 
(o  his  shoulders,   His  movements  were  graceful,  but  not  easy,  for, 


WILL  WAFFLE*. 


in  speech,  action  and  look,  there  seemed  to  be  a  nervous  hesitancy, 
too  evidently  born  of  his  hopeless  struggle  with  fortune— a  crush- 
ing consciousness  of  the  depth  of  his  degradation,  for  all  his  rag- 
gedness  and  wretchedness  could  not  hide  the  evidence  of  better 

days. 

The  boy  was  one  of  the  brightest  of  the  strong-willed,  self-reliant 
little  men  that  form  his  class.  Not  particularly  well  fitted  ^in  the 
matter  of  clothes,  not  very  regardful  of  personal  appearance,  but 
with  a  light,  active  form,  well-shaped  features,  a  prominent)  fore- 
head, and  eyes  as  bright  and  quick  as  those  of  a  hawk. 

"I  think  I  must  have  seen  you  before,  my  boy,"  said  Punkley, 
eyeing  him  by  the  bar  light. 

"  Altogether  likely,  boss,"  answered  the  boy  with  easy  confi- 
dence; "'specially  if  you've  been  much  around  these  here  dig- 
gins,  or  the  lower  end  of  York  generally.  I'm  a  native  borrf  'n 
these  parts." 

"  You  seem  to  be  a  smart  boy." 

"  You  jest  bet  yer  pile  I've  cut  my  eye-teeth,  sir.  Else  there 
wouldn't  be  no  use  of  me  trying  to  travel  with  our  crowd.  Might 
make  myself  mighty  few  jest  as  soon's  I  liked.  Muffins  nor  flats  not 
admitted  under  no  pretences  whatever.  Jest  as  might  be  with  a 
gang  of  yer  own  you  know.    You  know  how  the  old  thing  works." 

He  concluded  this  speech  in  a  significant,  confidential  manner, 
pointing  the  slang  phrase  with  a  most  knowing  wink.  The  man 
bent  his  piercing  black  eyes  on  the  youthful  face  for  a  few  seconds 
without  speaking,  and  seemed  satisfied,  for  he  read  there  only  the 
precocious  smartness  and  conceited  forwardness  of  the  street  boy, 
nothing  more.  And  the  boy  stood  scrutinizing  the  fifty  cent  stamp, 
he  had  received  for  his  stock,  as  if  utterly  unconscious  of  the  pres- 
ence of  the  person  to  whom  he  had  lately  spoken. 

"Are  you  acquainted  with  the  upper  part  of  the  city?"  asked 
Punkley. 

'  "  I  believe  you,  my  boy.  Not  much  of  it'll  come  crooked  to 
me." 

"  I  will  write  a  note  that  I  want  you  to  take.  It  needs  care  in 
the  delivery.  If  you  bring  me  back  a  favorable  answer,  I'll  give 
you  five  times  as  much  as  that,"  pointing  to  the  stamp  that  the  boy 
was  wrapping  around  his  finger. 

"  You  don't  say !"  cried  the  youngster,  looking  up  to  catch  the 
hungry  looking  eyes  of  Hadley  fastened  greedily  on  the  money. 
"  All  right,  boss,  git  yer  note,  I'm  on  deck." 

Punkley  got  writing  materials  from  the  bar-tender,  and  retired 
into  a  small  room  at  the  back  of  the  saloon,  first  leaving  orders 
that  Hadley  should  have  more  liquor.  Of  this  privilege  the  tremb- 
ing  man  gladly  availed  himself,  and  was  putting  the  shaking  turn- 


▼  ILL  WAFFLES. 


13 


bier  to  his  lips,  when  the  boy  sidled  up  to  him,  and  said  in  a  low 
tone: 

u  I  say,  young  feller,  do  you  know  that  you're  making  a  dog- 
gonnd  fool  of  yourself?  Don't  you  drink  that  red-eve,  mind  I  tell 
you ;  if  you  do,  you're  a  caved  community — that's  what's  the  mat- 
ter!" 

"  What  do  you  mean?"  asked  Hadley,  half  angrily. 

"  Why,  are  you  such  a  blamed  flat  as  not  to  know  what  his  game 
is  ?  He's  putting  up  a  job  for  you,  and  when  he  gets  you  safe  in- 
to it,  he'll  slide  and  let  the  cops  scoop  you  in.  They  must  give 
some  one  up  once  in  a  while,  else  there'd  be  no  more  use  for  offi- 
cers and  prisons.  That's  why  he's  a  fillin'  you  full  o'  rectified 
thunderbolts  and  givin'  you  nothin'  to  eat." 

"  Who  are  you !  You  are  one  of  his  associates,"  said  the  man 
suspiciously. 

"  Not  for  Joe — not  if  I  know  myself,"  cried  the  youngster ;  "  I'm 
on  the  make — I  am,  and  I  don't  deny  it ;  and  I'm  bound  to  have 
his  twenty  shillin'.  We're  all  on  the  make,  more  or  less,  every 
blessed  one  of  us.  But,  speakin'  newsboyishly,  I  hope  I  may  be 
stuck  bad  if  I  ain't  broadside  down  on  all  such  full-rigged  scoun- 
drels as  Walt  Punkley,  and  I  hate  to  see  a  feller  with  a  good  core, 
if  his  bark  is  rough,  have  to  give  up  the  ship  on  account  of  hunger." 

There  was  a  stir  in  the  inner  room,  and  he  tried  hastily  to  slip 
the  fifty  cent  stamp  into  Hadley's  hand,  but  the  man,  as  if  hurt  by 
the  patronizing  manner  of  one  so  much  younger  than  himself,  drew 
back,  and  looked  down  at  the  small  form  of  his  would-be  bencfac' 
tor,  who  was  now  offended  in  his  turn. 

"  I  suppose,"  said  the  boy,  ironically,  "that  you're  a  free-born 
Englishman,  waitin'  for  a  remittance  from  Europe,  you're  above 
takin'  anything  from  an  America*:  bo}r.  But,  let  me  tell  you,  mis- 
ter, that's  'arned  honest — and  that's  a  whole  hop,  step  and  jump 
more  than  anything  you  get  from  him'll  be,  or  I'm  a  Chaynerman." 

"  You  are  a  kind-hearted  lad,"  said  Hadley,  with  a  tremor  in  his 
voice  and  a  tear  glistening  in  his  eye. 

"  No  better  nor  I  should  be,"  said  the  boy,  softened  by  these 
signs  of  emotion.  "  I've  seen  ups  and  downs  myself,  and  I  know 
how  to  feel  for  others.  I  know  you're  hungry  and  that  he  means 
to  keep  you  so.  Oh !  he's  top-sawyer  in  the  devil's  sawpit,  if  he 
ain't  call  me  Rudolf.  Here,  take  it,  you're  welcome  to  it.  You 
need  it — I  don't.  It'll  help  you  to  hold  out  agin  him  till  you're 
able  to  scare  up  some  more*" 

4  What  is  your  name,  my  boy,  and  where  can  I  find  you,  to  thank 
and  repay  you  at  some  future  day  ?"  asked  the  man  with  emotion, 
as  the  boy  crushed  the  money  into  his  emanciated  hanu. 

"Lord,  don't  mention  that,"  said  the  youthful  humanitarian. 
"  When  you  get  your  wealth  and  have  a  mansion  as  big  as  Stew- 


art's,  I'll  invite  myself  to  eat  the  fifty  cents  out  some  day  when  yon 
have  no  other  company.  But  if  you  do  ever  want  to  see  me,  all 
you've  got  to  do  is  to  come  within  a  half  a  mile  of  the  City  Hall 
and  ax  the  first  feller  you  see  bawlin'  papers,  where  Will  Waffles 
is,  and  he'll  steer  your  bark  to  this  'ere  one's  He." 
"  I  shall  see  you  again." 

"  All  right.  Cheese  it.  Here  comes  Beelzebub,  Junior.  Look 
out  for  him,"  said  Will  Waffles,  adding  behind  his  hand  as  Punkley 
advanced,  "You  can  git  grandiferous  cakes  and  coffee,  and  asplen- 
dangerous  plate,  either  hot  or  cold,  at  pocket-saving  prices,  at 
Hitchcock's  right  round  the  corner  on  Chatham  Street,  first  dive 
above  French's.  Tell  Jerry  that  Will  Waffles  sent  you,  and  he'll 
slap  you  up  somethin'  gallus.  Well-known  there,  reg'lar  cus- 
tomer.'' 

Punkley  took  the  boy  to  one  side  and  gave  him  minute  directions 
about  the  delivery  of  a  note  which  he  gave  him  and  the  return  of 
the  answer,  and  Will  Waffles  started  toward  the  door,  whispering 
to  Hadley  while  Punkley  was  paying  the  score  : 

"  Mind  your  eye,  be  wide-awake.  Don't  take  any  more  rot-gut ; 
part  company  and  sling  in  a  good  lunch — that's  what'll  set  you  up 
Old  Nicodemus  always  fishes  for  empty  stomachs.  So  take  care  of 
yourself  old  feller,  and  Will  Waffles  is  yours  diabolically — as  the 
devil  said  to  the  tailor. 

"  Hallo  !  youngster  !"  cried  Punkley.    "  Ain't  you  away  yet  ?" 
f*  "  All  right,  Cap  !"  cried  the  boy,  buttoning  his  coat  to  the  neck, 
"  Signal  to  cut  stick — all  aboard — streamers  waving  in  the  wind. 
One  moment,  and  I'm  off  like  a  fire-cracker." 

And  with  hat  cocked  sportinglyon  one  side  of  his  head,  and  hands 
thrown  forward  driving  an  imaginary  Dexter,  this  patronizing 
young  adventurer  dashed  jubilantly  away  out  into  the  storm. 

"Now  we  can  have  a  talk  on  business,"  said  Punkley. 

Hadley  shrank  back  as  if  he  would  have  left  the  place,  but  the 
other  burst  into  a  derisive  laugh,  and  seizing  him  by  the  arm,  said : 

"What,  what,  Doc,  you  ain't  over  your  colic  yet !  These  qualms 
will  be  the  death  of  you.    Come,  something  hot  is  what  you  want." 

The  small  spark  of  manliness  and  resistance  which  had  been 
awakened  by  Will  Waffles  glimmered  and  died,  and  the  spirit- 
broken  man  fell  once  more  under  the  influence  of  his  evil  genius — 
Walt  Punkley. 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


CHAPTER  (IX 

JOHN  CHUNK'S  MISSION — THE  BLOODY  LETTER — A  GLEAM  OF 
FORTUNE. 

Will  Waffles  was  a  true  metropolitan  Arab,  as  far  as  the 
restlessness  of  disposition,  the  spurning  of  restraint,  and  the  utter 
contempt  of  straight-laced  conventionalities  went ;  but  truth  for- 
bids that  I  should  ascribe  to  him  that  spirit  of  wholesale  spiteful- 
ness  supposed  to  be  characteristic  of  the  descendants  of  Ishmael. 

In  the  matter  of  descent 'tis  true  there  was  a  mystery  about  Will 
Waffles,  His  origin  was  as  beclouded  as  that  of  the  Onondaga 
giant.  Like  the  wild  boy  of  the  scriptures  he  had  been  cast  upon 
the  desert  of  life,  to  perish.  No  soft-handed — fond-hearted  Hagar 
strove  to  shield  him  from  the  elements  or  moistened  his  feeble  lips : 
— but  the  angel  of  mercy  appeared  in  the  form  and  substance  of 
some  two  hundred  and  odd  pounds  of  human  flesh,  encasing  a  heart 
of  magnificent  proportions,  inclosed  in  female  attire,  engaged  in  the 
fruit  and  cake  business  and  entitled  Mag  Lees.  In  compliment  to 
her  jovial  nature,  the  boy  humourists  who  "  most  do  congregate" 
about  the-  City  Hall  Park  had  extended  this  name  into  Meg  Merry 
Lees,  in  the  same  manner  as  they  had  christened  the  hero  of  this 
story  after  the  most  popular  commodity  in  which  the  old  lady 
dealt. 

Well,  briefly,  Meg  Lees,  returning  to  her  home  one  night,  came 
upon  a  crowd  of  people  standing  around  a  door  step  on  which  a 
deserted  infant  was  waiting  pitifully.  The  discoverers  and  passers- 
by,  evidently  fearing  trouble  and  responsibility,  stared  idly  at  the 
child,  indulged  largely  in  mouth-sympathy,  talked  Charities  and 
Corrections,  (beautiful  combination,)  but  never  offered  to  lift  the 
little  outcast  from  the  cold  stones. 

Meg  Lees  heard  the  plaintive  appeal  of  the  litttle  sufferer,  and 
it  smote  her  heart  like  a  cry  from  the  grave.  She  saw  the  white, 
dimpled  face,  and  the  tearful  picture  of  a  small,  snowy-robed  form 
with  closed  eyes  and  folded  hands  arose  before  her,  and,  for  the 
sake  of  the  cherished  dead,  she  took  the  sobbing  waif  to  her 
capacious  bosom  and  bore  it  homeward. 

She  bestowed  the  name  of  her  buried  favorite  upon  the  adopted 
child,  and  through  the  long  years  of  struggles  and  hardship,  had 
been  a  good  mother  to  him,  until  at  last  his  own  enterprise  and 
independent  spirit  started  him  out  in  the  humble  oureuit  of  for- 
tune, 


4i     ^ax 41*1.4!*  j  n  tf 

16  WILL  WAFFLI8, 

And  who  was  better  adapted  for  the  strife  than  Will  Waffles  ? 

Never  a  stouter  heart  beat  beneath  a  red  shirt ;  never  a  better  tem- 
per smiled  at  reverses,  or  a  more  hopeful  spirit  looked  into  the 
future :  never  a  more  willing  hand  sounded  the  depths  of  a  light 
pocket  for  the  relief  of  a  friend. 

There  are  events  and  moments  which  exert  a  great  after-influence 
upon  all  human  lives  :  and  such  a  moment  was  Will  Waffles'  exit 
from  the  bar-room  to  him :  for,  in  bolting  out  suddenly,  with  his 
head  lowered  to  catch  the  first  burst  of  the  storm,  he  planted  it,  in 
tie  manner  of  a  battering  ram.  in  the  waistcoat  of  a  dripping  little 
man,  who  was  surveying  the  interior  of  the  saloon  through  a  rent 
in  the  curtain.  The  consequence  was  that  the  little  man's  hat  new 
into  the  air,  and  its  proprietor  took  an  involuntary  seat  on  a  pile  of 
frozen  dirt  at  the  curb. 

"  Domino  !  How's  that  for  low?"  exclaimed  the  boy  with  a  crow 
like  a  rooster. 

"  Curse  you !"  cried  the  man  angrily,  endeavoring  t»  regain  his 
feet. 

"Don't  mention  it,  I  beg!  Keep  on  your  hat — no  need  to  apolo- 
gize— you're  quiet  excuseable,"  said  Will  magnanimously,  about  to 
hurry  away. 

But  the  injured  man  did  not  seem  to  fall  in  with  this  view  of  the 
case,  for  he  scrambeled  up  and  threw  himself  in  the  boy's  path,  hat 
in  hand. 

"  Stop  !"  he  said,  "  I  want  to  speak  to  you." 

"  Sorry,  very  sorry,  to  see  any  one  in  want,  replied  Will,  "  but 
'tain't  a  talking  night,  and  biz  before  pleasure,  you  know." 

He  was  passing  when  the  man  laid  his  hand  heavily  on  his  shoul- 
der and  detained  him  forcibly. 

"  Paws  off,  old  duffer !  or  I'll  put  a  Mansard  roof  on  y««  r  ex- 
claimed the  boy,  wrenching  himself  free,  and  striking  a  defensive 
attitude.  "  Name  your  game  and  tell  us  your  fightin'  weight.  How 
could  I  help  upsettin'  yer  apple  cart  ?  What  d'ye  go  a  gluing  yer 
eye  to  the  window  for?    Did  yer  take  it  for  a  show  ?" 

"  Never  mind  that — never  mind  that,"  said  the  man  in  an  eager 
ierky  manner."  "  Accidents  will  happen.  Life  is  like  a  railroad, 
collisions  and  bust-ups  at  every  curve  and  crossing.  "  I'm  used  to 
em.    You're  a  messenger." 

"  Well,  what  if  I  am  ?    What  d'ye  want  to  make  of  it  ?  How 
does  that  affect  gold  ?" 
L  "  I'll  put  gold  in  your  pocket." 

"  Oh,  let  up,  give's  a  rest?"  said  the  boy  impatiently,  "Who  d'y© 
think  I  am  ?  Do  you  take  me  for  a  flat  ?" 

"  You  are  prudent  to  doubt    Life  is  full  of  deceptions  1"  said 
the  little  man,  solemnly,  life  is  like  a  quick  sand  

M  Oh  blow  you  and  life  1  Dry  up  !"  cried  the  boy. 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


IT 


"  There  is  no  trick  or  deception  in  this,"  said  the  man,  more 
rapidly,  I  mean  for  your  good.    I  have  been  looking  for  you." 

"  No  you  don't — that's  too  thin  !  I  must  cherry,  aud  that's  what's 
the  matter  with  Hannah !" 

"  Stay  a  moment.    You  are  known  as  Will  "Waffles! " 

"  Yes,  that's  about  the  size  of  it.  What  then  ?"  said  the  boy 
interestedly. 

"That  is  not  your  name,  you  do  not  know  yout  name.  Life  is 
full  of  mysteries.    You  are  a  foundling  !" 

The  boy  started  and  stared  into  the  strange  face,  on  which  the 
melting  snow  glistened  in  the  flickering  light  of  the  red  lamp  over 
the  saloon  door,  every  drop  looking  like  a  large,  inflamed  pim- 
ple. 

•'Look a  here,  old  feller!"  said  "Will,  11 1  dont  know  who  may  'a 
posted  you  on  my  affair,  but,  by  Jimminy,  you've  nailed  it.  I'm 
jest  what  yon  say,  and  though  I  don't  know  as  the  difference  of  a 
feller's  cognum  is  either  heae  or  there,  still  if  you  happen  to  know 
anything  particular  about  my  auntysedunts,  you'll  greatly  oblige 
the  subscriber  by — " 

"  Let's  get  out  of  the  wet,"  said  the  little  man. 

We  took  Will  by  the  arm,  and  leading  him  down  the  street  they 
dodged  into  one  of  the  lager  bier  saloons.  Once  inside  the  man 
shook  himself  like  a  Newfoundland  dog,  and  turned  to  face  the  boy. 
A  very  strange  looking  little  fellow  he  was,  Will  Waffles  thought 
as  he  looked  at  him.  He  was  very  low  in  stature  and  very  squat 
in  figure,  and  the  style  of  his  dress  increased  this  effect-  His  hat 
was  the  lowest  crowned  and  broadest  brimmed  tarpalius,  his  over- 
coat a  box  sack  of  the  monkey  jacket  order,  made  of  cloth  a 
half  inch  thick,  more  or  less,  as  they  say  in  acurate  legal  documents, 
a  very  short  broad  face, weather  beaten  and  wrinkled,  sat  snug  down 
to  the  shoulders,  for  there  seemed  to  be  no  neck  to  speak  of.  There 
was  a  stolid  expression  of  gravity  and  thoughtfulness  on  tho  features, 
but  it  was  rendered  ludicrous  by  the  quick  moving,  cunning  expres- 
sion of  the  eyes,  hat,  form  and  face,  taken  altogether,  gave  a  striking 
outline  resemblance  to  a  trained  bullfrog  standing  erect 

'  You  are  known  as  Will  Waffles,"  he  said. 

"  Guilty,  my  lord !"  answered  the  boy. 

"  I'm  John  Chunk  !"  he  said  grandly. 

"  Proud  to  know  you,  sir !"  bowed  Will,  as  if  deeply  impressed  by 
the  greatness  of  the  occasion. 

"  Life  is  a  strange  thing  !"  said  Mr.  Chunk,  philosophically. 
''Life's  a  blarsted  sell,"  agreed  Mr.  Waffles. 
"  It  is  all  a  dream  !"  sighed  Mr.  Chunk. 

"  A  regilar  cod  !"  indi  rsed  Mr.  Waffles.  "  But  say,  old  man,  I'm 
n  a  hurry,  and  here  we  are  a  holdin'  camp-meetin',  while  Old  Dun 
der-und-blitzen  there  a  measuring  us  for  lager.    Say,  you  Haunce 


IS 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


wring  us  zwei  peers !  Now  Mr.  Chunk,  rattle  it  lively,  let  us  neaf 
the  latest  by  cable.  If  its  a  square  shake — I'm  in  :  If  there's  any 
gay  about  it — count  me  nix." 

Mr.  Chunk  fastened  his  eyes  upon  his  glass  of  beer,  as  if  searching 
in  its  amber  depths  for  some  fresh  truth  in  regard  to  life's  vicissi- 
tudes. 

"  Ah,  my  young  friend,"  he  said  mournfully,  "  Life  is  " 

"  Oh,  bother  life  !"  exclaimed  his  young  friend,  impatiently !  Life's 
a  prize  conundrum,  and  I  give  it  up.  Why  you  talk  like  a  cart-wheel 
without  grease — the  same  screek  every  turn  round.  We  come  here 
to  talk  biz.    How  d'ye  know  me,  and  what  d'ye  want  with  me  ?" 

"  That's  what  I  would  tell,  "said  Mr.  Chunk,in  a  deliberate  manner, 
"  Bellevue  Hospital  is  a  grand  institution — a  wonderful  place  !  Life 
is  there  seen  in  its  hardest  phases — I  go  there  to  study  life." 

"  Oh  !  for  heaven's  sake  make  one  act  of  it!"  hastily  interrupted 
the  boy.    "  Cut  it  short,  or  I'll  have  to  git." 

Mr.  Chunk  looked  at  him  reproachfully,  and  resumed  in  a  quicker 
manner. 

"  Passing  through  one  of  the  wards  where  life  is  displayed  in  its 
hardest  phases  " 

"  Talks  like  a  war  correspondent  !'"muttered  Will. 

"  I  heard  a  voice,  rough  but  low,  addressing  me,"  continued  Mr. 
Chunk,  pausing  to  sip  his  beer. 

"  Yes,  yes,  Mr.  Chunk,  voice  rough,  but  low,  addressing  you  !" 
(prompted  Will. 

"I  approached  tli e  bed  from  which  it  proceeded,"  went  on  Mr. 
Chunk,  in  a  mysterious  manner. 

"  Ye-s-s-s ! — Ye-s-s !  Moon  turned  on  full,  music  low  and  tremu- 
lous!" said  Will  Waffles,  his  curiosity  and  his  love  of  fun  struggling 
for  the  mastery. 

"My  boy,"  said  Mr.  Chunk  reprovingly,  "Life  is  no  laughing 
matter." 

"  Not  much,  cully,  the  way  you  dish  it  up.  Let  the  play  pro- 
ceed." 

"  The  sight  I  saw,  I  shall  never  forget" 

"  Reporter  agin !" 

"  At  any  time  life  is  " 

"  A-w-w-h  !  Give's  a  rest,  and  go  on  with  your  yarn/' 
"  A  wild  face — haggard  and  pale — a  bandaged  head  with  a  blood 
mark  oozing  thro'  the  cloths,  and  a  wounded  hand  lying  upon  the 
counterpane  was  what  I  saw"  said  John  Chunk,  impressively. 
"  What  I  heard  was  that  he  liked  my  looks— that  he  had  been  pretty 
badly  cut  up  in  a  bar-room  fight,  that  he  felt  himself  sinking  fast, 
that  he  had  a  message  to  send  to  a  boy  to  be  found  in  or  near 
Printing  House  Square,  and  that  the  worldly  cognomen  of  that  boy 
was  William  Waffles.    Is  that  direct  enough  ?" 


WLLL    TAFFLEfl,  1<J 

"Plain  and  sharp  as  the  time  of  a  clog-dance,"  said  the  boy, 
"  but  the  message  ?" 

"The  wounded  man  put  his  hanfl  beneath  the  pillow  and  pulled 
out  this,"  said  John  Chunk,  producing  a  very  clumsily  folded,  dirty 
looking  letter,  stained  with  blood. 

"Well,  welll"  cried  the  boy,  excited  by  the  sensational  mis- 
sive. 

"  He  said  he  had  carried  it  for  years,  and  had  managed  to  hide  it 
from  the  attendants  when  they  took  away  his  clothes.  He  said  he 
wanted  to  do  a  great  right  before  he  died,  and  asked  me  to  seek  you 
out  and  give  this  to  you,  and  tell  you  to  take  it  immediately  to  its 
address,  for  that  would  be  the  making  of  you.  So  there  it  is 
J ohn  Chunk  has  done  his  trust  r 

He  threw  the  mysterious  letter  upon  the  table  as  he  spoke,but  the 
boy  stared  at  him  and  it  alternately  without  lifting  it. 

"  You  needn't  be  afraid  of  it,  "  said  John  Chunk, M  It's  a  fortune  for 
'you.  The  address  is  Fifth  Avenue — folks  must  be  rich — one  of  the 
many  ups  and  downs  of  the  world.  John  Chunk  wishes  you  joy.  Life 
is  " 

"See here,  old  top,"  said  the  boy,  eyeing  the  man  distrustfully, 
"ain't  you  a  tryin'  to  git  me  on  a  string?" 

"  I  received  the  letter  as  I  tell  you,  and  have  delivered  it  as  I 
promised,"  said  John  Chunk  severely. 

"  Well,  you  needn't  go  a  gettin'your  back  up  about  it.  Its  only 
nateral  a  feller  should  be  shy  o'  swallerin'  such  a  tough  yarn.  Looks 
to  darned  like  a  play.  The  way  they  do  it  in  the  Bowery.  Dyin' 
willain'  confesses  willainy — bloody  letter — strawberry  mark  on  arm 
— delighted  parients — smiles  of  rapture — tears  of  joy — fond  em- 
bn>*va — God  bless  vou  mv  children  ! — blue  light  and  the  curtain 
falls." 

John  Chunk  stared  at  him  with  his  grave  expression  for  a  mo- 
ment and  then  laughed,  and  the  eccentric  youth  lifted  the  letter  and 
joined  in  the  merriment. 

"  That's  what  knocks  me,  you  know,"  he  said,  as  if  he  were 
reading  Chunk's  thoughts.  "  I  hain't  got  no  strawberry  marks,  and 
I  hain't  made  no  arrangements  with  any  other  feminine  child  to  be 
God  blessed  along  with  me.  That's  what  takes  the  starch  out  of 
it.  I  wonder  if  its  true,  and  what  kind  of  a  bloke  the  writer  of 
this  'ere  was,  and  who  was  my  father  anyhow,  and  if  my  mother's 
alive,  and  why  she  throwed  me  away  when  I  was  a  papoose." 

This  latter  part  was  spoken  in  a  serious  pathetic  tone,  notwith- 
standing the  words  in  which  it  was  couched,  for  slang  was  the  bey's 
usual  mode  of  expression,  and  the  habit  had  grown  upon  him  so 
that  he  unconsciously  used  the  same  odd  phrases  to  convey  all 
gnujes  °f  fooling)  and  all  shades  of  meaning. 


20 


WILL  WiPfLES. 


"Lord,  if  it  should  be  true,  though  !"  he  said  in  a  more  gleeful 
manner.  "  Wouldn't  I  make  Meg  Merry  Lees  stare?  Eh,  John 
Chunk  ?  Wouldn't  I  fix  her  up  gay  ?  Wouldn't  I  pitch  into 
Stewart's  stock  of  black  silk  lively  ?  (Meg's  hefty  on  black  silk.) 
Mebbe  not — oh,  no  !  Eh,  old  man  ?  Wouldn't  we  have  a  high 
old  time?  All  the  hacks  in  Central  Park — all  the  gondolas  on  the 
lakes  !  Wouldn't  we  pic-nic  and  excursion  it  ?  Wouldn't  we 
clam-bake  and  chowder  it?    Eh!    John  Chunk?" 

And,  under  the  influence  of  these  brilliant  imaginations,  the 
young  dreamer  seized  the  astonished  John  Chunk  and  whirled  him 
helplessly  around  and  around  the  sanded  floor  in  a  reckless 
demon  dance,  so  rapid  in  movement  that  the  ribbon  ends  of  the 
little  man's  tarpaulin  fluttered  and  cracked,  and  hig  own  long  coat- 
tails  streamed  gracefully  on  the  breeze. 

"  Hold,  hold!"  gasped  the  purple-faced  John  Chunk,  puffing  like 
a  grampus,  "  A  little  exercise  is  good,  my  boy,  but,  at  the  very 
best,  Life  is  

"Just  so,  John  Chunk — nevei  mind  the  rest — I'll  take  your  word 
for  it  If  this  here  thing  goes  ihrough  all  hunkey  and  I  make  a 
big  stake,  I'll  fit  you  up  in  business  so  you  can  abuse  life  up  to 
the  handle,  even  to  susan-cide  if  you're  a  mind  to.  Won't  I  give 
the  boys  a  reg'lar  blow-out-though  ?  '  The  Will  Waffles  Chowder 
Club" — The  Lady  Washington  and  a  dead  block  in  Fulton  street 
— long  horns  and  cow-bells — eh !  Cully,  how's  that  for  flush  ?" 

"  Not  too  fast,  my  boy,"  said  John  Chunk,  sagely,  "Counted 
chickens  never  hatch.    Life's  a  lottery,  and  " 

M  The  sooner  we  see  the  drawings  the  sooner  we'll  know  our 
luck,"  concluded  Will,  rapidly,  sticking  the  crumpled  letter  into  his 
pocket  along  with  Punkley's  ;  "  Come,  John  Chunk,  we've  got  a 
Jiorse  on  fortune  and  let  us  see  what  its  worth.  I'm  in  a  streak  of 
luck  to-night — letter-carrier  general  to  his  screamin'  majesty,  the 
King  of  the  Cannibal  Islands.  Shoo  you  fly !  Don't  you  go  bodder 
mit  me  !  What's  the  use  of  a  new  post  office  when  I'm  1  on  hand' 
— like  Johnny  Thompson.  Come,  let's  git." 

"  Can't  go,"  said  Mr.  Chunk,  "sorry  can't,  but  can't  Shop  to 
be  shuttered  and  old  woman  waiting." 

"  Nuff,  said  John  Chunk,  don't  distress  the  Chunkess,  or  the 
little  Chunkesses,  but  jest  let  me  know  where  you  swing  yer 
hammock,  and  I'll  whack  up.    You  can  count  on  Will  Waffles." 

"John  Chunk's  your  friend,"  said  the  little  man  shaking  the  ex- 
tended hand.  "  There's  my  card — East  Houston  street,  near  the 
bell-tower.  If  we  should  ever  meet  again — but  I  doubt  it,  for  life 
is  

"  A  grand  fraud — a  fearful  flam !  Just  so !"  exclaimed  the  dis- 
appearing boy,  "  Good  bye,  J ohn  Chunk  1" 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


21 


"  A  strange  boy,"solilopuized  Mr  Chunk,  gazing  at  the  closing 
door — "Very  odd — but  very  true  !  Life  is  " 

"  Der  is  den  zent,  for  de  do*  drinks,'  said  the  Teutonic  presiding 
genius  of  the  place. 

u  Life  is  a  grand  fraud — a  fearful  flam !"  said  John  (Shunk,  as  he 
paid  it  and  and  rolled  himself  ill-temperedly  out  of  the  door. 


CHAPTER  LTL 


THE  GLEAM  OF  FORTUNE   CLOUDED — ON   THE   BOOFS — A  PERILOUS 

POSITION. 

About  half  an  hour  afterwards  Wil!  Waffles  descended  the  area 
steps  of  a  gloomy  house  in  Fourteenth  Street,  and  knocked  at  the 
basement  door.  It  was  opened  by  an  elderly  colored  woman,  sha- 
ding a  small  kerosene  lamp  with  her  fat  hand. 

"  Well,  honey,  what's  ye  want  ?"  she  asked. 

u  Does  Mister  Oscar  Mifflin  hang  out  in  this  crib  ?" 

"Yes,  Mis'sar  Mifflin  libs  hear." 

"  Is  he  in  ?  I  want  to  see  him." 

"'He's  in.  But  who  be  you?"  asked  the  woman  offended  by  his 
free  manner. 

"  Tell  him  that  William  Waffles,  Esquire,  has  the  condescension 
to  wait  upon  him,"  said  Will,  slapping  his  wet  cap  against  the  door 
jamb." 

"He  doesn't  see  many  folks,now-a-days,'  she  said, "What's  your 
business." 

"Business I"  exclaimed  Waffles,  drawing  himself  up  pompously. 
"  I'm  outside  partner  of  the  American  News  Company,  and  gen- 
eral agent  of  the  daily  press,  so  ax  me  into  the  stove,  and  don  t  be 
makin'  mouths  about  it,  tor  I'm  as  wet  as  a  musk-rat  and  as  cold  as 
charity." 

Without  waiting  or  asking  for  permission  he  pushed  in,  and 
spread  himself  out  before  the  hall  heater.  After  some  question- 
ing and  grunibhng,  the  servant  disappeared  up  the  stairs,  and 
shortly  returned  followed  by  a  sallow  complexioned  yovug  man 
with  long  black  hair,  sharp  features,  and  deep-sunken,  evil  looking 
eyes.  He  had  on  a  lavender-colored,  red-braided  smoking  Jacket 
and  cap,  and  his  small  feet  were  encased  in  richly  embroidered 
slippers 


22 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


There  was  no  light  in  the  hall  but  that  of  the  feeble  lamp  which 
the  servant  had  set  on  a  small  bracket  fastened  to  the  wall,  and  the 
man  approached  in  such  a  manner  that  the  boy's  face,  being  turned 
toward  him,  was  full  in  the  light 

"  Well,  boy,  what  do  you  want?"  he  said. 

"  An  answer  to  that,"  said  Will,  pulling  the  epistle  from  his 
pocket  and  handing  it  to  him. 

"This  should  have  been  here  two  hours  ago,"  said  the  man  ap- 
proaching the  lamp. 

He  held  the  paper  in  his  hand,  up  to  the  light,  but,  with  a  sudden 
start  and  exclamation,  he  glanced  toward  the  boy  and  then  tore 
the  letter  open.  Strange  was  the  light  that  gleamed  in  his  sinister 
eyes  and  the  expression  that  flitted  across  his  sallow  face. 

"  Who  gave  you  this  ?"  he  asked,  suddenly  turning  on  the 
boy. 

"  None  o'  my  bizness,"  answered  the  messenger  warily,  for  he 
had  noticed  the  man's  motion.  "  Him  what  sent  it  said  you'd 
know — hain't  he  signed  hisself  ?" 

"  Yes,  yes,  but  come  up  stairs,"  said  Mr.  Mifflin  shortly,  as  his 
eyes  fell  upon  the  attentive  negress,  standing  at  a  short  distance 
like  an  ebony  statue. 

"All  right,  heave  ahead  I'm  there,"  said  Will,  swaggering  after 
him. 

They  went  along  the  carpeted  hall,  and  past  a  room  door,  lying 
ajar  through  wThich  Will  Waffles  saw  a  fairy-like  girl  with  bright 
golden  ringlets,  thrumming  on  a  piano,  and  his  fervid  imagination 
leaped  at  once  to  the  possession  of  just  such  a  gorgeous  room,  just 
such  an  immense  piano,  and  just  such  a  sylph-like  player — when 
he  got  his  wealth. 

Ah,  Will,  Will,  remember  the  boy  that  chased  the  rainbow — 
there's  many  a  slip  'twixt  the  cup  and  the  lip. 

Up  two  more  long,  winding  flights,  and  Mr.  Mifflin  tells  the 
boy  to  wait  on  the  landing  a  minute  and  enters  a  room,  returning 
in  a  moment  with  a  hand  lamp,  and  leading  the  way  up  another 
staircase,  narrow  and  uncarpeted.  A  sort  of  vague  misgiving 
flashed  into  the  boys'  mind,  and  he  paused  at  the  foot. 

"  Come  on  I"  said  Mifflin,  from  above,  "  What  are  you  afraid 
of?" 

"  Nothing,"  said  Will,  ascending,  "  I  was  only  a  wonderin' 
whether  it  was  an  observatory  or  a  shot  tower  you  kept  up 
there." 

The  man  did  not  answer  but  opened  a  door  from  which  a  damp 
gust  of  air  came,  fluttering  the  lamp, and  sighing  through  the  pas- 
sages. 

u  Guess  we're  about  at  the  head  of  the  beanstalk,  mister/'  said 


WILL  WAFFLES, 


23 


the  boy,  as  they  stood  within  a  lumbered,  disused -looking 
room. 

Mifflin  closed  the  door  and  laid  the  lamp  on  a  ricketty  table. 

"Now," he  said  to  Will  Waffles,  "where  did  you  get  this 
from  ?" 

"  From  him  I  told  you  of." 

"  Do  you  know  what's  in  it  ?" 

"  No." 
Can  you  read  writing  ?" 

"  A  little.    Not  much." 

"  Who  are  you  ?    What's  your  name  ?" 

"William  Lees — They  call  me  Will  Waffles  for  a  nick-name." 

The  man  caught  him  by  the  arm  and  whirled  him  to  the  light  to 
examine  his  face,  and  several  rapidly  muttered  exclamations  escap- 
ed him  as  he  did  so. 

"  Say,  look  here,  mister,"  cried  the  boy,  wincing  from  the  pain  of 
the  man's  grasp. 

"  Guess  you'd  best  let  up  on  that,  or  blow  me  if  I  don' t  bust 
you  in  the  snoot!" 

Mifflin  released  him,  and  assuming  a  re-assuring  manner 
said : . 

"  I  was  mistaken,  I  thought  I  had  seen  you  before.  I  must  think 
over  the  answer  to  this.    You  wait  here  awhile." 

"  Not  if  I  know  myself,  and  I  think  I  do,"  starting  for  the  door 
at  the  same  time  that  the  man  did. 

"  Why,  you  little  fool,  what  are  you  afraid  of?  No  harm'U 
happen  to  you."  said  Mifflin  holding  him  back  with  one  hand  while 
he  opened  the  door  with  the  other. 

Let  me  go,  you  !"  cried  the  boy,  struggling  with  his  captor. 
"  Let  me  go,  I  tell  you,  or  it'll  be  worse  for  you  !" 

But  the  man  held  him  in  an  iron  grip  and  said,  in  a  whispering 
tone : 

"Be  quiet,  you  young  fool!  No  one  will  harm  you.  You  must 
wait  here  for  a  few  moments  until  I  get  the  answer  ready." 

"  No,  you  don't  That's  too  thin,  "  cried  Will,  making  a  desper- 
ate effort  to  rush  past ;  but  Mifflin  flung  him  back  and  shut  the 
door,  and  as  the  young  prisoner  laid  his  hand  upon  the  knob,  he 
heard  the  key  turn  in  the  lock. 

The  old  suspicions  of  the  evil  character  or  Walt  Punkley,  and 
the  doubtfullness  of  this  business  came  upon  him,  and  he  kicked 
the  panels  of  the  door  violently,  and  bellowed  threats  and  impreca- 
tions through  the  key -hole. 

"  Look  a  here,  old  Joskin  !"  he  cried,  "  I  'spose  ye  think  ye've 
got  a  soft  thing  on  me,  but  you'll  git  sick  of  it — see  if  you  don't — 
that's  aH. 


24 


WILL  W1FFLI3. 


He  listened  but  there  was  no  answer. 

"  Mind  you,  I  got  the  lamp,"  and,  by  the  lord  Harry,  I'll  set 
fire  to  the  crib  and  give  you  a  house  warming ! '  he  yelled  with  in- 
creasing anger  through  the  key-hole. 

The  closing  and  fastening  of  another  door  was  all  the  sound 
that  met  his  ear,  and,  uttering  a  string  of  words,  more  forcible  than 
elegant,  he  sprang  to  seize  the  lamp.  But  he  paused  as  his  eyes 
fell  upon  a  crumpled,  stained  paper  that  lay  upon  the  ricketty 
table. 

Will  Waffles  was  but  poorly  gifted  in  the  reading  or  writing  of 
letters,  and  it  was  only  by  the  blood  stains  upon  the  paper  that  he 
recognized  the  outer  sheet  of  the  clumsy  missive  conveyed  to  him 
by  John  Chunk. 

With  an  exclamation  he  snatched  it  up,  and  producing  Punkleys 
letter  from  his  pocket,  stared  from  one  to  other  in  angry  bewilder- 
ment. 

44  Sold,  by  jingo  !  Changed  off  and  all  my  fortin'  gone  up  salt 
creek  !  Reg'lary  up  in  abaloon!"  he  cried,  "  I  might  a  knowed  it. 
Its  jest  my  luck.  That's  what  come  o'  boastin'  about  blowouts  and 
black  silks,  and  eatin'  yer  clams  afore  they're  baked.  Blow  the 
luck,  its  too  rough !  This  feller  is  a  pal  o'  Punkley's  and  there'll  be 
rough  times  for  me  'atween  'em  if  the  story  about  the  letter  is  fair 
and  square,  and  I  believe  John  Chunk." 

Then  it  struck  him  that,  between  these  two  desperate  gamester- 
ers  for  wealth,  there  would  be  little  chance  left  for  a  life  that  would 
balk  them,  and  this  thought  placing  his  immediate  danger  before 
him,  he  did  not  resume  his  vain  endeavors  at  the  door,  but  lifted  the 
lamp  and  commenced  to  survey  the  apartment  for  some  other  means 
of  escape.  It  was  escape  only  that  filled  his  mind  now,  lie  gave 
up  the  idea  of  present  resistance,  because  he  lelt  that  it  was  hope- 
less and  might  prove  fatal. 

The  apartment  in  which  he  was  locked  was  a  garret  room,  filled 
with  the  wrecks  of  age-worn  furniture  and  other  dust-colored  lumber. 
The  ceiling  slanted  low  to  one  side,  and  was  perforated  by  a  large 
dormer  window.  At  one  wall  there  was  a  small  wretched  looking 
fire-place,  down  which  the  big  drops  of  snowy-rain  splashed  on  the 
hearthstone,  and  the  winter  wind  moaned  its  doleful  song,  rising  and 
falling  in  wild,  sorrowful  tones  like  the  wail  of  the  houseless  wan- 
derers who  shivered  before  its  breath,  or  the  moans  of  the  half-frozen 
children  who  were  huddled  together  in  the  fireless  habitations  of  the 
poor. 

"The  chimley  ain't  no  use,"  said  the  boy  putting  away  the  letter 
and  envelope,  "  I  s'pose  the  window's  the  only  dodge." 

He  pulled  aside  a  very  old  and  dingy  curtain,  and  tried  to  look 
through  the  storm  splashed  glass,  but,  between  the  dust  on  the  in- 
side and  the  sleet  on  the  outside,  it  was  not  transparent 


WILL  WAFFLES.  25 

With  some  exertion  he  opened  the  sash  and  a  great  gust  of  the 
storm  burst  in,  nearly  depriving  him  of  breath  and  extinguishing  his 
lamp  with  a  splutter,  thus  leaving  him  in  total  darkness. 

With  the  first  shock  of  the  gloom,  and  the  first  hollow  sound  of 
the  wind  in  the  dismal  room,  his  cool  courage  deserted  him,  and  a 
wild  desire  to  fly  from  the  place  came  over  him. 

The  city  lights  flickered  dull  and  fitfully  down  in  the  darkness, 
and  away,  away  until  the  blackness  of  the  storm  shut  them  out. 
The  rumble  of  carriages  and  omnibusesses,  and  the  long  roll  of  the 
street  cars  accompanied  by  the  jingling  of  bells,  came  up  in  irregu- 
lar swells,  whilst  the  never-ceasing  splash  and  patter  of  fhe  drifting 
rain  told  him  that  this  window  opened  on  the  top  of  the  building, 
and  he  knew  by  the  pitch  of  the  ceiling  that  the  roof  was  steep. 

A  desperate  venture  to  go  out  in  the  darkness,  he  knew  n  ot 
whither — to  perish  of  exposure,  or  be  dashed  to  piece  by  sliding  off 
the  snow  covered  slates.  The  boy  paused  for  a  moment  in  doubt, 
but  was  suddenly  decided  in  his  choice  by  hearing,  or  thinking  he 
heard,  a  sound  behind  him  as  of  some  one  stealthily  approaching 
the  door. 

With  a  quick,  silent  action,  and  a  dread  idea  of  being  murdered 
in  the  dark,  he  straddled  the  window-sill  and  feeling  outward  with 
one  hand  and  foot,  was  rejoiced  to  find  that  he  was  right  down  at 
the  eave-trough,  and  that  a  low  panelled  parapet  ran  along  its  edge, 
thus  promising  security  against  his  falling  off  into  the  street.  En- 
couraged b}r  this,  he  pulled  his  cap  tighter  on  his  head  and  com- 
menced to  creep  along  his  dangerous  track  with  trembling  move- 
ments— for  he  was  drenched  to  the  skin — the  clinging  sleet  chilled 
him — and  at  every  moment  he  expected  the  fierce  wind  to  whirl 
him  off  the  slippery  roof  and  dash  him  to  pieces  on  the  pavement 
below. 

He  passed  several  dormer  windows,  but  those  he  tried  were  fas- 
tened and  dark,  and  the  nervousness  and  cold  were  taking  such  ef- 
fect upon  him  that  he  was  almost  sorry  he  undertook  so  desperate 
a  venture.  He  paused  in  his  progress  from  sheer  exhaustion,  and 
gazed  with  a  sort  of  agonized  wistfulness  at  the  brightly  lighted 
windows  of  the  houses  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  street.  If  he  could 
only  make  the  inhabitants,  or  the  policemen  in  the  street  hear  his 
voice,  they  might  come  to  his  assistance  and  save  him  from  the 
death  that  threatened  him,  for  he  was  getting  faint  and  weak. 

He  called  aloud,  but  his  words  were  drowned  in  the  rush  of  the 
wind. 

He  had  leaned  rather  heavily  upon  the  panelling  of  the  eave,  to 
enable  him  to  direct  his  voice  downward,  when,  suddenly,  he  felt  it 
move  beneath  his  grasp. 

With  a  wild  cry  of  horror  he  threw  himself  back  flat  on  the  wel 


26  / 


WILL  WAFFLES, 


roof  and  desperately  clutched  the  cap  of  a  brick  cut-fire  that  separa- 
ed  two  of  the  buildings. 

The  next  instant  the  wind  seized  the  loosened  wood-work — tore 
it  fiercely  from  its  half  rotten  stays,  and  whirled  it  to  the  flags  below 
with  a  crash  that  echoed  through  the  street  like  the  discharge  of  a 
ship's  broadside. 

Will  Waffles,  terrified  by  the  thought  of  how  narrow  his  escapo 
had  been,  lay  in  his  uncomfortable  position,  listening  to  the  opening 
windows  and  the  hurrying  feet,  and  the  calling  of  frightened  voices, 
for  all  these  sounds  came  wildly  up  to  him.  Then,  with  a  glimmer 
of  hope,  he  sat  up  and  tried  once  more  to  attract  attention  by  wild 
cries;  but,  as  before,  the  whirling  wind  whistled  his  endeavors  to 
scorn,  and  at  last  the  sounds  below  ceased,  the  windows  were  closed 
and  the  people  dispersed — with  remarks  that  it  was  a  dreadful 
Btorm. 

Then  a  desperate  courage  came  to  the  boy,  and  he  endeavored  by 
a  strong  exertion  of  will  to  shake  off  the  numbness  and  fatal  drowsi- 
ness caused  by  the  cold. 

"  It'll  never  do  to  give  it  up  so,"  he  chattered,  gatherin  himself 
up  again,  "  This  is  too  much  for  high,  I  must  try  again,  P'raphs 
may  strike  it  this  trip." 

Another  while  of  tedious  and  painful  scrambling  and  his  perse 
verance  is  rewarded  by  his  seeing  a  glimmer  of  light  from  a  dormer 
window,  shining  on  the  wet  roof  and  flying  sleet.  In  a  minute  the 
boy  was  rapping  at  the  glass,  but  there  was  no  answer  to  his  ap- 
peal— no  signs  of  life  within. 

It  was  no  time  for  hesitation  or  delicacy,  and  Will  Waffles  hoist- 
ed the  window  and  surveyed  the  interior. 


CHAPTER  IV 


IN  PARADISE. 

The  reader  remembers  the  astonishment  and  delight  of  Aladdin 
when  his  gaze  first  fell  upon  the  wondrous  flowers  and  gem-bearing 
trees  of  the  Geni's  Cave.  Therefore  he  will  be  the  better  able  to  ap- 
preciate the  bewilderment  of  Will  Waffles,  when,  on  ( raising  the 
attic  window,  his  storm-beaten  eyes  rested  on  a  scene*of  such  bril- 
liancy, so  light,  so  splendid,  so  dazzling,  that,  contrasted  with  the 
late  gloominess,  it  soemed  to  him  like  a  glimpse  of  the  regions  0/ 
the  blest. 


\  w'i'll  wAi-Fur.  27 

;'P9tf0p9iliO8On  S)t: A/**  .TTT    .Ino-w^J fi^oi  rrcrfi  oyfiiM 

The  walls  of  the  apartment  were  draped  with  the  most  gorgeous- 
ly colored  fabrics.  Hung  at  intervals  were  robes  of  exquisite  rich- 
ness, bedizzened  with  spangles  of  gold  and  silver.  Interspersed 
with  these  were  displayed  girdles  and  crowns  of  different  designs, 
made  of  burnished  metal  and  sparkling  with  many  colored  gems. 
Alternately  with  these  were  different  highly  ornamented  musical  in- 
struments, the  Grecian  lyre,  the  Irish  harp,  with  its  angel's  head, 
the  old  fashioned  English  gittern,  the  Spanish  bandore,  the  Italian 
guitar,  and  lastly  the  Ethiopian  banjo. 

Here  and  there  were  suspended  trophies  of  arms  consisting  of  jew- 
el-hilted  swords,  war-axes,  spears  and  daggers,  with  shields  so 
highly  polished  that  they  reflected  the  light  like  mirrors.  On  the 
chairs,  and  even  scattered  on  the  floor,  were  other  pieces  of  bright 
head  costume,  and  fantastic  ornaments. 

A  coal  fire  glowed  in  the  little  grate,  and  beside  this  was  a  small 
round  table  with  a  snowy  cloth  and  a  tray  containing  a  neat  little 
tea-set  and  eatables,  with  a  cosy  arm-chair  drawn  up,  as  if  wait- 
ing impatiently  for  a  hungry  occupant. 

The  whole  of  this  strange  scene  was  shown  to  the  dripping  "Will 
"Waffles  by  the  light  of  a  large  glass  lamp,  which  sat,  slightly  turned 
down,  on  the  mantel-piece. 

The  boy  gazed  for  a  short  time  in  utter  astonishment  at  the  bright 
display,  but  the  un impressible  winter  wind  soon  brought  him  back  to 
the  unpleasant  reality  of  his  position,  and  lessened  his  awe  of  the 
armor  sufficiently  to  enable  him  to  call  out : 

"  Who  lives  here  ?  Is  there  anybody  in  ?" 

There  was  no  answer,  but  the  storm  gave  him  a  very  urgent  hint 
from  without,  and  the  fire  seemed  to  wink  him  a  very  pleasant  wel- 
come from  within ;  so  all  his  scruples  vanished,  and,  swinging  him- 
self over  the  window-sill,  he  let  the  window  fall  with  a  crash  be- 
hind him,  and  stood  still  for  a  minute  or  two,  almost  expecting  to 
see  some  pantomimic  demon  spring  from  the  walls  to  brain  him 
with  one  of  the  war-clubs. 

But  no  such  bloody-thirsty  personage  appearing,  Will  took 
courage  to  approach  the  fire,  justifying  his  intrusion,  however,  by  a 
loudly  spoken  speech,  to  the  following  effect : 

"  Can't  be  helped,  you  know.  Circumstances  over  which  your 
obedient  servant  had  no  control.  Will  Waffles  is  duced  cold,  and 
cold  Waffles  is  more  disgustin'  than  mud  cakes.  I  really  hope  I 
don't  intrude,  but  I  must  have  a  warm,  and  I*m  a  goin'  to  have  it 
— you  bet." 

With  the  last  words  he  threw  himself  into  the  arm-chair,  stuck 
his  wet,  benumbed  feet  up,  with  his  heels  upon  the  top  bar  of  the 
grate,  and  began  a  more  minute  survey  of  the  surroundings. 

"  Well,  TO  be  danged  if  this  'ere  isn't  a  lively  go.    Rather  a 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


change  from  roofing  it  like  atom-cat  Eh,  cully  ?"  hesoliloquized  ; 
.  Wonder  who  the  mischief  hangs  out  in  this  crib  ?  Almost  looks 
as  if  I  was  expected.  Supper  for  one — very  tempting.  Wonder 
dare  I  partake?  Wonder  what's  in  that  other  room.  Wonder 
what's  in  the  bottle !  Booh !  but  I'm  wet  and  cold !  S'pose  I 
was  to  uncork  the  bottle  and  sample  it.  But  I  guess  I'd  better 
sample  that  room  first." 

He  arose  and  threw  epen  a  door  that  stood  slightly  ajar.  Be- 
yond it  was  a  bed-chamber  plainly  but  neatly  furnished.  The  bed 
waa  tossed,  as  if  some  one  had  lately  arisen  from  it^  but  no  human 
form  was  visible. 

"If  I  ain't  grand  sachem  of  the  wigwam,  I'm  a  flounder!"  said 
Will  with  all  his  old,  easy  impudence  coming  back. 

He  swaggered  back  to  the  fire,  and,  after  giving  himself  a  couple 
of  cold  shakes,  lifted  a  bottle  from  the  tray  and  poured  out  a  wine 
glass  fall  of  its  contents. 

"  It  would  be  a  flyin'  in  the  face  of  Providence,"  he  said,  "  to  let 
my  chances  slip.  So  here's  ago  !  Here's  to  my  mothers  son  Will, 
That's  me.  Ha !  by  Jimminy  kings  !  that's  slap  up  !  That's  what'll 
start  the  phosphorus  in  a  feller's  system,  eh,  Guv'ner  ?" 

The  question  was  addressed  to  a  su;t  of  fight,  shining  armor  that 
was  placed  erect  against  the  wall,  and  presented  the  nearest  resem- 
blance to  the  human  form  divine  on  which  the  boy's  eyes  fell.  With 
the  happy  freedom  of  his  nature,  Mr.  Waffles  immediately  struck 
up  an  acquaintance  with  this  silent  individual,  installing  it  in  an  off 
hand  manner  in  the  governorship  of  the  establishment.  With  the 
returning  feeling  of  comfortableness,  and  beneath  the  stimulating 
effects  of  the  bottle,  all  the  Wafflesonian  facetitiousness  and  dash 
returned,  and  ere  long  he  had  not  only  demolished  the  eatables  on 
the  table,  gravely  thanking  the  armored  effigy  for  its  pressing  atten- 
tions, but  had  sadly  diminished  the  contents  of  the  bottle  by  con- 
tinual pledges  of  everlasting  friendship  and  fealty  to  what  he  called 
his  " newly-found,  iron-bound  friend." 

■You  see,  Guv'ner,"  he  said,  "throwing  his  legs  over  the  arm 
of  the  chair,  and  winking  confidentially  at  the  visioned  helmet  that 
represented  the  head  of  the  'guv'ner.'  I'm  one  o'  them  fellers  that 
likes  to  meet  with  a  polished  gentleman  and  I  really  believe  you  to 
be  a  man  of  metal.  You  don't  care  about  taking  anythying  ?  No  ! 
Don't  mention  it.  It's  all  right  I  know  how  it  is  myself.  Hate 
to  press  a  man.    Not  polite.    Good  health." 

With  a  laugh  at  his  own  l'acetiousne6S,  he  swallowed  another  glass. 
The  fumes  of  the  wine  were  rising  rapidly  to  his  head,  and  the  heat 
of  the  fire  was  causing  the  heavy  vapor  to  rise  from  his  wet 
clothes. 

"By  Jimminy  kings  1  this  will  never  work  I "  he  exclaimed  ris- 


WILL  WA.FFLES- 


29 


Shg  and  steadying  himself  by  the  mantle-piece,  "  Lots  o'  splendifer- 
ous togs  a  lyin'  round  for  the  takin'  and  me  a  takin'  my  death  o* 
rheumatiz !  Oh,  no,  not  for  Joe." 

First  assuring  himself  that  the  door  was  fastened,  he  peeled  off 
his  wet  clothes,  and  after  much  choosing  and  self-communing,  and 
consultation  with  his  "iron-bound  friend,"  he  had'soon  arrayed  him- 
self in  the  most  flaring  suit  of  Oriental  costume  that  the  room  con- 
tained, and  cocking  the  biggest  and  gaudiest  of  the  crowns  upon 
one  side  of  his  is  head,  he  swaggered  up  and  down  the  floor,  as 
proud  as  the  Emperor  of  Morocco. 

"I  say,  Guv'ner.  how's  this  for  high?"  he  exclaimed,  poking  the 
suit  of  armor  in  the  ribs  with  the  scimitar  he  had  appropriated. 
"  Aint  I  galluss  ?  Oh  no  !  Mebbe  not !  Look  for  all  the  world  like 
Fanny  Herring  in  the  French  Spy.  Hi-i-i-i !  Terrific  sword  com- 
bat! Up  and  down.  Round  play.  Thrust  and  parry.  ^  Die  Vil- 
lain.   Go  it  ye  cripples  and  make  the  sparks  fly  !" 

Suiting  the  action  to  the  word,  the  warlike  young  gentleman  en- 
tered heroically  into  a  tremendous  hand  to  hand  fight  with  several 
invisible  moors,  and  at  last,  exhausted  by  his  herculean  exertions, 
threw  himself  into  the  arm-chair  ©nee  more,  poured  out  a  glass  of 
wine,  and  elevated  his  feet,  now  encased  in  red  silk  hose  and  yellow 
sandals,  on  the  low  mantel-shelf. 

"  Ef  this  'ere  aint  a  high  old  go,  I'm  a  lobster — boil  me  !  Won- 
der what  the  Waffles  Sociables  would  say  if  they  only  saw  me  thus- 
ly :  settin'  here  a  sippin'  my  lush  like  Queen  Victoria  or  the  boss 
of  the  Americus  Club.  Titavated  like  a  pompey  at  a  cigar  store. 
Wouldn't  the  fellers  stare  if  I  w^nt  out  a  holloring  papers  to-morrow 
morning  in  this  rig-out?  Don't  think  they'd  ever  tumble  to  it  Most 
likely  take  me  lor  some  lively  moke  of  a  Haythen  Chinee  and  go 
for  me  like  wild  cats.  Ha !  ha !  What  a  solid  sell  that  would  be ! 
Here's  your  health  once  more,  guv'ner.  Sorry  you  don't  feel  at 
liberty  to  join  us.    Very  sorry,  indeed  I" 

He  emphasized  his  expression  of  sorrow  with  a  double  imbiba- 
tion.  All  idea  of  intrusion  or  danger  had  disappeared  with  the  rap- 
idly increasing  effects  of  the  liquor,  and  at  last  drowsiness  began  to 
creep  over  him,  his  soliloquies,  became  more  broken  and  incoherent 
and  at  last  sank  into  mere  mutterings  of  recovered  fortunes  and  dis- 
covered parents  and  morning  papers.  Visions  floated  around  him 
of  slouched-hatted  villains,  and  blubber-faced,  pig-eyed  Asiatics, 
and  clumsily-shaped  Chinese  junks  sailed  by  clumsy-shaped,  sailor- 
like John  Chunks — and  what  not,  until  the  stupor  closed  down  on 
him  suddenly  like  night-fall  in  Africa,  his  head  dropped  on  his  breast 
the  jewelled  crown  fell  ludicrously  over  one  eye,  and,  with  a  snore 
like  a  flourish  of  trumpets,  the  soul  of  Waffles  soared  to  dreamland 


so 


CHAPTER  V.' 

ANOTHER  TRANSFORMATION  AND  SOME  PLOTTING. 

Walt.  Punkley  and  his  timid  protegee,  Hadley,  waited  long  and 
anxiously  in  the  saloon  for  the  return  of  Will  Waffles  with,  the  an- 
swer. There  is  a  limit  to  the  patience  of  all  men,  and  at  length  Walt 
Punkley's  gave  way  in  a  torrent  of  curses  that  completely  upset  the 
nerves  of  his  companion. 

"  Come,"  he  said,  "  If  this  gent  won't  come  to  us  we  must  go  to 
him.  He  has  got  to  do  his  share  of  this  business,  and  will  have  a  fine 
game  to  play  if  he  dodges  me.    Come  !" 

Hadley,  with  the  fifty  cents  given  to  him  by  Will  Waffles,  clasped 
tight  in  his  hand,  and  his  hands  shoved  very  deep  into  his  pants  pock- 
et, said  in  a  weak  manner  that  he  had  an  appointment  to  keep— that  he 
couldn't  go. 

"  Curse  you !  What's  the  matter  with  you  V*  exclaimed  Punkley. 
44  Don't  you  beuin  a  riling  me,  too,  or  you'll  get  the  worst  of  it,  mind 
if  you  don't.    I'm  riled  enough  already.    So  come  along." 

Seizing  him  as  an  angry  school-master  might  a  rebellious  boy,  he 
dragged  him  from  the  place,  and  into  a  street  car  at  the  corner.  Little 
did  the  other  passengers  who  turned  to  look  at  the  great,  burly,  bearded 
man,  and  his  emaciated  companion,  think  of  the  fearful  influence  for 
evil  being  thus  daringly  exerted  before  the  very  eyes  of  the  public — or 
how  hopelessly  this  poor  fellow  had  been  placed  in  the  power  of  a 
ruffian  by  destitution  and  strangeness  in  the  city. 

A  very  short  time  brought  them  to  the  house  to  which  Will  Waffles 
had  borne  the  letter  that  caused  such  a  change  in  his  plans.  Punkley 
told  his  companion  to  wait  at  the  foot  of  the  high  stone  steps  while  he 
ascended. 

•  First  the  servant  appeared  black  and  grim,  and  then  Mr.  Mifflin, 
white  and  angry.  After  a  few  sharp  whispers  on  either  side,  Punkley 
called  to  Hadley,  who  reluctantly  ascended,  and  Mifflin  hurried  them 
along  the  passage  and  up  the  stairs  to  a  room  on  another  floor 

"  Now,"  he  said,  sharply,  as  he  closed  the  door  behind  him.  "  What, 
in  the  name  of  all  the  fiends,  brings  you  here?" 

44  Why  the  devil  didn't  you  come  to  where  I  told  you  ?"  cried  Punk- 
ley, in  a  savage  tcne. 

**  To  where  yon  told  me  P*  said  Mifflin,  in  unfeigned  astonishment, 

*  ¥©u*wd  ino  bov  k*d  been  kcre."  ^ 


\.  WILL  WAFFLES/  31  I 

,    '  -  <  m  i  ■■ I  *' 

"  He  was." 

"  And  did  he  not  bring  a  note  asking  you  to  meet  me  V* 
"  No,  he  brought  this." 

Pimkley  snatched  the  paper  from  the  man's  hand,  and  held  it  to  the 
light. 

"Where  did  he  get  this?"  he  cried,  gazing  suspiciously  at  Mifflin. 
"How  should  I  know  ?  he  said  it  was  from  you." 
*  It  was  a  lie.   Where  is  he  now  ?"  .  i 
"  Gone."  < 

"  Gone !"  cried  Bunkley,  furiously.  "  Death  and  furies,  why  did  you 
let  him  go,  and  you  knowing  the  contents  of  this  ?" 

"  What  could  I  do  ?"  said  Mifflin.  "  Would  you  have  me  raise  a  riot 
here,  and  expose  all  our  plans?  Besides,  the  boy  didn't  know  what 
that  was  about." 

A  change  came  over  Punkley's  dark  face,  and  after  a  moment's  re- 
flection  he  said,  quietly: 

"  You  are  right,  Oscar,  you  are  right.  He  could  not  have  known. 
'Twas  safer  to  keep  quiet — I  can  hunt  him  up  again — but  who  the 
devil  would  have  thought  it  ?   I  must  seek  him  out." 

A  strange  look— a  sort  of  sinister  half  smile,  flitted  across  the  thin 
white  lips  ©f  Mifflin,  as  he  heard  the  last  words,  but  he  suppressed  it, 
and  resumed,  shortly : 

"  Seeing  that  you  are  pleased  to  approve  of  my  c  aution  in  that  case 
why  are  you  so  reckless  as  to  come  here  against  my  wishes,  and  bring 
him  here?" 

As  he  said  these  words,  Mifflin  cast  one  contemptuous  look  from 
head  to  foot  of  the  miserably  clad  Hadley,  who  stood  just  within  the 
door,  twirling  his  dripping  hat  in  his  bony  hands,  and  glancing  in  a 
furtive  manner  from  one  to  the  other  of  these  mysteriously  spoken 
men. 

"  If  you  had  come  to  me  I  shouldn't  have  come  to  you,"  said  Punk- 
ley.  "  This  is  the  medical  gentleman  that  I  promised  to  procure  from 
Philadelphia  to  attend  the  old  man.  You  might  be  a  little  more  polite 
than  to  turn  up  your  nose  at  his  rig.  This  is  his  travelling  costume. 
He  had  to  leave  his  professional  labors  so  suddenly  to  attend  to  your 
pleasure,  that  he  had  not  time  to  think  either  of  change  or  portman- 
teau." 

"  Oh,  this  is  Mr.  " 

"  Doctor  Hadley,  of  Philadelphia,  the  only  man  in  the  world  who 
can  cure  the  old  man,  Oscar,"  said  Punkley.  "  What  about  the  tog- 
gery. You've  got  plenty,  and  you're  about  a  size.  Don't  fret  about 
your  trunk,  Hadley,  he'll  fix  you  up  all  right." 

Hadley's  pale  face  had  flushed  crimson  under  Mifflin's  scrutiny,  and 
the  sneering  raillery  of  Punkley,  but  as  the  former  advanced  toward 


32 


tfILL  WAFFLES, 


¥ 


him  with  smiling  face  and  extended  hand,  his  weak  nature  seemed 

compelled  to  yield,  and  accept  the  proffered  friendship. 

41 1  am  happy  to  make  the  acquaintance  of  so  skilled  a  gentleman  as 
Professor  Hadley,"  said  Mifflin.  "  I  am  very  sorry,  for  your  own  con- 
venience, that  you  were  forced  to  come  on  without  your  baggage,  but 
I  hope  that  you  will  do  me  the  honor  to  accept  a  change  from  me  un- 
til your  own  clothes  arrive." 

Hadley's  blood  tingled  at  the  tone  of  irony  that  ran  through  this 
6peech.  The  mock  respect  of  it  offended  him,  and  he  withdrew  his 
cold  hand. 

"  Just  step  into  this  room,  and  you  will  find  everything  needful," 
said  Mifflin,  apparently  not  noticing  his  displeasure. 
Hadley  did  not  move  or  answer. 

"  Go,  when  you  are  asked  !"  said  Walt  Punkley,  roughly.  "  What  do 
you  make  such  a  blasted  fool  of  yourself  for  ?" 

Strange  to  say,  the  person  that  stickled  at  the  polite  request  obeyed 
the  coarse  order  without  a  word,  and  followed  the  inviter  inio  the 
next  room. 

Mifflin  returned  a  couple  of  moments  afterward. 

"  That's  the  way  to  draw  him,  Oscar,"  said  Punkley.  "  Strike  him 
on  the  vanity— break  down  his  pride  through  his  love  of  style,  and  you 
can  make  a  lap-dog  of  him.  These  softies  are  all  heavy  on  gratitude 
and  if  you  feed  and  clothe  them,  they'll  stick  to  you  like  cats  or  mon- 
keys." 

Mifflin  motioned  the  other  to  be  cautious,  and  they  sunk  their  con- 
versation to  a  whisper,  and  continued  to  talk  in  this  manner  for  some 
minutes,  when  the  door  of  the  room  opened,  and  Hadley  appeared,  so 
perfectly  changed  that  even  the  men  that  looked  at  him  could  scarcely 
recognize  him. 

The  outfit  furnished  by  Mifflin  had  not  been  partial.  From  boots  to 
hat  the  change  was  complete.  The  crumpled  and  rain-stained  shirt 
had  been  replaced  by  snowy  linen  ;  the  coat,  vest  and  pants  were  of  fine 
black,  apparently  new,  and  fitted  him  as  if  they  had  been  cut  expressly 
for  him  ;  his  boots  were  neat  and  polished ;  his  delicate  neck  was  encir- 
cled in  a  black  satin  necktie,  and  broad,  turn-down  collar,  and  his  light 
hair,  combed  back  from  his  white  forehead  and  finely-featured  face, 
gave  him  so  genteel  and  intellectual  an  appearance  that  it  drew  an  ex- 
clamation of  wonder  from  Walt  Punkley  and  his  companion. 

"  Well,  m:iy  I  be  blowed !  If  here  ain't  a  change,"  said  Punkley, 
with  a  laugh.  "  Why,  Hadley,  what  a  swell  you  are,  your  own  mother 
wouldn't  know  you.  Who'd  ever  have  thought  yon  were  so  good 
looking  1" 

A  smile  of  pleasure  passed  over  the  weak  features  of  the  man,  but  it 
was  quickly  succeeded  by  a  look  of  pain  and  grief,  and  the  lips  seemed 


WILL  WAFFLES,  33 

to  form  themselves  into  the  word  "  mother,**  but  no  sound  escaped 

them. 

41  Blow  me,  Miff,  if  I  don't  have  to  get  you  to  fit  myself  up  natly^ 
since  you're  so  good  in  the  dry  goods  and  ready-made  clothing  lines," 
said  Punkley,  in  his  coarse,  bantering  way. 

Hadley  turned  toward  him  evidently  struggling  between  his  fear  and 
anger,  but  the  former  seemed  to  gain  the  day,  for  he  addressed  the  two 
men  in  a  mild  and  submissive  manner. 

"  Why  have  I  been  brought  here?"  he  said,  "  or  how  am  I  to  repay 
this  very  acceptable  and  unexpected  bounty  ?" 

"  Explain — elucidate !"  said  Punkley,  lighting  a  cigar,  and  leaving  the 
field  entirely  to  Mifflin,  though  that  worthy  drew  instructions  from  his 
eyes  during  the  remainder  of  the  interview. 

"  Be  seated,  Doctor  Hadley,"  said  Mifllin,  indicating  a  chair.  "  The 
reason  why  I  have  sought  this  interview  with  you,  through  the  medium 
of  our  mutual  friend,  is  briefly  this :  My  uncle  is  one  of  the  wealthiest 
men  in  the  United  States,  but  of  late  years  has  been  afflicted  with  dis- 
ease, or  rather  a  multitude  of  diseases,  for  he  imagines  himself  torment- 
ed by  all  the  ills  that  flesh  is  heir  to." 

u  Caused  by  dyspepsia — hypochondria,"  said  Hadley. 

u  Exactly,"  went  on  Mifflin.  "  But,  my  dear  sir,  the  worst  humors  of 
this  hypochondria  are  insane  ideas  of  ignoring  my  existence  and  my 
claims  upon  him,  and  leaving  all  his  weilth  to  some  unknown  woman 
and  her  child,  both  of  whom  must  be  in  kingdom  come  these  dozen 
years.  In  case  they  do  not  turn  up  in  a  given  time,  all  goes  to  several 
public  institutions  that  have  as  much  need  of  it  as  I  have  for  wings." 

"  And  how  am  I  to  serve  you  in  this  ?"  asited  Hadley,  doubtfully. 

"  By  curing  him  of  his  hypochondria." 

"  You  must  have  great  confidence  in  my  skill,"  smiled  Hadley,  with  a 
little  touch  of  his  vanity. 

Mifflin  looked  at.Punkley  as  if  for  instructions.  Punkley  poked  his 
finger  through  a  ring  of  smoke  that  he  had  blown,  and  gave  a  slow  de- 
cided nod,  but  spoke  not. 

44  I  have,"  said  Mifflin,  significantly,  answering  Hadley's  remark.  "In 
the  present  case,  where  there's  a  will  there's  skill." 

Hadley  started  at  the  tone,  and  glanced  from  the  speaker  to  Punkley# 
That  gentleman  sat  on  a  tilted  chair,  watching  the  curling  smoke  of  his 
cigar  with  a  grim  smile. 

"  Mifflins'  improved  Proverbs !"  he  said,  with  a  chuckle. 

"  I  do  not  understand  you,  sir,"  said  Hadley.  "The  man  may  be  in- 
curable—he  may  refuse  to  accept  my  services." 

"  1  he  man  must  be  cured,  and  he  will  accept  your  services,"  growled 
Wa't  Punkley,  from  behind  his  pillar  of  cloud. 

Mifllin  noticed  the  bad  effect  tl>3  interruption  had  on  Hadley,  and 
hastened  to  cover  it  up  by  a  rapid  explanation,  that,  among  his  other 


34  WILL  WAFFLES. 

Wild  fancies,  the  sick  man  had  become  possessed  of  the  idea  that  no 
one  could  cure  him  of  his  many  ailments  but  an  English  physician, 
"whose  name  had  been  revealed  to  him  in  a  dream. 

So  strongly  was  he  impressed  with  this  phantasy,  that  he  had  written 
letters  to  England,  offering  the  imaginary  man  of  medicine  his  own 
terms,  however  exorbitant,  to  come  to  America  and  endeavor  his 
cure. 

"  Hearing  this,"  continued  Mifflin,  "  and  well  aware  that  these  letters 
•would  get  into  the,  hands  of  more  than  one  blood-sucking  quack  who 
would  impose  upon  the  old  man's  lunacy  and  rob  him,  I  intercepted 
them.  Doctor  Stonely  is  the  dream-revealed  name  of  this  healer  of 
all  ills  " 

"  And  you  wish  me  to  " 

"  Exactly  I  |You  become  Doctor  Stonely.^  You  give  the  benefit  of 
your  sterling  knowledge  to  a  man  who  is  only  too  willing  [to  be  duped 
by  pretending  fools."  i 

"  I  do  not  like  the  deception  "  commenced  Hadley,  doubtfully. 

■  He  was  interrupted  by  an  impatient  exclamation  from  Mifflin,  and 
an  angry  burst  from  Punkley. 

"  Hang  it,  man !"  cried  the  latter  with  a  much  stronger  phrase  than 
I  care  to  use.  "  What  are  you  dreaming  about  ?  Where  is  the  decep- 
tion ?  Is  it  not  for  good  ?  Do  you  want  to  live  in  raggedness  all  your 
life,  and  die  in  the  alms-house?  Here  is  a  chance  that  will  never 
strike  you  in  the  shins  again.  No  '  city  reference '  required — and  you 
know  how  cursedly  that  want  has  kept  you  and  hundreds  of  others 
back — when  the  mouthers  about  honesty  drive  their  fellowmen  to  dis- 
honesty by  their  own  selfish  fears." 

Hadley  wilted  before  the  sardonic  smile  which  accompanied  these 
words.  For  Punkley 's  scorching  speeches,  false  as  the  ideas  were  in 
most  cases,  had  great  weight  on  the  weaker  mind  of  the  man. 

Well,  the  effect  was  that  Mr.  Hadley  was  furnished  with  the  inter- 
cepted letters  as  credentials  and  money  sufficient  to  enable  him  to  in- 
troduce himself  in  proper  style  to  Jonas  Coincraft. 

"  Coincraft  !"  gasped  the  man  in  astonishment,  as  the  name  fell 
from  the  lips  of  his  employer  and  instructor. 

The  letters  fell  from  his  trembling  hands,  and  were  scattered  on  the 
carpet. 

"  Yes,  Coincraft  1"  said  Mifflin,  wondering  what  new  phase  of  ner- 
vous weakness  was  about  to  be  displayed.  44  Do  you  know  him  ?  But 
nonsense,  you  must  have  heard  of  him.  Everybody  in  the  Union  Las 
heard  of  old  Coincraft.   Do  you  know  him  per&onally  r" 

44  No— yes — that  is  long,  long  ago— I  mean  1  have  heard  the  name. 
Of  course,  ha !  ha !  how  could  I  help.  A9  you  say,  sir,  everybody  has 
heard  of  Old  Coincraft   Why  shouldn't  I  ?  Why?" 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


35 


Both  men  gazed  at  him  in  astonishment  These  disjointed  phrases 
Were  jerked  out  spasmodically,  his  face  flushed  and  paled  alternately, 
and,  as  he  stooped  to  gather  up  the  letters  he  had  dropped,  his  confu- 
sion was  painful  to  witness,  and  the  broken,  forced  laugh  fell  hollow 
and  sickly  on  their  ears. 

Mifflin  looked[at  Punkley  in  doubt 

"  There  is  something  strange  and  wrong  here,"  he  said,  in  a  low 
voice.  "He  is  unfit  for  this  business,  his  nervousness  will  betray 
him." 

Hadley  sprang  up  from  his  stooping  posture,  with  glittering  eyes  and 
firm,  braced  form. 

"  No !"  he  said,  in  a  firmer  and  more  energetic  manner  than  he  had 
yet  spoken  in.  "  No  fear — no  fear  of  that  I  will  go.  I  will  person- 
ate this  doctor.  Ha !  ha !  Why  should  my  knowledge  of  Jonas  Coin- 
craft  render  me  less  fit  to  be  his  physician  ?   I  take  the  trust." 

Punkley  looked  at  the  man's  glittering  eyes  and  compressed  lips,  and 
slapping  him  heavily  on  the  back,  said: 

"  Well  said,  my  bird  of  pluck,  I  see  there's  mettle  in  you.  The  old 
un's  good  for  a  perfect  cure  !  Mifflin,"  he  said  aside  to  his  colleague. 
u  let  the  miserable  devil  keep  his  little  secret,  it  dosent  matter  to  us 
what  it  is,  so  long  as  it  works  into  our  hands.  That  man  will  do  any- 
thing, from  knife  work  to  poisoning. 

So  the  three  parted. 

**  Now  to  see  my  prisoner  and  invent  a  means  of  getting  rid  of  him !" 
soliloquized  Mifflin  after  shutting  the  hall  door  on  the  other  two. 
"  Punkley  never  suspected  this  boys  importance.  Who  the  mischief 
would.   I  must  get  him  away  in  some  manner — no  matter  what  1" 

f  Now  to  find  this  boy,"  muttered  Punkley  as  he  descended  the 
steps  into  the  wet  street  "  Who  the  devil  would  have  ever  imagined 
such  a  thing  ?  Mifflin  thinks  he's  smart.  I'll  get  tne  youngster  in  my 
clutches  and  play  him  off  against  my  Oscar." 

Honor  among  thieves. 

Waffles  in  great  demand.  But  would  either  be  successful  in  the 
search ! 

Mifflin  ffoundjhis  prison  room  empty,  and  Punkley  knew  no  place 
to  look  for  the  object  of  interest— at  least  until  the  next  day. 

t  a  fuj        to  gofooKI  !e*r.rm»;  .  »  u 

4  ;'-      •  '■:  hMpt  but  ffi<2ft  t»W>  I>j 

|i  lof*>  ►  lift    «..'  i*       U  *        'J  t  U  P 

■ 


if '»» 


38 


WILL  WAFYLE8 


CHAPTER  YL 

CHANGES — IN  THE  MIMIC  WORLD — "  THE  DARING  YOUNG~MAN  OW 
THE  FLYING  TRAPEZE."  ' 

Will  Waffles,  in  all  the  glory  of  self -adorned,  unconcious  dignity 
performed  double  bass  to  the  doleful  musie  of  the  night  wind  in  the 
chimney,  and  to  all  appearance,  might  have  continued  doing  so  to  in- 
finity. But  that  the  royal  circlet  that  crowned  his  noble  brow  rolled  off 
in  one  of  his  nods  and  fell  plump  into  the  fire  before  him. 

Thereupon  the  immense  glass  gems  of  the  diadem  showed  a  sudden 
resentment  of  the  indignity  by  sp  itting  in  pieces  at  the  first  touch 
of  the  fire,  and  sprinkling  the  sleeping  youth  with  their  heated  frag- 
ments. 

"  Holy  smoke !"  he  yelled  springing  from  his  chair  and  striking  into 
a  spirited  walk-around.    "  Where  do  you  buy  your  fireworks  V 

Then,  in  the  first  whirl  of  confusion  caused  by  the  forgotten  strange- 
ness of  these  surroundings, his  eyes  fell  upon  the  rigid  suit  of  armor 
which  he  had  dubbed  the  "guv'ner." 

44  Look  here,  you  old  bloke !"  he  cried,  "  D'ye  suppose  I'm  a  Johnny 
Raw,  that  you  can  play  off  on  even  ye  are  boss  of  the  ranche.  There 
scratch  yer  doggerotype — take  that !"  , 

He  struck  the  armor  with  the  sword  he  had  snapped  up.  It  fell  to 
the  floor  with  a  fearful  clangor,  and  immediately  there  was  a  commo- 
tion below  and  the  sound  of  many  feet  coming  np  the  stairs. 

44  Good  bye,  John »  Now  I've  did  it  1"  he  cried,  doubtful  what  way 
to  go.   I  must  get  time  to  hook  it !" 

He  jumped  to  the  window  and  opened  it,  but  drew  back  from  the 
gush  of  the  storm. 

44  That's  too  thin,  and  so's  my  outfit,"  he  said,  shaking  his  bead 
"  Nary  a  budge.  Be  a  man  or  a  mouse  !  Die  dog  or  eat  the  hatchet 
What?  4  Shall  I  play  the  roamin' fool  and  die  upon  the  roof?'  Not 
for  Josephine  !  I'll  stand  upon  my  dig'  and  flight  it  out  on  this  clothes 
line,  if  it  takes  the  hull  summer,  as  gineral  Grant  said  in  his  great  char- 
acter of  Mac-Beat  I" 

His  gallant  soul  fired  with  the  magnanimous  resolution,  he  formed 
himself  iato  line  of  battle,  (a  rather  wavering  line  to  be  eure)  and 
awaited  the  advance  of  the  enemy. 

The  tey  was  turned  in  the  lock,  the  door  swung  open,  and  with  a  1 


"WILL  WAFFLES. 


dire  clatter  of  FtRE-arms,  (tongs  pokers  and  shovels),  the  enemy  ad- 
vanced in  solid  column. 

Two  maid  servants  and  a  boy  commanded  by  a  veiy  gaunt  female 
supported  by  a  very  corpulent  man. 

"  It's  a  thief !"  chorussed  the  quintette. 

"  Awh-h-h  !  Cheese  it !  Draw  it  siiky  !"  exclaimed  the  juvenile  intru- 
der. 

"  Surrender !"  exploded  the  stout  gentleman. 
"Dunno  how,  'Taint  in  my  line." 

"  Fellow !"  cried  the  gaunt  lady  in  a  very  precise  style,  "  You  shall 
be  con-qured,  you  shall  be  giv-en  up  to  just-ice!"  . 

"  Mad-am  !"  exclaimed  Will  adopting  her  style,  and  pointing  to  his 
snow-soaked  heap  of  clothes  upon  the  floor,  "I  have  had  j*cst-ioe 
enough  for  Joe  for  one  night." 

"  Sieze  the  housebreaker !"  cried  the  portly  man  to  the  girls  and 
boy. 

"  The  first  one  of  you  tries  it  sees  a  HEAD-breaker,  you  bet !" 

"You  shall  answer  for  this  at  the  Police  Court,"  exclaimed  the  lady. 

"  Now,  madam,"  said  Will  eyeing  his  showy  costume.  "  Don't  you 
think  this  would  be  a  gallus  rig  to  go  courtin'  in  ?  That's  so.  Golly 
how  the  cops  and  beaks  would  stare.  They'd  want  to  sware  a  feller 
in  on  a  box  of  tea  or  a  bag  of  dates." 

"Advance I"  cried  the  portly  gentleman.  u  Seize  him!  He  is  a  tres- 
passer and  a  plunderer  1" 

"  Yer  lie  !"  cried  Will,  indignantly.  "  I'm  a  Waffles  and  a  news- 
boy !" 

"  You're  a  burglar !" 

"  You're  another !  I  never  touched  yer  burgles,"  yelled  Will,  going 
wild  at  the  thought. 

He  threw  himself  savagely  on  the  allies,  and  after  a  desperate  strug- 
gle, routed  them  with  true  melo-dramatic  bravery,  and  rushed  down 
the  stairs  attired  as  he  was,  and  preceded  by  the  two  maid  servants 
screaming  at  the  top  of  their  vices.  Words  of  enquiry  sounded  from 
below  and  he  heard  the  frightened  girls  telling  somebody — 

"  That  it  was  the  haythen  devil  that  dressed  in  the  attic,  that  had 
run  amuck  from  eatin'  opium  and  was  tryin'  to  kill  them  all." 

Upon  this  hint  Will  spoke. 

He  thought  the  terror  of  the  people  would  certainly  aid  his  escape 
and  he  immediately  commenced  to  roar  forth  the  most  outlandish  jar- 
gon of  sounds  he  could  invent. 

Hardly,  however,  had  his  foot  touched  the  floor  of  the  lower  passage 
■when  he  was  suddenly  seized  by  a  party  of  men.  as  oddly  dressed  and 
wild-looking  as  himself,  and  uttering  just  as  frightful  sounds.  These 
persons  dragged  him  from  the  house,  and  forcing  him  into  a  carriage 
drove  rapidly  oft 


S8 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


'"I'm  a  dead  beat,"  he  said,  mentally.  Gone  up  the  spoufc,  sure,  for 
if  they  dont  send  me  to  finish  my  musical  education  at  the  Sing-singing 
school  up  the  river.  I'm  good  for  ninety  days  diamond  cutting  on  the 
Island,  or  p'raps  a  brace  of  stretches  at  Auburn — mush  and  molasses, 
close-cropped  hair  and  all  that.  Bah !  only  think  o'  me  bein'  nick- 
named *  The  boy  with  the  Auburn  hair!'  This  is  what  a  fellor  gets 
by  putira'  on  lugs,  and  wanting  to  cut  a  swell  with  other  folks'  fixin's. 
I  wonder,  though,  where  the  peelers  got  their  suits,  they're  jest  like 
mine ;  and  I  wonder  where  they  learned  that  lingo  ?  Sounds  for  all 
the  world  like  a  gang  of  coopers  working  on  flour  barrels.  What  if 
they  wasn't  cops  at  all,  but  a  lot  of  real  Chaynermen  that  think  they've 
got  a  soft  thing  on  me!  Fancy  they've  captured  the  Tycoon  of  Tapan, 
or  the  Grand  Panjandarum  of  Timbuctoo — Wouldn't  that  be  high 
though?   Ha!  ha!  ha! 

His  enjoyment  of  his  sublime  idea  was  interrupted  by  the  guttura, 
remarks  of  his  companions  who  seemed  to  be  pressing  upon  him  the 
necessity  of  keeping  quiet. 

"  Shet  yer  miserable  mouts,  ye  batch  o'  watchmen's  rattles!"  he 
cried  pompously. 

"  Have  you  no  depreication  of  the  privileges  of  a  State  prisoner? 
Have  you  no  fear  of  the  cunsekinces  of  this  outrage  upon  the  dignity 
of  the  bar-stangled-spanner  ?  Hal  ha!  How  is  that  ivr  flag-rant  ?  Eh? 
old  pigtail  and  chop  sticks  ?" 

Further  answer  or  enjoyment  was  cut  short  by  the  carriage  stopping 
beneath  a  blaze  of  calcium  lights  in  front  of  a  brilliantly  lighted 
place  of  amusement.  Will  Raffles  gazed  at  the  place  in  astonishment, 
as  the  door  of  the  vehicle  was  opened,  and  he  was  pulled  out  and 
bundled  toward  the  building.  It  was  evidenlty  no  police  station.  The 
front  of  it  was  highly  decorated  by  flaring  mammoth  paintings  repre- 
senting the  wonderful  equestrian  and  acrobatic  feats  of  the  world- 
renowned  troupe  of  newly  imported  Bedouin  Arabs  ! 

"  Well,  trot  me  dexter--ous  if  this 'ere  aint  a  rum  jink  and  no  let  up !" 
exclaimed  the  eloquent  William.  '  So  I  ain't  to  be  a  Chaynerman  nor 
a  Jap  after  all,  but  a  performin' Arab,  no  less!  It's  the  Circus,  this 
here— and  I  was  to  bring  Meg  Merrilees  to-night,  and  she's  likely  to 
come  down  on  me  like  fury  for  a  disappointing  her.  Lor'  wouldn't 
6he  laugh  if  she  only  saw  me  a  playin'  Arab  actor  ?  I've  a  mind  to  go 
through  with  it  if  they  don't  smell  a  mice  and  give  me  the  kick-out. 

I  can  act  just  as  good  as  Little  Tommy,  or  Little  All  right. 
Why  not — I've  rid  pigs  and  goats  enough,  and  I've  been  on  the  swings 
at  Weehauken  and  the  bars  at  Guttenburg.   Whose  afraid  ?  Hooray  P 

During  this  he  was  conducted  into  the  actors'  entrance  of  the  pavil- 
ion, and  heard  the  impatient  thundering  of  the  audience,  occasioned 
by  the  delay  of  some  expected  act.  As  he  was  hurried  along  by  hit  j 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


39 


Jabbering  captors,  and  heard  their  angry  exclamations  and  the  hurry- 
ing back  and  forth  of  desperate  operatives,  the  courage  of  the  boy  in» 
his  whimsical  design  of  playing  out  the  character  forced  upon  him, 
somewhat  wavered,  but  he  had  no  time  for  doubt  or  expostulation. 
Entering  a  dim,  crowded  dressing  room,  where  a  clown  and  the  fairy 
of  the  afterpiece  were  eating  fried  oysters  out  of  a  blue  pasteboard 
box,  he  had  to  bear  a  grand  attack. 

A  tall  man,  in  black  clothes  and  tarnished  gold  lace,  rushed  at  him 
with  a  heavy  whip  and  a  torrent  of  select  English,  while  a  half-dozen 
wild  looking  demons,  in  Asiatic  costume,  came  down  upon  him  with 
a  burst  of  jargon  that  might  have  been  produced  by  as  many  deserters 
from  the  Tower  of  Babel, 

Part  of  his  appropriate  attire  was  quickly  pulled  off,  and  replaced 
just  as  speedy,  by  some  other  things  still  more  gaudy.  Then,  amid 
the  glare  of  music  and  the  clash  of  symbals,  he  was  suddenly  pushed 
out  into  the  blaze  of  lights  and  the  gaze  of  huudreds  of  people. 

He  stood  upon  a  temporary  platform  high  above  the  saw-dust  ring. 
Before  him,  suspended  from  the  iron  roof  of  the  amphitheatre,  were 
several  swings,  and  another  platform,  similar  to  that  on  which  he 
stood,  was  erected  beyond  the  succession  of  swings  at  the  other  side  of 
the  arena.  Below  the  swings  ran  a  row  of  tressels  with  boards  an  I 
matting  on  them. 

A  fashionable  dressed  man  stood  in  the  centre  and  loudly  announced 
that  the  sight  seeking  world  were  about  to  be  favored  with  the  most 
astonishing  flying  trapeze  acts  by  a  wild  young  Ismaelitisn  gentleman 
with  a  most  unpronounceable  name. 

As  the  announcer  ceased,  great  plaudits  arose  from  the  audience, 
and  the  expostulations  of  the  frightened  boy  were  drowned,  the  wav- 
ing of  his  arms  being  taken  for  the  Arabian  expression  of  thanks  for 
the  reception. 

"  Oh  let  up  I"  he  cried,  "  Who  in  Jericho  would  know  me  by  such  a 
name  as  that  ?  You're  a  blower —that's  what  yon  are  I' 

The  wildest  looking  Arab  in  the  part}1-  came  forward  to  his  side  and 
bellowed  in  his  ear  something  that  he  guessed  by  the  energy  of  ex- 
pression was  a  curse  or  a  threat.  At  the  same  time  the  man  below 
threw  up  one  of  the  swings,  and  the  boy  involuntarily  caught  the 
bar. 

M  Well,  if  this  ain't  steeple-high,  I'm  a  beat !"  said  Will.  UI  s'pose 
I'll  have  to  break  my  neck  afore  they'll  believe  that  I'm  not  the  feller 
with  the  jaw-breakin' name.  I  s'pose  I  must  swing  for  it.  If  I  can 
only  git  landed  safe  on  tother  side  of  Jordan  there,  I'll  make  a  bolt 
tor  the  door.    So  here  goes  the  last  of  the  Waffleses,  as  the  English 


40 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


lord  saitl  when  he  was  charged  too  much  at  the  BcU-and-  Cleaver. 
Who's  afraid?   Hoop!  La!" 

And  away  he  went  with  a  long  sweep  ;  but  just  as  he  left  the  pillar 
a  small  figure  dressed  very  much  like  himself,  and  looking  very  simi- 
lar, crushed  its  way  through  the  crowd  on  the  opposite  lobby,  with 
wild  cries  and  gestures. 

Answering  cries  of  astonishment  arose  from  the  audience  and  the 
attaches  of  the  establishment. 

"  That's  my  double,  my  clothier  I"  gasped  Will. 

As  he  swung  up  to^the  other  platform,  the  real  Simon  Pure  seized 
the  swing,  and,  in  Will's  struggle  for  a  footing,  they  both  rol.ed  off 
andjswung  away  back  again. 

"  Roost  high,  nigger !  Count  for  game  !"  cried  the  unterrified  in- 
truder with  high  enjoyment  of  the  excitement.  "How's  this  for 
Siamese  ?*v  , 

But  his  companion,  with  an  angry  growl,  sprang  to  another  swing 
and  the  next  moment  the}'  met  in  the  centre  with  such  force,  that  Will 
was  hurst  from  his  hold,  and  sent  whirling  through  the  air  into  the  lap 
of  the  big  drummer  in  the  orchestra. 

"  Domino !  How's  that  for  high  ?"  he  exclaimed,  dashing  down  the 
lobby  for  the  street  door,  with  the  ushers  after  him,  amid  the  exolosive 
laughter  of  the  audience,  and  cries  of : 

"  Stop  him !    Let  him  go  !    Stop  him  !   Leg  it,  youngster !" 

"  Why,  it's  not  a  Chaynerman  at  all !"  cried  a  stout  woman  in  the 
audience  near  the  door.   "  Why,  you  Will  Waffles !" 

"Ah!  Hello,  Meg,  you  here.  'Scuse  me,  I  must  away— cannot  stay, 
Pressing  business !   Cut  stick !   You  know  how  it  is  yourself !" 

And  he  disappeared,  dexterously  dodging  the  ticket  taker  who 
thought  to  capture  him,  and  out  into  the  street. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

A  SMALL  TEA  PARTY  MRS.  CODDLES  SUGGESTION. 

They  found  Will  Waffles  still  in  his  fanciful  costume,  but  with 
his  head  surmounted  by  a  blue  soldiers  cap,  roaring  out  choice  bits 
of  high-strung  tragedy  to  the  intense  delight  of  a  juvenile  gathering 
crowded  on  the  landing  and  in  the  room  door. 

"  Hoity,  toity  !  What's  to  pay  here  ?"  cried  Meg,  pushing  through 
the  excited  audience  and  confronting  her  adopted  hopeful,  "  What!s 
to  pay  her©  ?" 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


41 


M 1  Base  is  the  slave  that  pays,' "  shouted  Waffles  striking  a  pom- 
pons attitude. 

"  What,  has  the  boy  lost  his  wits?"  cried  the  bewildered  Meg. 

"  Per-r-rish  the  a-thought !  Time  was  when  the  wits  were  out  the 
man  was  a-dead,  and  ther-r-r-e  an  end  on't,  but  now  they  quit  their- 
r-r  gr-raves  and  r-r-ise  again  with  twenty  mor-r-tal  gashes  on  ther- 
r-r  a-heads  to  push  us  from  our-r-r  a-stools !  How's  that  for 
tragic?" 

Thereupon,  as  if  to  show  his  versatility  the  eccentric  young  gen- 
tleman stuck  his  arms  a-kimbo  and  sailed  away  around  the  apart- 
ment in  a  fantastic  pas  suel,  finishing  up  by  a  break-down  step  on 
Mrs.  Coddles'  toes. 

"Oh,  you  young  brute!"  screamed  the  lady,  If  I  catch  you  I'll 
throw  you  into  the  fire  !" 

"Ifme  no  ifs!  But  catch  me  if  you  can/'  he  cried,  eluding  her 
grasp  and  dancing  off  again  singing  : 

'Kate  Coddle  was  a  milkman's  daughter 

That  lived  upon  the  "Weir, 
And  though  we  know  she  hadn't  oughter 

She  sometimes  takes  hsr  beer." 

"You  are  an  imperent  young  rascal  !"  cried  the  lady,  with  an- 
other attempt  to  seize  him. 

"Come!"  cried  Me?  to  the  laughing  youngsters  in  the  door, 
"Get  away  childer,  iha^'s  enough  of  this  foolery.  Send  them 
awa\r,  Will,  that's  a  good  fellow." 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  said  Yv^ill  pompously  addressing  the 
juveniles,  "  At  the  request  of  the  management,  I  beg  to  state  that 
tjyt  o}d  thing  does  Yt  work  well  enough  to  authorize  the  continuance 
of  this  performanc  e.  But  we  shall  recommence  regularly  to-morrow 
evening,  and  give  a  grand  family  morning  peiformance  in  the  after- 
noon on  Saturday.  Balcony  seats  on  the  stairs  at  reduced  prices. 
Liberal  terms  to  Societies  and  Sunday  schools.  So  mote  it  be,  as 
Ben  Butler  said  when  he  got  a  brick  in  his  eye.  So  stand  not  upon 
the  order  of  your  going,  but  go  it  in  the  days  of  your  youth !  Now," 
he  said,  "  turning  to  the  women  as  the  youngsters  left  the  door. 
"  How's  this  rig  for  style?  Eh,  cully?  Doesn't  this  take  the  shine 
out  o'  ready  made  clothin'.    Nothin'  shorter,  you  bet!" 

"  Why,  whatever  have  you  been  a  doin'  with  yerself  ?" 

"  A  doin' !  I've  been  a  endeavorin'  to  suspend  the  goose  in  an 
elevated  posiah,  to  raise  mvself  a  little  in  the  world,  I've  been  im- 
bibing sherry  wine  and  royal  tastes  and  am  as  "hungry  as  a  royal 
tiger,  so  dish  up  the  hash !  Shell  out !  Would  you  see  a  felier  a 
dyin'  and  never  say  'turkey?'  ? 


42 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


"Young man,"  said  Meg  in  humorous  reproof,  "I  think  yer  put- 
tin'  on  air's  above  yer  station." 

k<  Above  my  station,  madam  ?"  he  exclaimed,  loftily,  "  Presump- 
tuous mortal,  you  know  not  what  you  say.  Thou  knowest  not  how 
the  ancient  arrangement  operates.  The  blood  of  princes  may  wairni 
the  heart  of  "Waffles !" 

"I  uses  charcoal  to  warm  'em!"  said  Meg  scraping  the  frying 
pan,  and  Kate  Coddle,  forgot  her  trampled  toes  to  laugh  at  Meg's 
joke. 

"  You're  an  unbeliever — a  female  Thomas.  Listen,  Oh,  woman 
— I  have  discovered  a  trace  to  my  paternal  pa  and  maternal  ma. 
That's  what's  the  matter  with  Hannah  I" 

"  You  what!"  exclaimed  Meg,  dropping  the  pan  and  staring  at 
him  with  a  strangely  mingled  look  of  doubt  and  pain  upon  her  broad 
face,  "  You've  found  them  !  What !  What  traces." 

"  Dat  am  de  question,  I  don't  know  no  more'n  John  Brown,  I'vb 
lost  'em  agin !" 

"  You've  been  smokin'  strong  cigars  and  your  head's  not  right," 
said  Meg  slapping  a  couple  of  slices  of  bacon  into  the  pan,  "  That's 
it,  it's  strong  cigars  that  did  it." 

"  Strong  cigars  /"  cried  the  boy  contemptuously,  "  You  must 
think  I'm  a  muffin  !  Strong  cigars — likely  I" 

He  threw  himself  into  a  chair  and  was  indignantly  silent  for  some 
minutes,  but  when  the  little  supper  was  spread  and  they  had  drawn 
around  the  table  he  yielded  to  the  questions  of  the  women  and  re- 
lated his  adventures  of  the  night,  and  the  glimmer  of  light  that  had 
shone  upon  the  doubtfulness  of  his  birth — and  disappeared  so  sud- 
denly. 

Meg  was  more  sorrowed  at  the  prospect  of  him — upon  whom  she 
looked  as  her  own  son — being  separated  from  her,  rather  than  over- 
joyed by  the  chance  of  wealth  lilting  the  boy  above  the  hard  fate 
which  he  had  borne  with  so  stout  a  heart. 

Still  his  representations  of  the  lavish  style  in  which  she  could  clothe 
herself — of  the  whole  cargoes  of  black  silk  which  he  should  import 
expressly  for  her  own  use — of  the  palatial  residence  which  she 
should  occupy  when  she  had  washed  her  lady-like  hands  of  charcoal 
and  turned  her  back  on  Waffles — all  these'things  were  as  balmy  to 
her  wounds  and  she  laughed  happily  at  the  prospect  of  her  "white- 
headed  boy  "  being  an  estaled  gentleman  and  driving  her  through 
the  streets,  to  the  admiration  and  envy  Of  all  the  less  fortunate 
members  of  her  present  profession  who  still  struggled  in  the  des- 
semination  of  apples  and  cakes. 

And  indeed  when  Meg  Merry  Lees  turned  her  beaming  eyes  from 
the  interested  face  of  her  friend  Kate  to  her  adopted  son,  seated 
like  a  prince  in  his  gaudy  robes  bedizzened  with  spangles  and  lace, 
the  old  fireside  tales  of  fairy  wealth  rose  before  her,  and  if  one  of  th$ 


WILL  WAFFLES.  l$~ 

•  r  V| 

boy's  news-selling  friends  had  suddenly  rushed  in  with  an  extra 
proclaiming  Will  Waffles  Emperor  of  the  United  States  it  would 
hardly  have  astonished  her  or  caused  her  big  heart  to  throb  a  bit 
faster. 

Their  hope  of  recovering  the  lost  clue  was  not  damped  by  the 
disappearance  of  the  letter,  as  the  boy  knew  the  house  to  which  he 
had  taken  it.  He  knew  where  Mr.  John  Chunk  held  forth  and  it 
was  altogether  too  likely  that  that  gentleman  knew  the  address  of 
the  important  missive  and  could  explain  the  contents,  as  well  as 
bear  evidence  to  Will  Waffles'  being  the  person  to  whom  it  was 
sent. 

Lastly,  there  was  Bellevue  Hospital.  The  patient  might  not  yet 
be  dead,  or  if  so,  might  have  left  some  further  revelation  in  regard 
to  this  secret. 

It  was  late  now — a  rough  night  too — and  it  was  decided  by  the 
triumvirate  (for  Mrs.  Kate  Coddle  had  been  appointed  "  of  coun- 
sel "),  that  it  was  the  best  plan  to  let  things  stop  as  they  are  until 
the  next  day,  when  the  whole  available  force,  (including  the  Waf- 
fles' Sociables"),  should  be  placed  upon  a  war-footing  for  the  rend- 
ing away  of  this  veil  of  mystery. 

*  And  now,  Mrs.  Coddle,"  said  Will,  with  his  mouth  full,  "Now, 
that's  all  fixed  ship-shape,  let's  talk  about  you." 

"  About  me  ?" 

"  Yes.  Where  have  you  kept  yerself  ?  4  Whar  d'ye  come  from  ? 
Whar's  ye  gvvine  to,  knock  a  nigga  down  ?" 

"  It's  often  ye  desarve  knockin'  down,  and  it's  enough  you  ought 
to  get  of  it  though  you  flighty  young  scapegrace  I"  said  Mrs.  Cod- 
dle, laughing. 

"Oh  the  Arab,  you  mean  !"  cried  the  boy  joining  in  the  merri* 
ment,  "  Lord,  didn't  he  git  up  his  back  sthTer'n  gum  Arabic,  when 
he  seed  me  scupping  on  his  property  ?  Didn't  he  go  for  me  kiting 
but  I  retired  as  gracefully  as  a  Sepoy  blown  from  a  gun.  Reckon 
there'll  be  considerable  drum  mending,  agoin'  on  there  to-morrow, 
and  a  new  Dutch  musicianer  wanted.  But  that  ain't  the  item. 
Where  do  you  hang  yer  hoopskirt  these  days  ?" 

44  Well  Willie,  the  place  as  I  endeavors  to  do  good  in,  is  a  fine 
place  and  a  good,  and  it  was  more  that  than  to  see  half-naked  hay- 
thens  tryin'  f  break  their  necks,  and  you  as  bad  as  the  rest  every 
ha'porth,  that  brought  me  out  such  a  night  as  this." 

44  Sling  it  out>  we've  4  lent  you  our  ears '  repayable  with  interest 
haven't  we  Meg  ?" 

^  44  The  place  is  Mr.  Jonas  Coincraft's." 

"  Jonas  Coincraft.  That's  a  rum  lable,  aint  it  ?  But  somehow,  I 
think  I've  heard  it  afore." 

V  He  lives  on  Fifth  Avenue." 
J  By  Joe,  that*!  where  my  old  feller  lived  Wo  1"  ml  Waffle*  t 


44 


tf  I  L  L  WA  F  FLS8. 


"Mr.  Coincraft  is  stunning  rich — but  he's  an  un-wallid — 

u  A  what  ?  Unvalued  !  Don't  he  value  accordin'  to  his  stamp* 

"  Oh,  bother,  Let  me  go  on." 

"  Go  it  Sail  and  I'll  hold  yer  bonnet!" 

"  Well,  Mr.  Coincraft  ~" 

11  Yes,  I  know  the  old  duffer — old  wheezle-throat — hira  as  does 
sickness  by  contract.    He  s  a  healthy  garlic  pill,  aint  he,  though  ?" 

"  Just  as  you  say,  Willie,"  edged  in  Mrs.  Coddle,  "He  does  do 
sickness  wonderful,  as  nateral  as  a  man  could  wish  for.  He  thinks 
he's  a  reg'lar  Bellevue,  with  every  disease  in  the  whole  blessed  con- 
cern in  his  blessed  body." 

"Why  don't  you  'put  hkn  in  his  little  bed,'  and  poultice  him 
with  sods  and  coffin -lids?  They  cure  sickness  beautiful — sure  pop 
— waranted  never  to  fail.  Trade  mark ; — 1 1,  said  the  owl — with 
my  spade  and  shovel,  I  dug  his  grave.'  Wraffles  and  Coddle,  Sole 
Agents  for  the  U.  S.,  New  Jersey,  and  the  Canary  Islands.  How's 
that  for  hickory  ?" 

"Marg'et  dear,"  cried  the  distressed  Mrs.  Coddle,  "  Will  you 
stop  that  boy  ?" 

"  I'm  fast,"  said  the  boy  as  Meg  raised  her  goodly  hand  in  warn- 
ing, "fast  as  Noah's  ark  at  low  tide." 

Then  the  voluble  youngster  went  into  a  fit  of  deep  abstraction. 
His  thoughts  seemed  to  be  of  a  mathematical  nature  by  the  way  in 
which  he  cut  the  bread  and  butter  on  his  plate  into  geometric  fig- 
ures, and  the  severe  manner  in  which  he  disposed  of  these  tooth, 
some  demonstrations  stomach  ward." 

''Well — ah — well,"  said  Mrs.  Coddle,  sagely,  "AVeall  has  our 
failures — there  aint  no  one  of  us  perfect." 

"  What  joke  book  have  you  been  readin'  ?"  said  Will,  sotto  toce. 

"  Some  has  one  thing — some  another — "  went  on  Mrs.  C. 

"  Mr.  Coincraft,  poor  man,  ain't  no  deception  to  the  rule—" 

"  Awh  !  Cheese  it !  Go  for  it !  It's  name  is  Gobble !"  exploded  Will 
swallowing  a  rhomboid  and  a  triangle. 

Mrs.  Coddle  looked  appealingly  at  her  friend  and  Meg,  now  entered 
into  a  warm  protest  against  the  impertinence  and  impoliteness  of  Mus- 
ter Waffles  his  interruptions. 

The  accused  said  that  he  "  owned  the  corn,"  that  he  "caved"  and 
that  Mrs.  Coddle  "  talked  like  a  hand  organ,"  or  he  was  "a  bilk,"  &c, 
&c,  and  Mrs.  C.  proceeding  wordily  to  the  end,  it  appeared  that  the 
mouse  that  caused  all  this  mountain  labor,  was  the  fact  that  old  Mr- 
Coincraft  had  made  up  his  mind  to  establish  a  boy — a  good,  smart  boy 
he  must  be— and  hones.  His  duties  were  to  be  a  sort  of  companionship 
for  the  invalid,  and  a  general  usefulnes  in  the  shape  of  errand  running 
find  the  like, 


WILL   WAFFLES-  45  | 

So  Mrs.  Coddle  explained  how  she  thought  that  the  place  would  suit 
Will,  for  he  was  smart  and  sharp,  and  there  was  fun  in  him  that  would 
enable  to  amuse  the  sick  man,  and  Mrs.  Meg  Lees  thanked  Mrs.  C.  for 
her  consideration,  and  endorsed  the  suggestion  as  it  was  coming  on 
rough  winter  and  not  much  to  be  made  of  papers. 

At  first  Will  Waffles  rebelled  fiercely  against  the  idea  of  an  arrange- 
ment that  wa3  so  much  opposed  to  his  Arab-like  love  of  uncontrolled 
Lberty.  But  at  length  the  united  eloquence  of  the  two  women  wrung 
from  him  a  promise  to  go  to  the  wealthy  man's  house  the  next  day  and 
"  see  how  it  was  himself." 

Tiiis  decision  was  principally  induced  by  the  skilful  representation 
by  Mrs.  Coddle,  that  the  young  gentleman  would  have  plcniy  of 
chance  to  indulge  in  his  theatrical  tastes  for  the  amusement  of  the  sick 
man. 

41  And  sensible,  too,"  said  Meg,  and  not  to  b<»  philandering  around  the 
streets  like  a  merry-andrcw,  and  breaking  his  neck  where  he  has  no 
right. 

So  the  conference  broke  up. 


CHAPTER  VIIL 

JONAS  COINCRAFT — DOCTOR  AND  NURSE. 

The  wealthy  Jonas  Coincraft  lived,  or  rather  existed,  in  a  very  large 
aad  very  sombre  house,  far  up  on  Fil  th  Avenue.  It  bore  every  ap- 
pearance of  being  the  residence  of  a  wretched  man. 

The  windows,  dusty  and  cobwebbed  on  the  outside,  and  heavily 
shuttered  within,  were  very  rarely  opened. 

The  iron  paling  in  front  was  deeply  encrusted  with  rust,  and  falling 
to  pieces,  from  lack  of  repairing  and  painting,  while  the  ornaments 
that  had  formerly  adorned  either  side  of  the  steps,  had  gone,  leaving 
but  a  vestige  to  tell  that  they  once  existed. 

The  little  grass-plot  within  the  railing  was  withered  and  grimy-look- 
ing, as  if  it  had  been  put  into  the  pound  and  suffered  to  die  for  want 
of  nourishment. 

Within — the  greater  portion  of  the  house,  for  it  was  very  large — 
was  gloomy,  dusty,  and  unused.  The  particular  part  with  which  we 
have  to  do,  is  reached  by  ascending  the  wide  deserted-lookinsr  stair- 
case. The  closed-up  -way  in  which  the  house  is  kept,  renders  the  paj»- 
sages  very  dark,  causing  one  almost  to  have  to  feel  his  way,  but  enter- 


Tf ILL  WIFFLIBt 


ing  a  close-smelling  room  at  the  back.  The  dull  daylight  is  seen  one© 
more  through  the  dusty  windows  and  thick  curtains. 
I  The  apartment  is  small  and  dingy,  and  the  furniture,  which  is  too 
plentiful  for  the  size  of  the  room,  is  old-fashioned,  heavy  and  decayed 
An  enormous  curtained  bedstead,  a  very  large  bureau,  a  much-used 
sofa,  a  ricketty  centre-table,  and  some  half-dozen  uncomfortable-look- 
ing chairs  formed  the  principal  objects,  except  that  before  the  wretched 
fire  was  a  wheeled  sick  chair,  and  in  this,  propped  up  with  pillows,  sat' 
Jonas  Coincraf  t. 

He  was  a  little  wheezling,  wrin  kled-faced  person,  with  a  restless 
peevish  manner,  and  a  large  red  night-cap.  His  feet  were  wrapped  up 
to  fearful  dimensions,  and  propped  on  cushions.  •  A  pair  of  crutches 
stood,  one  on  either  side  of  the  fireplace,  and  a  small  table  at  his  elbow 
was  actually  covered  with  phials  and  pill-boxes,  of  every  size,  shape 
and  color. 

On  the  mantel -piece  were  solidly  arranged  hundreds  of  empty  medi- 
cine bottles,  on  which  the  eyes  of  the  old  man  were  steadily  fixed,  as  if 
he  found  pleasure  and  relief  in  contemplating  those  ghosts  of  departed 
doses.  • 

At  the  present  time  he  held  an  open  letter  in  his  hand,  as  if  he  had 
just  been  reading  it. 

"  Coddle !  Coddle  1  Coddle  1"  he  cried,  shrilly,  his  voice  rising  in 
pitch  at  every  repetition  of  the  name. 

There  was  no  answer  for  the  minute,  and,  with  great  impatience,  he 
seized  a  very  large  dinner  bell  from  the  floor  beside  his  chair,and  began 
to  ring  like  a  town  crier,  the  peal  waking  up  every  echo  of  the  house. 

A  very  pretty  young  girl  glided  noiselessly  into  the  room  and  stood 
beside  his  chair. 

"What  can  I  do  for  you,  uncle,"  she  asked. 

M  Do  for  me  ?"  he  cried  peevishly.  "  You  can  save  my  life.  You 
can  spare  me  this — oh  clear,  my  nerves — this  exertion  that  nigh  kills 
me.  Why — why — can't  some  of  you  stay  near  me,  when  you  know 
the  way  that  I'm  afflicted.  Ugh  —  ugh!  Where  do  you  hide  your- 
selves r 

"  I  was  in  the  kitchen  stewing  the  pot  of  herbs  for  your  night- 
drink,"  answered  the  girl,  in  a  low,  meek  tone. 

"Well,  well,"  bellowed  the  old  fellow,  clapping  his  hands  to  his  ears. 
"You  needn't  hallo  so  loud.  Have  you  got  no  feeling  for  my  nerves  ? 
Ugh  1  Ugh  1  There's  that  accursed  asthma  at  me  again.  Can't  last 
much  longer.  It  will  soon  be  over. '  This  neglect  will  kill  me.  Urn! 
that  pain  V\ 

The  wretched  looking  mo  n  actually  writhed  with  the  imaginary  agony 
and  the  girl  caught  his  hands  and  held  them  firmly,  as  women  do  to 
children  in  the  hooping  cough. 


1TIL  L  ¥A  FPL  E  s7  47 

'ATy  poor  uncle,  how  you  do  suffer.  What  can  I  do  to  relieve  you?n 
she  said. 

"  Bah !"  he  cried.   "  What  do  you  care— what  do  any  of  you  care  ? 
O-o-o-h  !   It's  all  of  self,  you  think,  any  of  you  1" 
M  Oh,  uncle,"  said  the  girl. 

"Fiddlesticks.  I  know  you— all  of  you.  Don't  you  know  it  is  past 
time  for  my  medicine,  and  there's  that  pint  bottle  of  nervine  to  take, 
and  the  other  half  of  the  last  box  of  pills — and — where's  Coddle  ?" 

"  Gone  to  the  druggists  for  the  rest  of  the  medicine.  Her  basket 
wasn't  big  enough  to  bring  it  all  at  once." 

Some  other  of  his  many  ailments  seemed  to  seize  the  old  man,  for  he 
clasped  his  head,  and  howled  like  a  panther. 

"  I  must  not  be  alone  thii  way  any  more.  I  will  have  a  medicine 
•nrrier  of  my  own." 

"  The  druggist's  boy  "  commenced  the  girl  but  the  invalid  inter 

rupted  her  savagely. 

"  Yes  IV  he  cried.  "  The  druggist's  boy, '  and  have  him  joining  with 
the  other  brats  in  the  streets  to  tamper  with  the  things.  Didn't  they 
fill  one  of  the  bottles  with  ditch  water  and  brick  dust,  and  nearly  kill 
me.'  Didn't  they  put  nitrate  of  silver  in  my  neuralgic  liniment,  and 
change  one-half  of  my  face  as  black  as  a  negro's,  for  three  months  ? 
Mightn't  they  even  be  induced  by  interested  persons  to  give  me  poi- 
son ?  No,  no,  Rebecca.  I'll  have  a  good  honest  boy  of  my  own — one 
without  any  idle  pranks  or  nonsense  in  him— one  of  a  retiring  disposi- 
tion and  modest  address— obedient,  and  imbued  with  a  proper  respect 
for  his  superiors — such  a  one  must  I  have,  Rebecca  and  such  a  one  has 
Mrs.  Coddle  promised  to  secure  for  me." 

*  Yes,  uncle." 

"  Has  she  got  him  ?   She  said  she  had  her  eyes  on  one  that  would 
just  suit  me.  One  of  refinement  and  intelligence.    Has  he  come  ?" 
"  Not  yet,  uncle  ;  he  will  be  here  in  the  afternoon." 
"  Good,  so  far  good.   Now,  who  brought  this  letter." 
"  The  postman." 

u  Ha !  The  heartless  wretch  that  rings  the  bell  with  ruffian  hand. 
But  I  forgive  him  this  time,  for  the  news  is  good,  good,  Rebecca 
good !" 

I  am  very  glad  to  hear  it." 

u  Yes,  girl,  it  is  the  long-expected  messenger  of  peace — the  herald  of 
glad  tidings — it  informs  me  that  the  great  Doctor  Stonely,  the  won- 
derful man,  whose  existence  was  miraculously  discovered  to  me  in  a 
vision  of  the  night,  is  a  real  man — no  myth  of  my  diseased  imagina- 
tion, as  the  noodles  said — but  a  real  man,  and  a  scientific  light — that  he 
has  answered  my  summons,  and  has  landed  in  New  York  to  bring  me 
back  to  lusty  life." 


4» 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


Exhausted  with  such  unusually  long  speaking,  the  old  man  fell  back 
on  his  pillows  in  a  s  trangling  fit  of  coughing,  and  he  was  recovered 
from  it  by  the  ringing  of  the  street  door-bell.  The  girl,  Rebecca,  w<  ht 
to  attend  the  call,  and  very  soon  afterwards  returned,  followed  by  Mrs. 
Coddle,  as  large  as  life,  with  a  market  basket  as  big,  as  the  law  allows, 
on  her  arm. 

44  Here's  the  medicine,  and  here's  Poctor  Stonely,"  she  announced. 

"  Eh  !  God  ble>s  me  !  So  soon  !"  exclaimed  the  expectant  invalid 
springing  from  his  seat  with  a  strength  and  agility  that  augured  well 
for  the  success  of  a  doctor's  attendance,  when  his  simple  name  was  ca- 
pable of  accomplishing  so  much.  He  seized  his  crutches  from  the 
tire-place,  andjturned  to  confront  his  illus'rious  visitor. 

Of  course  the  reader  is  aware  that  the  pale,  gentlemanly  person  that 
stood  bowing  on  the  threshold,  was  none  other  than  Charles  Hadley. 
He  was  very  pale,  the  only  addition  to  the  costume,  in  which  I  before 
described  him,  being  a  pair  of  handsome,  gold-rimmed  spectacles,  and 
some  jewelry  added  to  give  importance  to  his  appearance. 

"  The  very  man  !  My  dream  perfect !"  exclaimed  Coincraft,  gazing 
in  awe  at  the  man.  "  I  am  most  happy  to  welcome  Dr.  Stonely  to 
my  house." 

"I  am  proud  to  acknowledge  the  honor  you  hnve  done  me  by  this 
summons,"  said  Dr.  Stonely,  bowing  over  the  palsied  hand  that  was 
fehoved  past  the  crutch  to  clasp  his  own. 

"  Pray,  be  seated,  my  dear  sir,  my  condition  is  so  lamentably— ugh  ! 
ugh!"  bubbled  the  patient,  tumbling  in  a  disorganized  way  into  his  pil- 
lowed chair,  which  rolled  away,  sliding  him  on  the  carpet  in  the  man- 
ner of  a  bale  of  cotton  dumped  from  a  cart. 

Dr.  Stonely  and  Mrs.  Coddle  ran  to  the  rescue,  while  Rebecca  caught 
the  chair,  and  brought  it  back  to  position. 

"  You  are  indeed  in  a  bad  condition,  my  friend,"  said  the  physician, 
at  they  raised  him  from  the  floor,  and  placed  him  in  his  chair.  "  We 
must  proceed  to  business  at  once.  Y<-u  are  a  relative  madam,"  he 
said,  as  ho  caught  the  earnest  gaze  of  the  young  girl. 

44  Yes,  sir,"  she  said,  in  a  retiring  manner.  b_  44 1  am  the  niece  of  Mr. 
Joincraft." 

41  Why  have  you  allowed  this  place  to  be  kept  so  gloomily  ?" 

The  tone  was  severe,  and  it  was  very  evident  that  the  professional 
spirit  of  the  speaker  was  getting  the  better  of  any  selfish  interests  or 
sinister  plans  to  which  his  circumstances  had  driven  him.  There  was 
more  manliness  and  dignity  than  he  had  before  displayed  in  the  pres- 
ence of  Punkley  and  Mifflin. 

Rebecca  was  not  allowed  to  answer,  for  both  Mr.  Coincraft  and  Mrs. 
Coddle  burst  in  interruptivcb/. 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


49 


*  What  had  she  to  say  ?"  growled  the  first. 

44  Troth  and  yer  right  there.  The  divil  a  ha'porth.  Who  dare  med' 
die  with  him?" 

The  old  man  purred  self-satisfiedly  at  this  compliment  to  his  power 
and  indisputable  will. 

*  No  one  meddles  with  me,"  he  said. 

"  I  beg  you  to  understand,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  I  have  full  power 
here  if  I  act  at  all.   You  are  the  housekeeper?" 

M  The  nurse,  sir,  Kate  Coddle,  sir,  at  your  sarvice." 

44  What  are  all  these  bottles  1"  he  said,  pointing  to  the  lot  which  he 
had  been  examining. 

44  They  are  his  medicines,  sir." 

44  Take  them  away  !"  he  cried,  with  a  wave  of  his  hand. 
Coincraft  gave  a  great  start,  and  the  nurse  gazed  at  the  new  author- 
ity in  horror. 
44  TaKe  them  where,  doctor?" 

44  Anywhere  out  of  this.  Throw  them  out  of  the  window.  Tear 
down  those  dusty  curtains,  and  let  us  have  lierht.  Raise  the  sash,  and 
ventillate  this  mouldy  room." 

Could  this  be  the  same  wavering,  shrinking  man  that  Punkley  had 
60  brow-beaten  ? 

The  patient  gazed  at  the  tyrant  that  he  had  himself  conjured  to  his 
side,  in  such  a  manner  as  Frankenstein  must  have  gazed  at  his  self- 
created  demon. 

But  he  recovered  and  entered  into  a  half  angry  expostulation 
against  the  destruction  or  removal  of  his  long-time  companions,  the 
bottles  and  pill-boxes. 

The  physician  was  firm  in  his  demand  of  absolute  sway,  and 
there  is  no  saying  where  the  altercation  might  have  ended  but  for 
the  entrance  of  Mr.  Oscar  Mifflin,  who  had  for  some  moments  been 
standing  unnoticed  in  the  room  door,  listening  to  the  war  of  words. 

44  Good  morning,  uncle,"  he  said,  advancing. 

The  old  man  twisted  his  neck  around,  and  looked  at  nim  with  a 
scowl  before  returning  his  salutation. 

No  sign  of  recognition  passed  between  Hadley  and  Mifflin,  and 
when  Coincraft  grimly  introduced  them,  their  salutations  were  a* 


50  will  waffles. 

cold  and  distant  as  though  one  had  just'arrived  from  £Kova  fcembta^ 

and  the  other  from  Alaska. 

Ere  many  seconds,  however,  Mr.  Mifflin  had  drawn  Dr.  Stonely 
to  one  side,  and  talked  to  him  in  a  rapid,  severe  manner. 

The  consequence  was  that  the  worst,  weak  points  of  the  man's 
character  were  in  the  ascendant  once  more,  and  the  patiens's  pets 
were  allowed  to  remain,  with  the  only  provision  that  he  was  to 
cease  partaking  of  their  contents,  for  the  present,  at  least. 

So  Charles  Hadley  was  installed  as  house  physician  to  the  Coin* 
craft  Hospital. 

As  soon  as  the  patient  was  left  by  Rebecca  and  the  man,  he 
called  Mrs,  Coddle  to  him,  as  if  her  presence  was  a  blessing  after  that 
of  the  dream-created  physician. 

"  Coddle,  that  man  has  shaken  me  to  pieces.  Iam  worse — much 
worse  !    Oh  my  !  my  head !    Ha  !  what  a  twinge  was  there ! 

Send  the  conceited  jackanapes  away  again,  back  to  the  roast  beef 
of  Old  England,"  suggested  Mrs.  Coddle. 

"No,  no,  I'm  afraid  of  him.  He  came  in  so  strange  a  way.  I  found  out 
about  him  so — so  mysteriously.  There  is  something  In  it — ugh  1  ugh  ! 
there  is  something  in  it.  I'm  glad  Mifflin  came— the  first  time  I  ever 
was  glad,"  croaked  the  old  man,  casting  a  frightened  glance  over  his 
shoulder.    "  He  took  him  off  me  for  a  while,  at  least," 

"  Humph  !"  snorted  Mrs.  Coddle,  "  Take  him  off  ye,  indeed  !  The 
devil  take  his  impudence  for  a  beef-eatin?  Sassanach,  what  brings 
him  or  the  likes  of  him  over  here  to  bully  over  any  person  ?  Isn't 
it  enough  for  them  to  be  makin'  Fenian  martyrs  at  home,  but  they 
must  come  across  the  say,  to  put  on  their  airs  and  take  the  bread 
out  of  honest  people's  mouths  ?" 

"Oh  !  oh  !  oh  1"  yelled  the  invalid  slapping  his  hands  to  his  ears 
as  Kate  became  more  shrill  and  energetic  in  her  denunciation  of 
Saxon  insolence,  "  Peace — peace'— give  us  peace  1" 

"  Troth  I  will  give  you  peace,  sir, — a  piece  of  my  mind,  and 
that's  this  " 

"Death  and  furies  cried  the  ear-tortured  man  clutching  his 
crutches  and  hobbling  desperately  around  the  room  followed  by  Kate 
Coddle,  in  full  harangue,  slapping  her  one  big  hand  into  the  other 
with  pistol-like  reports. 


fei  p  WILL   WAFFLES..  /  51 

■  Oh  you  needn't  death  or  furies  anything  about  it,  for  the  divil 
a  death  is  in  you,  and  your  fury  '11  do  you  no  sarvice.  I'm  your 
nurse,  and  if  I  am,  your  nurse  I  will  be,  in  spite  of  any  1  haitch'  'at- 
mg  Hinglishman  of  them  all.  Haven't  I  done  my  duty  by  you  and 
earned  my  wage  to  the  penny  ?  Haven't  I  carried  ye  drugs  by  the 
basket  load,  and  corked  them  for  you  by  the  cauldron  ?  Isn't  there 
enough  herbs  in  the  basket  there  now  to  fodder  a  horse  for  a  day 
if  they  didn't  make  him  sick  ?" 

The  man,  flying  before  her,  gave  an  afifirmatory  groan. 

"  When  you  longed  for  good  quiet  company  and  agree'ble,  didn't 
I  put  on  my  things  and  hunt  up  Willie  Waffles — as  is  the  best  11a- 
turedest  and  most  smartest  young  man  in  the  city  of  New  York 
and  I  defy  ye  to  find  another.  A  young  man  that's  genteely  rared 
— as  quiet  and  innocent  as  a  sucking  dove — and  with  a  temper  as 
smooth  as  a  kid  glove — a  boy  as  would  be  a  jewel  in  the  company 
of  a  prince !" 

14  Awh-h-h  !  Dry  upl  That's  too  thick  for  plaster.  Let's  have  a 
rest  I"  caniQ  a  familiar  voice  f»*ow  ths  room  door. 


62  -r  X  ^  WILL  WAFFLEg. 

}~  ..     I     •  •    'f  A  - 

Tipv    'v^.v-.   ,  •.  •••  yw  >'<v<  on  ILxug  "?uov  tuts  mVjVj 

CHAPTER  IX  9 

THE  NEW  SKRVITOB  A  BATTLE  BOYAL. 

Coincjraft  and  Kate  Coddle  turned  at  the  same  instant  to  see  "Will 
Waffles  leaning  against  the  jamb  with  his  legs  crossed,  and  a  very  large 
cigar  in  his  teeth,  and  behind  him,  with  shining  lace,  Meg  Merry  Lees 
herself. 

Meg  had  had  considerable  difficulty  in  replacing  the  suit  of  clothes 
which  Will  had  left  in  Paradise,  and  his  present  outfit,  with  all  her 
care  gave  evidence  of  violent  appropriation. 

He  wore  a  flaming  red  shirt  so  much  to  big  for  him,  that  it  bagged 
out  in  front  like  the  breast  of  the  scarlet  ibis.  His  jacket  had  onca 
enjoyed  the  dignity  of  coat-ship,  but  the  skirts  were  curtailed  and  the 
sleeves  rolled  up  to  a  proper  shortness.  The  pants  were  very  haggy 
and  had  also  been  shortened  by  the  roll-up  process. 

He  still  wore  the  yellcw  boots  of  the  Arab  dress,  (for  Will  was  vain 
of  the  smallness  of  his  feet),  and  had  a  soldier's  cap,  placed  very  much 
over  one  eye. 

"Ha  !"  exclaimed  Coincraft,  balancing  on  his  crutches.  "  Who  Cod- 
dle.   Who  are  these  people  V* 

u  These  people,"  said  Mrs.  Coddle,  assuming  a  bland,  introductory 
manner — "  these  people,  sir,  is  my  friend  Missus  Marg'et  Lees — " 

Meg's  great  smiling  face  blushed  red  as  she  courtesied.deeply  before 
the  man  of  wealth. 

"  And  this !"  said  the  ceremonious  Coddle,  "  This  is  Master  William 
Lees—" 

"  How  is  things  ?  How's  your  health  ?"  asked  Will  Waffles  with  a 
puff. 

"  What— what— what  the  plague  do  they  want  here  ?"  cried  the  old 
man. 

"The  young  gtntleman  that  I  spoke  about,"  continued  Kate,  not 
heeding  the  interruption,  "  Him  as  they  calls  Willie  Waffles." 

if 


WILL   "WAFFLES-  fc| 

"What  HE  !" 

M  I'm  the  feller  you  jist  bet  yer  boots  on  that,"  cried  Will  with  a  long 
puff  of  smoke. 
The  sick  man  sank  into  his  chair  with  a  gasp. 

"  Coddle  !"  he  exclaimed,  what  kind  of  a  person  do  you  bring  here? 
Can  this  be  the  creature  you  meant  ?" 

"  Missus  Coddle !"  enunciated  the  !  ~>y,  strutting  forward  with  hia 
hands  in  his  pants  pockets,  and  his  cigai  still  in  one  side  of  his  mouth. 
What  kind  of  an  old  ourang-outang  is  this  to  fetch  me  to  ?  Can  this 
be  the  fossil  wants  me  to  iiire  him  ?" 

u  Oh,  William,  William !"  cried  Meg,  giving  him  that  dignified  form 
of  his  name  for  the  first  time  in  her  life,  in  deference  to  the  presence, 
"  You  know  you  shouldn't — " 

"Well,  let  the  old  bilk  not  try  to  come  his  jibes  on  me.  What's  he 
take  me  for?" 

"  Why,  you  impudent  j  ackanapes !"  cried  ths  old  man,  seizing  one  of 
his  crutches  viciously. 

M  Get  out,  you  petrified  mummy  of  a  baboon,"  said  Will  witheringly, 
chewing  the  end  of  his  cigar.  "  Don't  you  go  to  try  your  hoppity- 
clinch  on  me,  or  there'll  be  a  scarcity  of  crutches,  I  can  tell  you." 

"  Leave  my  house,"  screamed  the  invalid,  quivering  from  head  to 
foot. 

"  Just  when  my  baggage  is  checked,  and  not  before — If  I  know  it 
I'd  see  you  good  lookin'  first,  and  it'll  be  some  time  till  that" 
"  Go,  leave  my  house,  or  I'll  have  you  arrested  !" 
44  Go  and  put  your  head  to  soak — " 
4'  Why  yon — " 

41  Take  a  drink  of  small  potatoes,  to  cure  you  of  the  gout !"  cried  the 
boy,  eyeing  the  bundled  up  feet  with  supreme  contempt 

This  stinging  shot  capped  the  climax,  for  the  old  man,  forgetful  of 
the  gout,  sprang  up  and  struck  at  the  boy  with  his  crutch,  cry- 
ing :  

41  You— you  insolent  ragamuffin  r 

44  Ragamuffin,  yerself !"  shouted  Meg  Merry  Lees,  rushing  into  the 
battle  with  rolled  up  sleeves. 

Now  ensued  aa  lively  a  scene  as  war  ever  got  up  at  short  notice  in  a 
sick  chamber. 


54  *  .WILL  WAFFLES. 

i.     mr  ....  -  » 

Coincraft  was  laying  about  him  with  his  crutch  like  Earl  WaTwick 
at  the  battle  of  Barnet,  and  Will,  leizing  its  mate,  entered  into  the  fulJ 
Bpirit  of  the  scene  in  true  terrific  Bowery  combat  sty  le, 

"  Nuff  said !"  he  cried,  "  Duke's  Motto,  I'm  here !  All  *on  hand'  like 
Johnny  Thompson  lM 

With  a  promptness  worthy  of  General  McClellan,Meg  took  possession 
of  the  table  laden  with  medicine  bottles  and  proceeded  to  shell  the 
enemy  over  the  Wamesonian  head. 

This  dreadful  odds  must  soon  have  put  the  Coincraft  army  to  flight, 
but  KateCoddle.seeing  the  danger  in  which  her  employ ei\conscientiously 
threw  her  forces  on  me  weaker  side,  and  seizing  the  bottle  pack- 
ed mantel-piece  as  a  base  of  operations,  unmaskea  her  batteries  and 
opened  a  counter-bombardment  on  the  enemies  works. 

The  cannonade  was  terrific. 

It  was  an  aw-ful  moment  f  as  they  say  in  the  ten  cent  novels. 

Pills  and  potions  and  liniments  and  lotions  and  plasters  and  blis- 
ters filled  the  war-like  air. 

The  Coddle  battery  was  the  better  served,  out  the  "roaring- 
Meg,"  was  more  effective,  for  her  shells  were  better  filled  and  though 
her  shots  did  go  a  little  wide,  some  of  her  Greek  fire  was  sure  to 
reach  the  intended  spot. 

But  every  war  must  have  an  end  and  the  Coincraft  infantry  was 
forced  to  retreat  before  Wafflesonian  valor  and  retire  to  Fort  Pillow 
in  the  chair,  just  as  Doctor  Stonely,  Rebecca  and  a  servant  rushed 
into  the  room  in  alarm. 

"  Stop,  stop  !"  cried  the  doctor. 

But  the  blood  of  the  artillerists  was  up  and  the  shower  of  missiles 
continued. 

"  Stop  them !  Let  us  have  peace !"  gasped  the  old  man  from  his 
pillow. 

"  Let  up  Meg !  Come  down,  Kate !"  cried  "Will,  running  be- 
tween the  combatants,  "  Let  us  have  a  piece — as  General  G~ant 
said  when  he  caught  the  fellers  eatin'  the  mule  I" 

The  women  were  caught  and  held,  and  the  glassy  shower  conse- 
quently ceased,  but  the  fray  continued  in  the  keen  encounter  of  the 
tongues.  Meg  Merry  Lees  politely  informed  Mrs.  Coddle  that  she 
was  a  pretty  woman,  and  Mrs.  Coddle  modestly  declined  the  com- 
pliment by  remarking  that  Mrs.  Merry  Lees  was  a  propagator  of 
falsehood,  together  with  many  other  little  interchanges  of  courtesy 
which  have  not  been  minutely  recorded. 

"Put  them  out!  Put  them  all  out,  Picjor  Stonely  1"  wheezled 
Coincraft  angrly,  "  Give  that  boy  to  the  police !" 


WILL  WAFFLES.  5$ 

V 

"Kot  any  for,  Aleck !"  cried  the  boy  turning  belligerently  toward 
the  doctor. 

The  moment  he  did  so  a  mutual  recognition  took  place,  and  Will 
Waffles  indulged  in  a  long  low  whistle  of  astonishment,  while  the 
doctor  made  a  frightened  motion  of  appeal  for  silence  and  beckoned 
the  youngster  to  one  side. 

"For  Heavens'  sake,  be  quiet!"  he  whispered,  "do  not  expose 
what  you  know  of  me.  You  said  you  would  like  to  see  me  get  a 
good  chance  and  I  ve  got  it." 

"  And  I'm  jolly  glad  of  it,  Doc,  old  boy  !"  said  Waffles  warmly. 
"  Why  d'ye  think  I'd  let  out  on  you  so  long  as  it's  a  square  shake  ? 
No,  siree,  not  by  twenty-five  row  of  apples.  But  don  t  you  lookgal- 
lus,  though — Oh,  no  !  You  must  a'  struck  ile  heavy.  Where'd  you 
make  the  stake?" 

"  No  matter  now — this  is  no  time  to  talk-,"  said  the  doctor  in  a  ner- 
vous manner.  "  Don't  let  the  old  man  notice  us,  I  will  make  it  all  up 
to  you  again." 

He  was  turning  away,  when  the  boy  caught  him  by  the  sleeve  and 
whispered : 

41  Say,  Dock,  there's  no  cloven  hoof  in  this  here,  is  there  ?  Nothi  ng 
with  Brimstone  Punkley  at  the  bottom,  is  there  ?" 

"  No — bo!"  said  the  other,  hurritdly,  noticing  the  fishy  eyes  of  Coin- 
craft  fastened  on  him. 

"  Say,  Doctor,"  said  the  boy,  as  a  quick  idea  struck  him.  "  If  1  play 
into  yoir  hand,  you  should  do  as  much  for  me.  I  want  to  git  a  place 
nere,  and  you  can  smooth  over  this  'ere  bottle-smaskin'  shindy  with  the 
old  buffer,  so's  he'll  take  me." 

'*  I'll  do  my  best,"  said  the  doctor. 

44  Square  and  level  ?" 

44  Yes." 

44  Honest  injun  !  No  go  back  !" 
44  No." 

44  0.  K!  Oil  Korrect,"  said  Will,  as  the  doctor  joined  his  patient 
and  commenced  to  whisper  with  him. 

44 1  reckon  I  smell  an  almightly  big  mice."  soliloquized  the  young- 
ster, as  he  went  toward  the  belligerent  ladies,  44  and  I'm  bound  to  trap 
him  if  I  can.  Old  Cucumber- toes  is  in  danger,  and  I'm  in  with  him. 
For,  as  the  old  fellow  in  4  The  Lady  of  Lyons'  says :  4  It's  astonishin' 
how  a  man  likes  a  man,  when  a  man  has  fought  with  a  man.' " 

Space  forces  me  to  pass  over  the  progress  of  tho  delicate  diplomacy 
with  which  Hadlcy,  alias  Doctor  Stonely,  softened  the  natural  anger  of 


56  WILL  WAFFLES. 

Jonas  Coincraft  against  the  war-like  Waffles,  and  of  the  equally  diffi- 
cult task  of  the  boy  in  pacifying  and  reconciling  the  female  combatants. 
It  is  sufficient  to  state  that,  within  fifteen  minutes,  Master  Waffles  was 
an  accepted  retainer  of  the  house  of  Coincraft,  and  the  valorous  ladies 
were  united  in  the  bonds  of  strong  tea  in  the  kitchen. 


i 


WILL  WAFFLES'  ADVENTURE,  See  Page  26. 


WILL   WAFFLES.  757 


CHAPTER  XI. 

JOHN  CHUNK — A  BRANCH  OF  PARADISE. 

THE  first  action  ot  Doctor  Stonely  after  having  calmed  himself  and 
Been  his  patient,  was  to  despatch  Will  Waffles  to  a  distant  and  obscure 
apothecary  shop  for  some  drugs  he  needed.  The  names  of  the  articles 
were  written  on  a  piece  of  paper  enclosed  in  a  sealed  envelope. 

Hadley  had  seen  the  superstitious  regard  with  which  Coincraft  viewed 
him  ;  and,  on  the  strength  of  this,  had  taken  command  of  the  house. 

By  his  permission,  the  time  allowed  the  boy  for  the  performance  of 
his  errand  was  not  limited.  So,  as  Will  had  not  forgotten  the  mysteri- 
ous letter  from  Bellevue  Hospital,  delivered  to  him  by  John  Chunk,  or 
the  night  adventure  during  which  he  lost  it,  he  determined  to  walk  down 
and  pass  the  scenes  of  his  exploits  on  Fourteenth  Street. 

Carpenters  were  busy  replacing  the  wood  work  which  he  had  knock- 
ed from  the  roof  of  Paradise.  He  stood  watching  them  for  a  minute 
or  two,  shuddering  at  the  tnarrow  escape  he  had  from  being  dashed  to 
pieces.  As  he  turned  to  go,  he  saw  a  door  open  at  a  short  distance,  and 
a  man  came  out.  He  imagined  he  recognized  the  figure,  and  immedi- 
ately the  thought  of  the  curious  yellow  boots  he  wore  flashed  on  his 
mind,  and  how  readily  he  might  be  identified  as  the  person  who  had 
carried  off  the  Arab  dress,  and  spoiled  the  performance  at  the  circus. 
But  while  lie  hesitated  whether  to  go  back  or  onward,  the  man  descend- 
ed the  steps  and  turned  toward  him  and  he  recognized  Oscar  Mifflin. 

"  Hello  !"  he  exclaimed  to  himself,  "If  it  ain't  that  Warden  Mifflin, — 
the  fellar  that  keeps  the  Tombs  in  the  garret — him  as  put  me  in  chucky 
and  treated  me  to  a  high  roof  ramble.  Now,  had  I  better  run  across  his 
bows  and  hail  him,  or  let  him  slide  for  the  present  ?  That's  the  ques- 
tion.   Let  him  rip  !" 

He  drew  into  one  of  the  houses  and  sat  down  upon  the  steps-  Mifflin 
passed  by,  with  bent  head  and  deeply  thoughtful  face,  looking  neither 
to  the  right  hand  01  the  left. 

"  By  jingo  !"  exclaimed  Will,  "  It  was  him  I  saw  a  comin'  out  o'  old 
Coincraft's  crib  !  Now,  1 11  bet  that's  where  the  benefit  comes  off.  This 
Hadley  fellar's  there  play  in'  Engiish  doctor,  and  Punkley  and  Hadley 's 
as  thick  as  tar.  Puukley  sent  me  with  a  letter  to  Mifflin— Mifflin  goes 
to  Coincraft's— Coincraft's  rich,  and  needs  a  doctor,  there  ye  are, 
gentlemen  of  the  jury,  all  as  straight  forward  as  the  house  that  Jack 
built." 


58  WILL  WAFPLE8. 

f  j  .a  1.4*14'*  .Mi,, 

And  the  young  discoverer  started  along  the  pavement  in  a  rapid  gal- 
lopade  sideways,  like  a  crab,  cracking  his  heels  together  in  the  highest 
etij  oyment  at  his  own  acuteness. 

"  Then,  what  I  overheard  on  the  City  Hall  stoop !  Punkley  was  on  a 
lay  where  there  was  money  to  be  transferred  fr.  m  an  old  'un  that  had 
no  use  for  it,  to  a  young  'un  that  didn't  mind  goin'  snooks  and  whack- 
ing up  a  slice  with  a  friend.  Now  Mifflin's  the  fel.ar  that's  willin'  to 
go  snooks,  and  Old  Gout-an'-asthma  is  the  feller  what  has  no  use  for  it 
and  Hadley's  the  fellar  that's  to  make  use  of  his  knowledge  of  herbs 
nnd  minerals,  and  Walt  Punkley's  the  whacker-up  and  slice- :aker. 
Straight  as  a  bamboo  !  Trots  along  like  the  goat  that  went  over  the 
bridge  for  blackberries." 

Left  shoulder  forward — another  gallopade. 

"  They're  gettin'  up  a  nice  little  skin-eel  game,  and  Hadley  is  to  be 
elected,  and  Mifflin'll  git  the  fortin'  and  Punkley'li  make  a  haul.  Ain't 
they  a  pair  o'  sweet  scented  sons  o'  Satan !  Mebbie  there  won't  be  a 
double  room  red  hot  for  them  in  Devil-burg !  Go  it  trouts,  the  line's 
long  and  Will  Waffles  holds  the  real.  Now  for  John  Chunk's.  But 
blow  me  if  I  haven't  left  his  card  along  with  Punkley's  note  in  my 
other  suit  of  clothes  that  I  left  in  Paradise  !  My  other  suit  o'  clothes  ! 
Oh  my  !  Eh.  Cully,  how's  that  for  fresh  ?  Two  suits  o'  clothes — three > 
by  golly,  if  I  count  the  Arab  togs  at  home.  I'll  start  politician  and 
make  a  break  for  Congress !   Blow  me  if  I  don't !" 

With  this  laudable  determination  the  Great  American  soliloquizer 
started  toward  Houston  Street,  to  hunt  for  the  residence  of  John  Chunk, 
lie  merely  knew  the  street  and  had  but  a  fai;it  idea  of  the  number,  yet 
he  skipped  and  whistled  along  as  gaily  as  if  he  had  not  taken  upon  him- 
self the  sole  responsibility  of  checkmating  a  combination  of  villains, 
and  was  on  the  most  careless  of  rambles,  instead  of  being  in  pursuit  of 
information  to  lead  him  to  the  wealth  that  was  to  provide  him  with 
"  two-forty"  horses,  and  Meg  Merry  Lees  with  "  bang-up  black  silks." 

Will  Waffles  was  the  true  city  Arab — the  ever  even-tempered,  light- 
hearted  soldier  of  fortune,  ups  never  spoiled  him,  and  downs  could  not 
daunt  him.  When  he  had  nothing,  he  lived  on  hope,  and  when  he  was 
flush,  he  made  up  for  the  past  by  the  double  enjoyment  of  feasting  him- 
self and  sharing  with  his  fellows. 

It  was  not  likely  that  a  young  gentleman  of  his  experience  and  re- 
sources could  long  be  baffled  by  the  vagueness  of  his  directions,  so  after 
but  few  inquiries,  he  hauled  up  before  a  very  small,  very  much  crowded 
fancy  store  sporting  a  sign  board  as  follows : 

|  "JOHN  CHUNK,  Fancy  Articles  and  Curiosities."  | 


The  little  low  window  was  resplendant  with  large  pearl  shells  reflect- 


WILL  WAFFLES.  ^  5® 

l*t*nl i^grrT^Tidf'-l*  rr^btAiXJ  »1  rma   IcnilAj^  ^  awfrttto! »  *•••>*  7  .AH 

Ing  the  light  in  many  tints.  Smaller  shells,  of  every  size  and  color, 
ituffed  birds  of  brilliant  plumage,  foreign  gleanings  in  the  shape  of  pieces 
©f  gaudy  clothing,  and  weapons  of  curious  form.  The  varnished  mummy 
of  a  pickerel  was  suspended  by  cords,  and  flanked  by  glass  globes  con- 
taining gold-fish,  while  beneath,  a  stuffed  armadillo  was  contemplating 
%  collection  of  daggers  and  yataghans  like  a  war-like  pig  about  to  make 
a  choice  of  weapons.  On  one  side  of  the  doorway  stood  an  immense 
elephant's  tusk,  and  the  other  was  beautified  by  a  shark's  jaws  spread 
wide  open,  the  better  to  display  its  tine  set  of  teeth.  Within,  coral  and 
shells  and  gold-fish — gold-fish,  and  shells  and  coral  were  arranged  in 
great  profusion. 

Will  Waffles  was  dazzled  by  the  beauty  and  variety  of  the  stock  and 
stood  gazing  at  it  in  glorious  forgetfulness  of  his  mission. 

11  If  this  'ere  isn't  a  branch  of  paradise,"  he  said,  "  You  may  fly  me 
for  a  kite !" 

What  further  soliloquy  might  have  been  indulged  in  by  the  young 
gentleman  was  forever  hindered  by  his  seeing  a  girl  of  very  sonsy  pro- 
portions appear  at  the  shop  door,  shading  her  eyes  from  the  sunlight 
With  her  hand  to  enable  her  to  scrutinize  him. 

She  was  of  very  low  stature  and  very  full  devclopement.  A  very 
handsome  face  of  the  heavy  order  of  architecture  was  framed  in  a  mass 
of  hair  of  a  golden  auburn  hue,  which  was  plaited  into  tails  and  hung 
far  down  her  back  like  two  rope's  ends. 

Her  gaze  at  Will  Waffles  was  not  the  ordinary,  cold,  unseeing  glance 
that  we  bestow  on  the  thousandsjthat  pass  us  in  the  hurry-scurry  of 
life. 

It  was  not  the  quiet,  furtive  look  of  watchfulness  with  which  shop- 
keepers eye  suspicious-looking  young  gents  who  linger  long  near  their 
display  goods. 

It  was  a  look  of  deep  interest  and  earnest  enquiry,  and  William 
Waffles,  Esquire,  was  too  good  a  student  of  human  nature  not  to  have 
caught  the  distinction  herein  set  forth. 

He  was  possessed  of  too  susceptible  a  heart  not  to  be  flattered  by  such 
marked  attention  from  so  comely  a  maiden. 

He  gave  his  cap  a  smarter  cock,  threw  his  he  id  to  one  side,  and  pre- 
facing his  speech  with  a  crow,  a  smile,  and  a  wink,  said : — 

"  Why,  sis,  you  seem  to  a'  dropped  on  me.  What's  up  ?  D'ye  think 
I  haven't  paid  my  infernal  revenue  tax,  or  air  you  try  in'  to  estimate  the 
bricks  used  in  my  construction?" 

The  girl  did  not  answer,  but  looked  him  first  straight  in  the  eyes 
and  then  her  gaze  dropped  and  rested  on  the  yellow,  curiously  shaped 
shoes  that  adorned  his  feet. 

He  noticed  this  and  putting  one  little  member  daintily  forth,  said 
theatrically 


60 


WILL   WAFFLES.  ^ 


**  Ah,  I  see  !  Countess  Crystalina !  Lovely  maiden  of  the  gingerbread 
colored  locks,  thou  art  a  lady  of  taste !  thou  art  a  lover  of  the  beautiful ! 
Thou  art  hefty  on  the  slap-up— and  fly  on  the  fashion— and  isn't  that 
there  shoe  Fly,  too  ?  You  bet !  Shoo  Fly !  G'lang  I  how's  that  for  uigh^ 
Jemima  Jane  ?" 

Thereupon,  the  eccentric  Waffles,  evidently  with  the  intent  of  dis. 
playing  to  better  advantage  the  gaudy  shoes  that  seemed  to  fascinate 
the  lovely  maiden,  indulged  in  a  neat  little  rally  of  clog-dance,  singing 
a  snatch  of  a  popular  niedley  altered  to  his  own  taste. 

"  If  yer  foot  is  pretty  show  it,  let  Lanigan  bawl,"  he  cried  with  an 
ending  swagger.  *  So,  Miss,  you  kinda  admire  these  hoof -cases  and  are 
strucked  with  astonishment  at  the  smallness  of  my  mud-organs.  Don't 
mention  it,  I  pray,  Lady  Crystalina.  Impossible  to  resist  it.  The  ad- 
miration pays  lor  the  exhibition.  Children  under  age,  half  price 
Where's  J.  Chunk?" 

But,  instead  of  answering  him  the  girl  turned  and  fled  into  the  shop 
exclaiming  in  a  frightened  manner ; — 

" Father  1  Mother!  Come!  Come  quick!  Here's  the  yellow  boots!" 


CHAPTER  XII. 

THOSE  YELLOW  BOOTS. 

*  The  yellow  boots  \n  exclaimed  an  answering  voice  inside,  in  a  tone 
of  great  surprise. 

m  glow  the  yellow  boot !"  cried  Will  on  the  threshold,  "  I'll  git  them 
blackened  by  jingo !" 

"  The  very  boots !"  cried  a  very  large  woman  advancing  hurri  edly 
from  an  inner  room. 

"Phew!"  whistled  Will, looking  at  the  objects  of  interest,  "I  begin 
to  think  that  I've  kinda  put  my  foot  in  it— or  rather  my  feet,  and  I 
don't  know  whether  to,scoot  or  fight  it  out  on  this  line." 

But  his  doubt  about  staying  or  going  was  put  at  rast  by  the  big  wo. 
man  rushing  on  him  crying:— 

"  John !  John !  Here's  the  boots !  Here's  the  thief !  Quick !  Quick !" 

Bhe  bounced  upon  the  astonished  youth  and  dragged  him  into  the 
eh'op  at  the  same  time  that  Johu  Chunk  appeared  upon  the  scene,  with 


Will  WaJtlks. 


the  stuffed  form  of  some  foreign  fish  in  his  hand. 
"Yellow  boots!"  he  exclaimed. 

"  Yes,  John  Chunk !  Yellow  boots,  the  great,  Arab  Chief!  That's  my 
style,  sounds  like  a  dime  novel,  don't  it,  John  Chunk?" 

Mr.  Chunk  dropped  the  mummy  he  held  upon  the  glass-case,  and 
catching  the  boy  by  the  arm,  whirled  him  around  to  the  light  and  scru- 
tinized his  face. 

"  Why  it's  you  /"  he  cried. 

"I'll  go  you  odds  on  that,  John  Chunk !" 

"  What  are  you  doing  here  ?" 

"  Came  to  see  you." 

"  How  did  you  come  by  those  shoes  ?" 

**  Come,  come,  and  don't  be  axin'  indelicate  questions,  ain't  I  got  a 
right  to  blacken  my  boots  yellow  if  I  want  to  ?  Riddle  me  that,"  said 
Will,  shaking  himself  free  from  Mr.  Chunk's  grasp  and  standing  on  the 
defensive. 

"  You  riddle  me  that  /"  cried  Mr.  Chunk,  pointing  his  stumpy  finger 
to  a  small  hand-bill,  fastened  to  the  edge  of  one  of  the  shelves. 

Will  Waffles  looked  and  saw  the  words,  "  Two  Hundred  Dollars  Re- 
ward," in  large  type  and  underneath  a  setting-forth  of  the  "  daring  rob- 
bery committed  at  number  —  Fourteenth  Street  on  the  evening  of  sucfc 
an  instant,  by  an  audacious  young  man  who  was  evidently  a  foreigner 
from  the  strange  language  in  which  he  spoke,  as  the  people  of  the  house 
when  interrogating  him,  could  understand  nothing,  but  that  his  name 
was  pancakes." 

Here  Will  burst  into  an  uproarious  fit  of  laughter. 

"Well,  smash  my  fiddle  easel"  he  said,  "if  that  ain't  a  good  one!  A 
foreigner  and  a  pancake!  How's  that,  John  Chunk  ?" 

"Then  you  acknowledge  that  this  means  you?"  asked  John  Chunk 
£  eve  rely. 

"If  you  don't  believe  it, 'smell  my  boots,'"  said  Will  in  true  mose 
style,  holding  up  one  of  the  tell-tale  feet  to  the  light. 

"My  boy,"  said  John  Chunk,  deliberately  wiping  his  forhead  with  the 
corner  of  his  wife's  apron,  "  I  am  very  sorry  indeed  for  this,  for  I  had 
kinda  taken  a  liking  to  you,  you  know,  even  you  did  leave  me  to  pay 
for  the  drinks  you  called." 

"Did  I  though?  Well,  now,  that  was  smart,  wan' t  it?  Never  mind, 
I'll  make  it  up,  we'll  take  '  monitors'  at  my  expense,  (wiess  beer  glasses' 
you  know,  chock  full)  at  the  first  good  crite  we  get  to." 

"  This  is  no  time  for  joking,"  said  John  Chunk  seriously,  "  Listen  1" 

"  Like  a  cat  at  a  mouse  hole.   Heave  a  head !" 

"  The  person  that  owns  those  shoes  and  his  friends  have  dealings  with 
me  and  I  have  dealings  with  them,"  said  Mr.  Chunk  in  a  precise  man- 
ner. "  They  sell  me  the  curious  products  of  their  country,  and  I  pay 
them  in  the  curious  currency  of  my  country.", 


62 


WILL 


"  Curious  currency !"  said  Will  significantly,  "  Not  queer  is  it  ?M 

"  No,  sir  1"  snapped  John  indignantly,  "  you  had  better  young  man 
to  look  to  your  own  condition  than  to  be  pretending  not  to  understand 
other  people.  These  foreign  men  have  put  all  the  costume  men  and 
curiosity  shops  on  their  guard  against  buying  the  clothes  you  stole.  Am 
I  understood  now  ?  There,  young  man,  is  the  reward,  and  the  young  man 
stands  here — my  prisoner !" 

With  these  words  John  Chunk  laid  his  great  heavy  hand  on_the  boy's 
shoulder  and  gathered  the  jacket  in  his  iron  grasp. 

44  Easy,  guv'ner,  eas}r !  Don't  be  goin'  gettin'  your  bowels  in  an  up- 
roar 1"  said  Will  quite  coolly,  "  We'll  fix  things  all  square  in  about  a 
brace  of  jiffies.    Don't  get  mad,  John  Chunk." 

44  Call  an  officer !" 

John  Chunk  waved  his  hand  to  the  girl  and  she  steped  toward  the 
door. 

44  Stay !  Jemima  Jane !"  exclaimed  Will  Waffles,  and  the  fair  fat  crea- 
ture paused 

44  Now,  John  Chunk,  afore  ye  go  a  gettin'  up  a  shind)',  jest  tell  us  how 
it  is." 

With  much  repetition  and  emphasis  and  many  broken  reflections  on 
life,  Mr.  Chunk  went  over  the  charge  of  house  breaking  and  robbery, 
the  reward  and  his  duty  to  society  and  so  forth. 

Will  Waffles,  in  defense,  went  over  all  his  adventures  from  the  time 
he  left  John  Chunk  in  the  saloon  until  his  grand  performance  in  tb« 
circus.  Mrs.  Chunk  and  the  ladies  listened  attentively  to  his  story,  told 
as  it  was  in  his  peculiarly  figurative  and  glowing  style. 

The  young  girl  seemed  especially  interested,  and  strained  to  eaten 
each  word  as  Desdemona  might  while  listening  to  the  glowing  tales  of 
Othello. 

41  Look  here,  youngster,"  said  John  Chunk,  in  his  short,  bluff  manner 

44  Go  it,  oldster,  I'm  all  ears,  like  a  corn-field." 

44 1  took  a  liking  to  you  at  first  and  I'm  inclined  to  believe  you.'* 

44  Waffles  is  good  stock,  don't  be  afraid  of  investin'  heavy,"  said  Will 

44  This  is  rather  a  strange  arrangement." 

44  Wonderful  as  photographing." 

44  But  strange  things  will  happen.  These  clothes  must  be  returned, 
]  for  these  foreign  chaps  are  as  quick  and  revengeful  as  panther*.  I  had 
plenty  of  chance  to  find  that  out  when  I  was  a  sailin'  in  the  east  You 
must  give  back  the  things." 

44  Nuff  said  !  Git  my  duds,  and  they  can  have  theirs.  There  was  my 
whoie  suit  with  to'ther  letter  1  told  you  of— that  from  Walt  Punkley 
you  know— let  thorn  deliver  unto  sneezer  and  so  forth,  and  I'll  fork  over 
lihr  togs." 

V  .       '    '   1   ' 


WILL  WAFF  L  E  3 1 


63 


Mr.  Chunk  promised  to  forgo  arrest  and  reward  and  arrange  this 
matter  and  Will  entered  upon  the  business  that  caused  his  visit. 

"  There's  that  letter  that  you  gave  me,  you  know.  The  one  with  the 
blood  on  the  cover,  that  was  to  take  me  to  the  old  seed  that  was  to  give 
me  money  enough  to  make  everybody  rich." 

Yes,  yes,"  said  Chunk,  "  It  is  a  pity,  you  should  have  held  on  tc 
that." 

"  Well,  well,  there's  no  use  o'  makin'  mouths  at  a  lost  kite.   Thing' is, 
do  you  know  this  here  address?  That's  what's  the  matter  with  Han 
nah  1" 

"  No,  somewhere  on  Fifth  Avenue,  that  is  all  I  know,"  said  John 
Chunk. 

"  Then  my  chances  of  spondulix  and  Meg's  chances  of  black  silk 
look  almightily  slim,  all  gone  up  the  spout  as  they  say  at  Simpson's." 

After  awhile's  conversation  in  which  Mrs.  Chunk  and  her  daughter 
joined,  it  was  determined  that  the  best  plan  would  bo  for  Mr.  Cl.un't 
and  Mr.  Waffles  to  visit  the  hospital  and  endeavor  to  see  the  man  who 
had  sent  the  note  and  get  from  his  own  lips  the  secret  so  unnecessarily 
enveloped  in  mystery. 

But  first  Mr.  Waffles  had  to  take  off  the  conspicuous  yellow  shoes 
that  so  much  endangered  his  personal  freedom  and  a  pair  of  gaiters  be- 
longing to  the  Countess  Crystalina  replaced  them. 

"How's  that  for  patent?"  cried  the  youngster  with  a  break-down 
step,  u  I  guess,  Jemima  Jane,  our  cockroach  killers  were  built  about  on 
the  same  last,  Eh  !  Countess  Crystal  ?" 

"  I'm  not  Countess  Crystal,"  pouted  the  girl,  "  and  my  name  is  not 
iJemima  Jane." 

"Ah  jest  so !  No  matter,  same  thing.  A  rose  by  any  other  name,  and 
all  that  sort  of  thing,  my  chunk  of  loveliness." 

On  reaching  the  hospital  they  found  that  the  wounded  man  had  been 
removed  by  friends,  but  no  trace  of  his  whereabouts  could  be  discover- 
ed, so  they  were  forced  to  give  up  the  affair  in  dispair. 

As  they  left  the  institution,  they  met  Walt  Punkley,  just  entering  the 
gate.  Owing,  probably,  to  the  change  of  garments,  he  did  not  recognize 
the  boy,  but  passed  by,  knocking  him  from  the  walk  by  striking  against 
him. 

"  What  in  thunder  can  U  be  up  to  here  ?"  said  Will  Waffles  to  John 
Chunk,  "  that's  the  feller,  Punkley,  that  was  to  have  given  me  twenty 
shillin'  for  goin'  with  that  letter  I  lost  on  my  Arabian  jamboree,  I'll 
have  more'n  twenty  shillins'  worth  out  o'  him  afore  I  get  through  with 
him,  or  I'm  a  lizard,  you  see  if  I  don't,  that's  all !" 

"  What  about  the  other  thing  ?" 

"  I'm  a-fear'd  that  it's  a  mighty  slinky  show,  boss,  to  catch  that  trail, 
as  they  say  in  the  injun  stories,  but  I'm  agoin'  to  give  it  a  square  shake, 


64 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


and  see  how  it  turns  out  I'll  git  some  of  the  boys— the  Will  "Waffles 
Sociables — to  assist  me  in  spotting  this  feller  and  his  pal.  We'll  keep 
them  iD  sight  until  we  git  all  down  fine,  and  then  go  for  them  like 
black-and-tans." 

"  The  Will  Waffles'  Sociables  ?"  said  Mr.  Chunk  enquiringly, «  That's 
your  own  name !" 

"  You  bet,  the  best  I  got.  The  Sociables  is  called  for  me.  A  gay  lot 
now  mind  I  tell  ye,  up  to  any  kind  o'  game,  my  boys,  from  penny  anty 
to  electioneering.  You  ought  to  come  to  one  of  our  meetings  once, 
there's  where  you'd  hear  some  speechin'  that  would  make  Ben  Butler 
wink  with  both  peepers  and  drive  Wendell  Phillips  mad.  Congress 
ain't  a  patch  on  it!" 

"  Indeed  IM 

"  Pozzy  fact !  no  jibe  about  it,  mister,  you'd  better  come  to  our  meet- 
ing once." 

i  f  I  would  like  it  well,  would  they  let  me  in  ?"  asked  John  Chunk. 

4<  Oh,  yes,  on  my  invite,"  said  Will,  consequentially, "  I  can  interdoooe 
you  as  an  honorary  member." 

"  An  honorary  member  ?" 

"  Yes,  that  is,  you  know,  you'll  have  the  honor  of  treatin'  the  crowd 
to  lager  and  cigars,  and  providin'  a  silver-plated  ice-pitcher  or  cruet  for 
our  next  target  excursion." 

Mr.  Chunk  promised  to  fulfill  the  requirements  of  honorary  member- 
ship to  the  "  Will  Waffles'  Sociables  "  whenever  called  upon  so  to  do, 
and  having,  as  he  had  before  stated,  taken  quite  a  liking  to  the  boy,  he 
accompanied  him  dowm  town  to  endeavor  to  recover  trace  of  the  man 
who  had  sent  him  the  mysterious  letter. 


CHAPTER  XILL 

THE  SICK  CHAMBER — THE  SHADOWS  OF  REMORSE. 

The  imagination-  .ortured  Jonas  Coincraft  dozed  in  his  chair,  starting 
fitfully  and  muttering  at  intervals. 

His  niece,  Rebecca,  sat  with  a  book  on  her  lap,  gazing  dreamily  into 
the  low  fire  whose  light  cast  a  warm  glow  on  her  lovely  features. 

The  evening  shadows  had  closed  in,  and  she  was  unable  to  read  any 
more;  so  memories  of  the  past  and  dreams  of  the  future  conjured  up 
fantastic  images  in  the  fire.  We  have  all,  at  some  time,  indulged  in  the 
same  pensive  amusement. 


WILL   "WAFFLES.  65 

Rebecca  Coincraf  t  was  the  daughter  of  a  brother  of  the  invalid  beside 
whom  she  watched.  She  was  an  orphan.  Her  mother  had  long  ago 
oeen  carried  to  her  long  sleep  in  Greenwood,  and  recently  her  father 
had  been  placed  beside  the  sharer  of  his  trials  and  troubles,  for  with  tho 
strange  freaks  that  nature  and  fortune  so  lrcquently  play,  David  Coin- 
craft  was  as  poor  as  his  brother  was  rich,  and  as  generous  as  he  was 
grasp  ng. 

The  difference  of  character  and  wealth  separated  the  brothers,  for 
Jonas,  gauging  every  one  and  everything,  by  the  grand  standard  of  the 
almighty  do  lar,  looked  upon  the  generosity  of  David  as  foolish  extrav- 
agance, and  his  misfortunes  as  self-earned,  and  consequently  turned  a 
cold  shoulder  toward  him  and  withheld  the  assistance  that  he  was  so 
well  able  to  bestow. 

David  Coincraft  was  too  proud  to  ask  assistance  from  so  grudging  a 
relative,  so  he  struggled  along  in  his  humble  way  until,  after  busiuess 
undertakings  had  repeatedly  failed,  and  the  buoyancy  of  his  spirit  had 
departed,  he  was  stricken  with  the  sickness  that  left  his  child  a  penni- 
less orphan. 

Then,  on  his  death-bed,  with  the  black  future  of  his  child  torturing 
him  with  dreams  of  penury  and  hardship,  he  sent  to  his  wealthy  bro- 
ther, praying  pathetically  that  he  wouli  take  the  girl  to  his  house  and 
protect  her  from  the  buffets  of  fortune. 

So  it  was  that  Rebecca  had  become  the  attendant  of  the  fretful  owner 
of  the  Coincraft  mansion,  and  in  truth  it  was  not  a  very  pleasnnt  task, 
for,  in  aggravation  of  the  chronic  peevishness  of  the  man,  every  oppor- 
tunity was  seized  by  him  to  make  her  feel  the  bitterness  of  dependency 
by  references  to  the  misfortunes  and  poverty  of  her  buried  father. 

Her  reverie  was  broken  by  a  soft  tapping  at  the  door,  but  before  she 
could  nse,  it  was  opened,  and  Iladley,  alias  Dr.  Stonely,  entered  with  a 
noiseless  step. 

The  girl's  faco  flushed  slightly  as  she  saw  him,  for  the  handsome 
features  of  the  man  of  medicine  had  made  an  impression  ©n  her  young 
heart. 

M I  should  have  lighted  the  gas,  Doctor,"  she  said, "  but  I  feared  to  dis- 
turb uncle,  he  is  in  such  bad  temper  this  evening." 

"  There  is  no  need  of  more  light  at  present,"  he  said,  standing  beside 
her  in  the  glare  of  the  fire,  "  It  must  be  very  trying  on  one  so  young  to 
attend  so  testy  a  patient.'* 

"  Oh,  no,"  she  said,  smiling  wearily, 41 1  am  not  so  much  a  martyr  as 
you  think,  Mrs.  Coddle  bears  the  burden  for  me,  and  now,  he  says,  he 
is  going  to  have  the  boy  to  occupy  this  room  with  him." 

"The  boy:" 

*'  Yes,  sir.  He  is  afraid  to  stay  alone.  He  has  strange  fancies  that 
he  has  ghastly  visitors  that  come  to  threaten  and  torture  him.  Some- 
times he  startles  us  in  the  night  with  screams  of  terror,  and  gasps  of  an- 


66 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


paritions,  and  robbers  and  murderers,  who  seize  his  wealth  and  threaten 
his  life." 

The  face  of  the  man  became  even  paler  than  its  wont,  and  he  turned 
his  back  to  the  fire,  to  hide  this  effect  from  the  girl. 

"  These  are  strange  fancies,  a  portion  of  his  morbid  disease,"  he  said 
"  Is  there  anything  in  the  past,  madam,— can  you  think  of  any  event  that 
would  be  likely  to  leave  bitter  memories — to  create  remorse?" 

The  patient  gave  a  restive  movement  and  the  girl  paused  with  opened 
lips  until  his  heavy  breathing  told  that  he  slept. 

"  Yes,  doctor,"  she  said,  in  a  whisper,  so  low  that  he  was  forced  to 
lower  his  head  near  her's  to  hear  it.  "  I  have  heard  my  father  speak  of 
it.  His  daughtt  r— my  cousin— I  don't  remember  her,  but  they  say  that 
she  was  very  beautiful. — she  was  very  young  at  the  time  I  speak  of,  and 
f  eU  in  love  with  one  of  his  clerks — he  was  in  business  then — an  English- 
man as  young  and  handsome  as  herself." 

"Yes— yes!"  said  Hadley,  in  a  strangely  agitated  manner,  I  have 
heard—" 

"You !"  said  Rebecca,  in  astonishment,  "  I  thought  you  had  just  ar- 
rived from  England." 

"  Yes,  madam,  yes,  I  would  have  said  that  I  have  heard  of  something 
similar  that  makes  your  story  interest  me  much.  Pray  proceed.  But 
tell  me  first,  did  not  this  lady— your  cousin — that  is — I  mean  do  you  not 
hear  a  great  resemblance  to  her  ?" 

The  girl,  surprised  by  his  confused,  stammering  manner,  drew  back 
to  scrutinize  his  face,  and  was  startlad  by  its  yearning,  careworn  ex- 
pression. 

"They  say  I  am  very  like  her,"  she  said,  "  but  I  am  astonished  that 
you  should  know  of  it." 

"  There  is  a  portrait  in  the  room  allotted  to  me — "  he  commenced. 

"  Yes,  it  is  her's !"  interrupted  Rebecca,  "  that  was  her  room.  It  has 
never  been  occupied  since  she  left  it  until  now,  by  yourself." 

"  She  left  it?"  he  said  questioningly. 

"They  were  both  very — very — young,"  she  resumed,  "  they  did  not 
think  of  difference  in  station — they  did  not  dream  that  wealth  was  of 
more  estimation  in  the  eyes  of  the  world  than  hearts  and  happiness. 
They  made  know  their  passion  to  her  father  and  he  spurned  the  appeal- 
ing lover  from  him.  He  cast  him  out  from  his  employ  and  forbade  him 
ever  to  see  or  speak  to  his  daughter  more." 

Rebecca  fancied  that  the  doctor's  breath  came  shorter  and  quicker  and 
that  she  heard  his  teeth  grate  behind  his  light  moustache. 

"  Yes,  yes  I"  he  said  impatiently,  and  involuntarily,  she  went  on  at 
the  word. 

"Love  was  stronger  than  prudence  or  prejudice,"  she  said,  "and  the 
young  couple  were  privately  married.    But  their  secret  was  soon  re- 


WILL  WAFFLES. 

sealed  to  uncle,  and  in  his  fury  at  the  discovery,  he  drove  his  daughter 
from  his  house.  They  had  hard  struggling,  the  young  man's  employment 
was  precarious:  uncle  was  relentless  in  his  persecution  and  his  wealth 
and  influence  10  enabled  him  to  have  the  young  husband  discharged 
from  every  situation  he  obtained." 

The  gin  paused  as  she  heard  a  muttered  imprecation  and  saw  the  sud- 
den clenching  of  the  doctor's  hand,  and  the  vindictive  glance  that  he 
cast  at  his  patient. 

He  knew  that  he  was  observed— and,  with  a  strong  effort,  recovered 
the  appearauce  of  composure. 

"  I  listen,  madam  ;  pray  proceed,"  he  said,  drawning  a  chair  and  seat- 
ing himself  by  her  side. 

14  At  last,  through  actual  need,"  continued  Rebecca,  "  my  cousin's  hus- 
band was  forced  10  accept  thj^osition  of  surgeon's  assistant  on  an  East 
India  bound  vessel,  and  leavirfg  his  wife  the  money  advanced  to  him,  he 
parted  with  her,  never  to  see  her  again.  A  short  time  afterward  newi 
came  that  the  vessel  had  been  wrecked  on  the  coral  reefs  and  all  on  board 
her  perished.  Even  in  the  height  of  her  distraction  at  this  heart-rending 
news,  her  child  disappeared,  stolen  from  its  cradle  in  her  wretched  room 
She  blamed  this  on  her  father,  and  rushed  frantically  to  him  to  beg  for 
the  return  of  her  in-antboy.  He  disclaimed  all  knowledge  of  it  and 
offered,  now  that  her  dispised  husband  was  gone,  to  take  her  back  to 
his  house.  But  she  refused  to  listen  to  him,  and  left  his  presence,  cry- 
ing frantically  for  her  child.  Next  day,  her  body, was  found  floating  in 
the  East  River,  and  it  was  only  when  her  father  recognized  her  in  the 
morgue  that  the  full  extent  of  his  cruelty  struck  home  to  his  hard  heart, 
and  he  endeavored  vainly  to  atone  for  the  past  by  instituting  a  dilligent 
search  for  the  missing  child." 

As  the  young  girl  finished  this  recital  her  gaze  fell  upon  the  features 
of  her  iistener.    The  big  tears  stood  glistening  in  his  eyes,  but  the  brows 
were  lowered  and  contracted  and  the  teeth  clenched  tightly,  while  the  | 
breath  came  and  went,  short,  hot  and  gaspy. 
"  You  are  agitated,"  she  said. 

He  started  from  his  abstraction  and  clenched  his  hand  as  he  hissed 
through  his  teeth  :— 

"Yes,  Why  not?  Who  could  help  it?  Why  should  such  men  live? 
Curse  their  flinty  hearts?  why  should  they  live?" 

The  girl  started  from  her  s*at  in  surprise  and  he  caught  her  by  the 
hand. 

M  Stay,  madam— Miss  Coincraf  t,"  he  said  in  a  low,  rapid  tone,  "  I  beg 
of  you  to  excuse  my— my  thoughtlessness,  I  am  peculiarly  sensi* 
tive  to  tales  of  human  suffering,  especially  where  the  demon— *  Avarice — 
is  set  up  as  the  golden  calf  to  be  worshipped  by  man.  Your  story  has 
had  a  strange  effect  on  mo,  I  seem  to  have  known  the  poor,  unfortunate 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


lady,  and  can  imagine  I  see  her  when  I  look  at  you.  No  wonder  thig 
man  has  horrid  fancies,  no  wonder  that  remorse  gnaws  at  his  heart — 
that  the  cold,  wet  face  of  the  suicide  should  haunt  his  dreams,  and  the 
wail  of  the  orphan,  should  break  his  rest.  It  is  retribution — it  is  the  ven- 
geance of  Heaven !" 

Before  the  frightened  girl,  could  speak  in  answer  to  the  impassioned 
speech,  they  were  startled  by  the  sick  man  suddenly  springing  erect  in 
his  seat  with  a  wild,  inarticulate  cry,  and  his  eyes  fastened  on  the  va- 
cancy before  him. 

•'Vengeance!"  he  cried,  "Who  speaks  of  vengeance?  Take  her  away  I 
What  brings  her  there  ?  The  grave  is  her  place.  Throw  the  pall  over 
the  face  !  Close  the  coffin-lid — /cannot  look  at  it." 

"Uncle  !  uncle  1  What  is  the  matter?"  cried  the  girl  running  to  him 

44  Rebecca !"  he  said,  in  a  wild  manner, 44  Rebeeca,  I  have  seen  it  I" 

"Who!  What?" 

44  Her — I  have  seen  her.  By  Heaven,  I  have  seen  her  !"  he  said  in  a 
hoarse  whisper  that  rattled  horrible  in  his  throat. 

44  Be  calm,  uncle,  be  calm,"  said  the  girl,  "  you  have  only  dreamed 
this." 

44  Dreamed,  you  idiot,  dreamed,"  he  cried,  44  a  likely  thing,  am  I  ever 
dreaming  of  this  horrid  sight,  away,  away  1"  he  cried,  pushing  her  sav- 
agely back  from  him,  *f  You  are  too  like  her,  you  bring  the  past  before 
me,  Away,  Away." 

As  these  words  rattled  from  his  skinny  throat  he  bent  toward  her  with 
clenched  hands  and  she  drew  back  from  him  in  fear. 

On  account  of  the  room  being  only  illuminated  by  the  dull  glare  of 
the  fire,  Hadley  had  remained  unnoticed,  but  now  as  he  advanced  into 
the  light,  the  old  man  gave  a  startling  cry  and  falling  back  into  his  pil- 
lows, lay  staring  at  his  pale  face. 

44  Miss  Coincraft,"  said  the  doctor, 44 1  beg  you  to  retire.  This  is  one 
of  his  fantasies,  I  will  give  him  a  sleeping  draught  and  put  him  to  bed. 
Send  the  nurse  with  lights." 

Rebecca  obeyed,  but  turned  at  the  door  to  look  back.  The  doctor 
stood  ereet,  regarding  his  patient  with  an  intent  gaze,  in  which  she 
thought  she  could  trace  the  malignity  which  had  marred  his  handsome 
features  a  few  minutes  before,  Jonas  Coincraft  sat  in  the  same  rigid 
position,  regarding  Hadley  with  a  fascinated  gaze,  like  a  person  und^r 
the  i  A  fl  uent*  c\v  mw\xv«t\»\\\ 


MILL  WAFFLES, 


69 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

TEARS  AND  IMAGINATIONS. 


Closing  the  d<xT  of  the  room,  Rebecca  Coincraf t  passed  along  the 
ball  which  was  dieady  lighted.  As  Ghe  aid  jo  she  axw  a  servant  open 
the  street  door  and  admit  Oscar  Mifhin. 

iie  inquhed  for  his  uncle's  health,  and  said  he  wished  to  speak  to  the 
doctor  in  regard  to  it.  In  a  shrinking  manner  ihe  girl  answered  that 
the  patient  seemed  to  be  somewhat  worse;  that  the  doctor  was  at  pres- 
ent witi^  nim,  but  would  probably  be  at  leisure  to  grain  Mr.  Mifflin  an 
intf-rview  in  a  few  minutes. 

Begging  him  to  step  into  the  parlor,  she  hurried  down  siairs  to  where 
Meg  Merry  Lees,  who  was  now  a  constant  visitor  at  the  house,  and  Mrs. 
Kate  Coddle,  were  evincing  their  appreciation  of  the  larder  and  cele* 
brating  the  declaration  of  peace  between  them  by  the  most  brilliant  gas- 
tronomic feats. 

Miss  Coincraft  purposely  avoided  Oscar  Mifflin,  for  that  young  gen- 
tleman, eager  about  the  bequest  of  the  old  man's  wealth,  and  knowing 
that  he  and  Rebecca  were  the  only  heirs,  near  of  kin,  then  living,  and 
that  he  was  no  great  favorite  w  th  his  uncle,  had  determined  on  tne 
brilliant  plan  of  courting  and  winning  his  fair  cousin,  so  that  whether 
the  wealth  was  left  between  them  or  all  to  her,  it  would  flow  into  his 
hands.  But  Rebecca  well  knew  the  heartless,  mercenary  nature  of  tht 
man  and  looked  upon  his  addresses  with  deserved  contempt. 

Kate  Coddle  was  in  the  act  of  lighting  a  hand  lamp  when  the  loud 
peal  of  the  bell  which  the  patient  used  to  call  attendance  startled 
them. 

''Lawks  a  goodness!  What's  the  rumpus  now!"  cried  the  nurse  hur- 
rying up,  followed  by  Rebecca. 

They  passed  Mifflin  and  the  doctor  talking  in  the  hall,  and  entered 
the  room. 

"  Shut,  shut  the  door !"  cried  the  old  man  with  a  tremulous  croak 
"  Why,  why  did  you  all  leave  me  ?  Why  do  you  all  desert  me  ?" 

He  had  got  into  the  big  omnibus  of  a  bed,  and  was  sitting,  propped 
up  by  pillows,  trembling  from  head  to  foot,  hi=  shrivelled  jaws  chattering 
as  if  he  had  an  ague. 

"  Stay  near  me,"  he  said  to  Rebecca.  "  Do  not  let  them  come  near 
me,  keep  them  away !" 

Weak  and  nervous  as  she  was  herself,  the  fears  of  the  girl  was  merged 


70 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


in  the  more  abject  fright  of  the  object  of  her  care,  and  she  petted,  coaxed 
and  tried  to  reassure  him  as  a  mother  might  calm  the  inquietude  of  a 
fretful  child. 

"  It  is  nothing  she  whispered  in  his  ear  it  is  only  fancy  and  will  pass 
away." 

He  swayed  his  head  to  and  fro  in  palsied  negative,  and  repeated  after 
a  pause ; — 

M  Never,  never !  the  sights  will  come  before  me,  the  sounds  will  ring 
in  my  ears.  The  sight  of — of — her,  you  know,  I  fear  to  name  her  1  est 
she  rise  up  before  me.  The  sight  of  her  as  I  saw  her  on  that  horrid 
marble  slab — the  prayer  for  mercy,  the  wail  of  an  infant  and  the  splash- 
ing of  water.    Oh-h-h !  I  hear  it  now,  I  hear  it  now." 

M  Be  calm,  it  is  nothing  but  your  fancy.  The  doctor  will  explain  it  to 
you." 

"  Hush !"  suddenly  whispered  the  old  man,  "  Beware  of  him  1  keep 

him  lrom  me,  he  frightens  me  1" 
"  Who?" 

"  This  Stoneley,  tifate  doctor,  He  te  not  safe,  not  safe,  I  fear  him  t 

There's  danger  in  his  eye — he  is  my  enemy  1" 
"  But  why?  why  snould  he  he  ?" 

"  I  d«  not  know !  I  fear  him !  Ho  threatens  me.  Speak  low !"  he 
wh  spered  fearfully,  "he  may  be  listening !" 

The  young  girl  shrunk  back  from  his  hissing  breath  but  he  clutched 
her  with  his  bird-like  claw  and  drew  her  close  to  him,  until  the  rattling 
whisper  fell  with  an  unpleasant,  tickling  thrill  upon  her  ear. 

"  Keep  him  away,"  he  said,  "  Do  not  let  him  near  me." 

"No,  no,  I  will  not  let  him  near  you,"  she  said,  assuringly,  "But 
why  do  you  fear  him,  after  bringing  him  so  far  ?" 

"  That's  it — that  s  it  I"  he  whispered,  hoarsely.  "  There  was  some- 
thing wild  and  strange  about  the  manner  of  his  coming.  Which,  think 
you,  it  could  be,  a  machination  of  the  Evil  One,  or  a  judgment  of 
Heaven?" 

"  God  be  good  to  us !  How  he  raves!"  said  Kate  Coddle,  devoutly. 

"  Why  else  should  I  dream  of  bis  very  face,  of  his  very  name,  you 
old  idiot?"  cried  the  man  savagely,  "  I  do  not  know  why  else  I  fear 
him,  I  sometimes  think  it  is  Richard  York— her  husband,— that  perished 
on  the  coral  reefs — perished  through  my  cruelty  as  she  did — as  she 
did." 

"  Be  calm — be  calm  1"  said  the  girl. 

"Keep  him  from  me  1"  he  cried  clinging  to  her,  "I  do  not  like  his 
eyes — they  burn  me  through — there's  vengeance  in  them  !" 

"  You  are  excited,  uncle,  nervous,"  said  Rebecca,  soothingly,  **  You 
need  rest,  take  gome  more  of  your  medicine,  you  spilled  the  last* 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


71 


He  took  the  medicine  mechanically  and  lay  back  on  the  pillowa  gazing 
at  her  steadfastly. 

"There,  bless  your  heart,  try  and  get  a  -wink  of  sleep,"  said  Mrs.  Cod- 
die  smoothing  the  pillows,  and  sett  ng  the  stand  close  to  the  bedside 
with  a  bowl  of  cordial  on  it. 

"  Do  not  leave  me,"  he  said. 

"No,  dear  heart,  no,  we  will  stop  with  3rou,"  said  the  nurse. 

"  Wait !"  he  whispered  as  a  sudden  thought  seemed  to  strike  him* 
"  Where  is  the  boy — the  young  boy  I  hired?" 

"The  darlin's  down  stairs  takin'  a  cup  o'  tea  to  brighten  him  up. 
Sure  the  poor  child  has  been  run  off  of  his  feet  since  he  came  here,"  said 
Mrs.  Coddle,  volubly. 

"  Let  him  stop  with  me,  and  vou  can  both  go.  Let  him  stop  with  mo 
he  can  protect  me  best.  I  noticed  them  when  they  thought  I  didn't* 
This  doctor  is  afraid  of  the  boy,  call  him,  call  him  immediately." 

"No  need  o'  callin',  Duke's  motto,  I  am  here,  all  on  hand,  like  Johnny 
Thompson." 

All  three  turned  in  surprise  to  see  the  heavy  curtains  at  the  foot  of  the 
bed  move,  dislodging  a  heavy  cloud  of  dust;  and  Will  Waffles  stepped 
out  and  stood  before  them. 

"  Why,  whatever  was  you  doin'  there?"  asked  the  nurse  in  astonish- 
ment. 

"Doin'  ?  Doin'  detective,  a  freak  of  genius,  pursuit  of  knowledge  nn- 
der  hed-curtai  s,  desire  of  an  enquiring  mind  to  get  into  the  hang  of 
medicine  mixin'.  There's  a  couple  of  gentlemen  p.ayin'  a  game  of  hot 
butter  and  bine  beans,  and  I'm  bound  to  have  a  hand  in,  and  see  how 
the  old  thing  works." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  sirrah?"  snapped  the  eld  man,  impatiently 
"  Speak  plainly." 

"Oh  shut  yer  hopper,  and  dry  up  !"  said  the  newly  engaged  servitor, 
44  Ain't  I  speakin'  as  plain  as  a  tog  horu?  What  are  you**  trying  to  git 
through  you  ?" 

"  You  torment  him,"  said  Rebecca,  as  the  old  man  gave  a  groan  and 
an  uneasy  movement,  "  Say  what  you  nii'aii  in  as  fe»v  words  as  pos- 
sible." 

"All  correct,  miss,  nuff  said,  Ooods  put  up  in  parcels  to  suit  purchas- 
ers, all  I  want  to  say  is  that  I  have  good  reason  to  think  that  there's 
more  than  one  feller  ready,  able  and  willing  to  help  thisol  I  bafier's  tab- 
ernacle of  clay  to  dissolve  to  its  original  mud.  I've  got  my  peeper  on 
the  dealing  man,  I  intend  to  order  him  up  and  go  ,t  alone — a  id  if  I 
don't  make  a  march  you  may  eall  me  a  havthen  chinee.  That's  my 
old-tomato  {ultimatum)  Trust  yer  self  to  Will  Waffles  and  you'll  find 
him  the.  cheese." 

The  old  man  gave  two  of  thewomen  a  summary  dismissal  after  they  had 
arranged  tor  Will  to  call  them  if  anything  unusua.  shouid  occur.  Re- 
becca retired  to  her  chamber,  aud  Kate  Coddle  rejoined  her  friend  Meg 
Merr}'  Lees  in  the  kitchen,  for  the  little  tliunder  storm  between  these 
worthy  ladies  had  on  y  purified  the  social  atmosphere  and  rooied  their 
friendship  more  deepfy  than  ever. 


?2 


WILL   TV  A  F  F  L  IS. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

L  ON  THE  WATCH — CHLOROFORM. 

"Now,  guv'ner,"  said  the  boy,  as  soon  as  he  was  left  alone  with  the 
heavily  breathing  patient,  "  we'd  best  git  to  work  and  lay  our  plans 
before  your  Atlantic  Cable  medical  chap  comes  back  to  settle  you  up  for 
the  night ;  for  he  will  come,  as  sure  as  limburger's  sweet  scented." 

The  paiient  was  gazing  at  his  self-constituted  protector  with  goggle 
eyes.  j 

"  What  is  all  this  mystery  my  boy  ?"  he  asked. 

"  Don't  ax  me  no  questions  and  I'll  not  tell  you  no  lies.  Case  not 
fully  ripe  yet,  as  Supe  Kelse  would  say.  Needs  more  working  up,  pro- 
fessional confidence  must  not  be  violated.   How's  that  for  cop-ish  ?" 

"  You're  a  curious  boy." 

"Curious  as  a  quarter  with  two  heads, — always  sure  to  come  right 
side  up  with  care,"  said  Will,  inspecting  the  furniture  of  the  room. 

"I  insist  on  knowing  the  cause  of  this  behavior  definitely,"  wheezled 
Ooincraft,  following  the  movements  of  the  boy  with  his  great  mother- 
o'-pearl  eyes. 

"  Pile  on  insistin',  guv'ner,  and  see  what  you'll  make  of  it." 

"  Is  it  buifglary  you  expect  ?" 

"  Not  much,"  answered  Will,  carelessly. 

"What  is  it  then?" 

"  Well,  that's  jest  what  I  havn't  exactly  dropped  on  yet ;  and  If  you'll 
jest  shut  yer  medicine-trap,  and  lem-me  alone,  I'll  tumble  to  it  all  the 
6ooner.  After  consideration,  though,  I'll  say  this  to  satisfy  you,  and  set 
your  mind  at  ease — " 

"  Yes— yes— I  listen  !" 

"I  kinda  think  there'Jl  be  a  little  bit  of  housebreakin'  thrown  into 
the  bargain  this  swop,  jest  to  carry  the  game  and  make  things  lively." 

"  My  God  !  Speak  plainly !"  exclaimed  the  patient,  raising  himself 
on  his  elbow,  "your  words  are  confused  and  contradictory." 

44  Mixed  as  sausage-meat.  That's  where  the  beauty  lies.  What !  d'ye 
expect  a  feller  to  play  detective  and  talk  like  other  folks  ?  Oh.no! 
We're  paid  for  mixin'  things— that's  where  our  stamps  sprout  from,  old 
man." 

"But— but,  boy,  if  there  has  been  a  burglary  planned  against  my 
house,  why  did  you  not  give  the  alarm  ?  Why  did  you  not  inform  the 
police  and  get  protection  ?"  ,  - 


WILL  TTAFfLXS. 

"Awh-h-h!  what  d'ye  take  me  for?  Do  you  think  I  ttant  to  git 

copped  for  a  witness,  and  jugged  for  a  half  year  on  a  darned  sight 
worse  grub  than  the  fellers  I  detected  ?  Not  if  I  know  myself." 
"  But— but— but— " 

"  Now,  look  here,  old  man,  there  ain't  no  mortal  use  o'  yer  tryin'  to 
hit  agin'  me.  so  jest  oblige  the  company  by  shuttin'  yer  pill-box,  goin' 
asleep,  and  leavin'  all  to  your  humble  servant  There's  goin'  to  be  my 
shake-down, — that  lounge.  You  must  lend  me  a  quilt,  I  can  take  a  pil- 
low from  yer  chair.  Chair  would  be  the  most  comfortable  only  I  want 
to  watch  the  enemy's  movements  from  entrenchment*.  Don't  disturb 
yerself.   This  '11  do." 

With  the  woids,  the  consequential  youngster  seized  one  of  the  coun- 
terpanes and  pulled  it  off  the  sick  man'i  bed,  and,  before  the  owner 
had  time  to  express  either  disapprobation  or  astonishment,  the  invader 
©f  the  sick  chamber  had  rolled  himself  up  like  a  cocoon  in  the  ab- 
stracted quilt  and  was  stretched  in  perfect  sti'lness  on  the  big  sofa. 

Owing  to  his  soft  breathing,  and  the  deep  shadow  of  the  portion  of 
the  room  in  which  he  lay,  no  one  would  have  imagined  that  a  human 
being  was  there,  or  that  sharp  ears  and  bright  eyes  were  intent  upon 
every  whisper  o<  night-sound,  and  every  flicker  of  shadow  caused  by 
the  currents  of  night  air. 

Bui  restlessness  and  terror  had  seized  upon  Jonas  Coincraft.  The 
stillness  added  to  his  apprehensions,  and  he  longed  for  the  reasuring 
snore  of  his  usual  watcher — Kate  Coddle.  At  length  the  oppressive 
stillness  overcame  him,  and,  twisting  his  gaunt  neck  around  in  the  di- 
rection of  Will  Waffles,  he  croaked,  in  a  horse  whisper : 

"  My  boy— hi,  boy !" 

"  On  deck !"  whispered  Will  immediately  in  return,  H  Thought  you  was 
in  the  arms  of  Murphy  a  half  hour  gone.    What's  up,  old  top  ?  ' 

"  Hadn't  you  better  get  the  fire-arms?"  said  Coincraft.  "There's  a 
blunderbuss,  loaded  to  the  muzzle  in  the  closet  in  the  corner." 

"  Well,  boss,  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I  ain't  much  on  the  shoot,  and 
blunderbusses  loaded  to  the  muzzle  ain't  no  children's  rattles.  They 
tcatter  shot  like  fury,  and  I'd  be  as  like  to  pepper  you  as  the  bur'glara 
every  bit." 

The  old  man  fell  back  on  his  pillow  with  a  groan  of  desperation. 

"  But,"  went  on  the  boy  in  a  comforting  tone,  "  as  yer  bent  on  it,  I'll 
git  the  machine,  and  do  my  level  best  if  need  be.  Only  one  thing — if 
me  and  the  blunderbuss  makes  a  blunder,  boss,  and  pickles  your  carcass, 
you  mustn't  go  a  raisin'  a  rumpus  about  it,  and  sayin'  we  done  it  a  pur- 
poses  So  here  goes  for  it  and  mind  yer  bargain." 

"No — nol"  exclaimed  the  old  man,  dragging  himself  to  a  sitting  po- 
sition, and  holding  out  his  claw-like  hands  appealingly.  "  Do  not  touch 
it  I  Leave  it  alone,  you  horrible  creature  1  Leave  it  alone^  Go— go- 
leave  me— I'll  run  my  chance.  Go  1" 


WILL  W  X  FFL  KB. 


u  Can't  see  it,  boss.   Ym  engaged  for  the  trio,  and  Tm  bound  to  run 

it  through." 

The  answer  already  trembling  on  the  old  man's  lips,  was  cut  short  by 

a  footstep  in  the  passage,  pausing  at  the  door.  | 

The  boy  suddenly  and  noiselessly  disappeared  to  his  liar,  and  [Coin ) 
craft  fell  bat-k  frightened  and  exhausted  on  the  pillow,  closing  his  eyes 
as  if  he  were  sleeping.  g  4 

The  room  door  opened  and  Hartley  entered.  He  was  paler  than  usual- 
and  his  face  wore  a  wild,  troubled  look,  while  his  usual  nervousness  of 
manner  was  now  painfully  perceptible. 

After  a  quick  searching  glance  around  the  apartment — a  glance  that 
penetrated  every  corner,  even  to  the  shadow  where  the  youthful  watch- 
er was  hidden — the  doctor  approached  the  bed,  and  rifting  the  table 
lamp  with  a  trembling  hand,  gazed  long  and  steadfastly  down  at  the 
troubled  face  of  the  patient,  that  twitched  convulsively  in  the  light. 

"  He  sleeps  !"  he  muttered.  "  But  such  a  sleep — as  troubled  as  my 
own.  But  /  was  driven  by  desperation  to  the  crimes  which  gnaw  my 
rest.    His  were  voluntary — selfish — his  created  mine." 

A  long  pause,  with  a  gaspy  motion  of  his  lips,  from  which  no  articu- 
late sound  proceeded,  then,  with  an  irresolute  movement,  the  man  took 
a  small  vial  from  his  pocket  and  held  it  between  him  and  the  light. 

A  very  small  vial,  nearly  filled  with  a  sparkling,  straw-colored  liquid* 
as  Will  Waffles  noticed. 

"  Here,"  said  Hadley,  shaking  it.  u  Here  is  the  instrument  of  re. 
venge,  the  refuge  of  despair — the  giver  of  peace  to  the  troubled  heart. 
This," 'he  said,  with  a  bitter  smile,  "  is  the  only  great  result  of  my 
eastern  voyage,  begun  in  hope  and  ending  in  despair — this  petty  vial» 
giving  the  power  to  murder  with  impunity,  or  to  leave  the  world  at 
whose  table  I  am  no  longer  a  welcome  guest.  But  two  drops  of  this  in 
his  cup  would  send  that  wretched  being  from  the  self-imposed  troubles 
of  this  world  to  the  punishment  which  he  has  so  well  earned  in  the 
next." 

Ev.  n  as  his  hand  was  held  doubtfully  over  the  cup  of  wine  and  wa- 
ter on  the  stand,  the  patient  gave  a  cry,  and,  with  a  quick  movement 
opened  his  eyes,  and  gazed  wildly  into  the  pale  face  of  his  physician. 

"  Who  are  you  ?"  he  cried.  44  Why  do  you  haunt  me?  What  have  I 
clone  to  you  that  you  should  follow  me  thus?" 

Without  speaking,  lladley  quickly  replaced  the  fatal  vial  in  his  pock 
ct,  and  pulling  out  his  handkerchief  uncorked  a  bottle  that  stood  upon 
the  table,  and  wet  the  coiner  of  it  with  with  the  contents. 

"  Hern,"  he  cried  putting  his  hand  on  Coincraft's  forehead  and  pres- 
sing his  head  back  to  the  pillow  from  which  he  had  started  up,  "  You 
ar'»  feverish,  vou  rave,  you  need  rest." 

The  old  muD  endeavored  to  struggle  and  cry  ©ut,  but  the  haadser 


"frLLL   ff  i  Ff  LES. 

fcnief  was  pressed  upon  his  mouth  and  nose,  and  as  Will  Waffles  threw 
aside  the  quilt  that  covered  him  and  rushed  toward  the  bed  with  the 
levelled  blunderbuss,  the  struggle  had  ceased,  the  bony  limbs  wsre  re- 
laxed and  helpless,  and  the  usual  wheezling  rattle  was  replaced  by  a  soft 
and  regular  breathing. 

44  Come,  you  let  up  on  that !"  cried  the  boy  covering  Hadley  with  the 
gun,  "  Let  up,  or  I'll  ventilate  you  for  a  seive!" 

44  Ha,  you !"  exclaimed  Hadley  in  astonishment,  "  What  brings  you 
here,  what  do  you  want?" 

44  Well,  if  you  hain't  got  a  cheek  I"  cried  the  boy, 41  Wan't  I  hired  to 
attend  the  old  man  here  ?  that's  what  brought  me,  and  you  know  it 
Didn't  I  let  up  on  yer  make  believe  English-doctor-dodge  when  you  said 
you  was  goin'  to  act  on  a  level  and  here  yer  a  comin'  chokin'  and  pois- 
oning. Blame  ye,  I've  jest  a  mind  to  blow  you  into  the  middle  of  nex^ 
week." 

44  Hold — hold  !"  exclaimed  the  man.  holding  up  his  hands  in  a  fright- 
ened manner,  as  though  he  would  have  held  back,  the  threatened  dis- 
charge, 44  You  are  mistaken — you  do  me  wrong — I  was  but  meditating 
the  consequences  of  the  deed  I  was  engaged — no,  forced  to  do,  but  I  did 
not  intend  to  do  it.  No — no !  I  Lave  had  enough  of  crime— enough  of 
crime !" 

As  he  faltered  these  excited  words,  he  sank  into  Coincraft's  chair  in 
an  abject  tremor. 

"  Look  a  here,  mister,"  said  Will  Waffles,  lowering  the  muzzle  of  the 
weapon  at  a  beseeching  motion  from  the  man, 44  How  do  you  expect  me 
to  swallow  yer  yarns  when  you've  been  a  pitchin'  lie  into  me  like  a  soap 
boiler  ?  What  do  you  mean  to  tell  me  you  was  a  doin'  with  yer  hand- 
kerchief over  the  old  seed's  mouth,  if  you  wasn't  a  tryin'  to  muzzle  him 
off?" 

44  It  was  only  ether  to  give  him  rest  and  make  him  sleep,"  said  Had- 
ley, eagerly, 44 1  had  no  intention  of  hurting  him,  1  was  rather  about  to 
kill  myself." 

14  That  be  blowed  for  a  yarn — you  can  tell  that  to  the  horse-marines 
for  the  sailors  woi/tjjelieve  it.  You  kill  yerself!  why  you're  shakin' 
like  an  airth-quake  at  the  sight  of  this  old  fire-pump." 

44  Boy,  boy  1"  cried  the  man,  impressively, 44  You  are  far  too  young  to 
Understand  the  changes  wrought  by  thought,  the  empty  fancies  that 
raise  to  heroism  or  the  trifles  that  make  cowards  of  us  all." 

44  Go  it,  old  boy!  I'm  yer  backer !"  cried  the  boy,  coming  to  a  mock 
admiring  44  stand  at  ease." 

44  My  God,  my  Godl"  cried  the  wretched  man  [m  a  sobbing  manner, 
m  Why  did  fear  and  weakness  ever  tempt  me  to  put  myself  in  their 
power  ?  Why  did  the  sea  spare  me  to  become  a  villain  ?  Would  to 
heaven,  that  sympathy  had  made  me  die  when  she  died.  That  I  had 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


never  lived  to  dishonor  the  dead  and  disgrace  the  living.  My  boy— -lay 
boy— !" 

Ending  this  speech  in  an  agonized  tone  he  dropped  his  head  on  the 
cushioned  arm  of  the  chair  and  buried  his  face  in  the  chloroformed 
handkerchief  which  he  still  held. 

The  boy,  whose  heart  was  always  open  to  the  cry  of  trouble,  stepped 
toward  him  and  laid  his  hand  on  his  shoulder  in  a  kindly  way. 

"Blow  me  if  you  aren't  a  strange  card ;  but  I  believe  there's  good 
bottom  under  yer  surface  mud,  I  believe  in  you,  wake  up  and  be  a 
man." 

A  shuddering  groan  proceeded  from  Hadley,  and  Will,  chopping  the 
gun,  endeavored  to  raise  his  head,  but,  with  a  convulsive  start,  the  man 
sprang  from  the  chai  r  and  fell  back  into  it  again,  with  his  face  over 
spread  by  a  corpselike  ghastliness,  turned  up  to  the  light. 

The  handkerchief  thrown  from  his  hand  fell  over  the  arm  of  Will 
"Waffles,  and  th  .t  young  gentleman,  holding  it  suspiciously  at  ami's 
length,  said : 

"  Well,  if  the  blamed-flat  hain't  gone  and  la  ugh  in' -gassed  hisself  with 
the  hanka-fitch,callmea  flat!  Why— why— Will' Waffles,  yer  in  luck— 
a  reg'lar  Barnum — started  in  ihe  show  business  without  money  and 
without  price.  The  Arab  business  was  good,  but  neck  risking — this 
here  is  safe  and  easy.  Two  slecpm'  beauties  ready  made,  a  whole  house 
to  exhibit  in,  and  drugs  enough  to  run  a  quarantine  boat  How's  that 
for  Erie  ?  But  p'raps  the  poor  devil's  a  gone  goslin !  Let's  see.  He 
ain't  much  on  the  breathe,  Lord,  if  they  shouid  both  slip  handcuffs  and 
run,  what  a  fix  I'd  be  in.  Two  dead  men  and  no  coffins  on  hand. 
Phew !" 

Frightened  at  the  peculiar  situation  in  which  he  was  placed,  he  com- 
menced by  all  the  means  in  his  power  to  endeavor  to  restore  Hadley  to 
consciousness.  He  bathed  his  head  and  w  rists  in  cold  water,  and  forced 
wine  between  his  lips,  but  with  no  other  effect  than  to  convince  himself 
that  the  man  was  not  dead,  and  at  la3t  he  sat  down,  fatigued  and  per- 
plexed to  await  the  action  of  nature. 

"  Darn  him,"  he  so.iloquized,  ,  he  must  soon  git  round.  If  I  raise  the 
folks  they'll  stall  an  alarm  and  I'll  be  copped  belorcyou'd  say  Jack  Roh- 
iusou,  'sides  1  kinder  like  the  feller,  whatever  in  the  world  it's  for,  and 
would  hate  mortally  to  see  anything  happen  to  him.  'Sides,  there's 
Mifflin  and  Punkley  and  their  share  in  this  little  game,  Lord,  what  a 
daw  he  was  to  take  up  with  them  two  hawks,  fitter  to  play  Desdemona 
at  the  Dramatic  Hall,  'sides  there's  John  Chunk  and  the  Sociables. 
Wonder  why  I've  took  such  a  likin'  to  the  laughin'  gas  feller.  He  ain't 
nothin'  in  my  style.  He's  as  weak  as  watered  sassaparilla,  and  cries 
like  a  Tombs  shyster.  Guess  it's  coz  he's  ki  trouble— and  blubbers 
about  ft  lost  boy.  Who  knows  how  often  my  o}d  man—whoever  he 


WILL  "WAFJLIS. 


77 


was— has  pumped  his  bilge-water  about  me  ?  Wonder  what  this'laugh- 
in'  gas  arrangement  on  the  hanka-fitch  is  like  ?  Can't  be  any  harm  to 
jest  take  a  little  weeny  snifter.  Steady— steady— old  boy.  You  know 
how  the  old  thing  works.   Best  let  well  enough  alone." 

But,  for  all  this  h;s  curiosity  overcame  his  caution,  and  after  survey, 
ing  the  mysterious  piece  of  linen  at  a  safe  distance  for  some  seconds,  he 
applied  it  to  his  nostrils  and  was  soon  lying  on  the  sofa,  apparently  as 
somniferous  as  the  others,  with  the  loaded  blunderbuss  in  thehodowof 
his  ar.in 


CHAPTER  XVL 

MR.  WALT  rUNKLEY  S  GAME. 

Punkley  had  acted  quickly  and  energetically  in  pursuance  of  his 
idea  of  getting  Will  Waffles  into  his  clutches  and  "  playing  Hm  off,"  as 
he  elegantly  termed  it  against  O.-car  Mifflin,  whatever  the  latter  gentle- 
man might  have  meant  to  do  with  our  young  Arab. 

His  first  move  after  separating  with  Mifflin  and  Hadley  on  the  night 
of  the  Waffles  adventure  on  tue  roof,  was  to  proceed  to  Bellevue  to  en- 
quire for  the  man  who  had  sent  the  missive  to  the  boy. 

But  he  was  a>  unsuccessful  in  his  search  as  Will  Waffles  and  John 
Chunk  had  alterwards  been. 

Unwilling  to  be  foiled  be  frequented  the  warden's  office  making  vain 
enquiries  until  the  officials  one  and  all  voted  him  a  nuisance.  Little 
did  he  think  that,  in  one  of  these  visits  lie  had  brushed  against  the  ob- 
ject of  his  search  coming  out  as  he  entered. 

Falling  in  this  direction  he  betook  himself  to  the  envirous  of  the  City 
Hall  and  was  earnest  in  his  enquiries,  endeavoring  to  learn  tbe  where- 
abouts of  Will  Waffles  from  the  news-boys  and  boot-blacks  that  there 
14  most  do  congregate." 

He  was  equally  unsuccessful  here.  Most  of  the  youngsters  that  he 
asked  indulged  in  oddly-worded  expressions  of  wonder  at  the  non-ap- 
pearance for  so  long  a  time  of  Will  Waffles  on  his  usual  beat,  for  Will 
seemed  to  be  universally  known  and  admired. 

Others,  who  probab.y  belong  to  the  Waffles  Sociables,  and  knew  of 
their  president's  whereabouts,  answered  the  enquirer  with  slangy  evasive- 
nessness  and  eyed  him  with  suspicion,  for  Walt  Punkley  was  known  to 
the  boys,  and  known  for  a  44  bad  egg;"  and  every  little  knot  of  juveniles 
he  left  whispered  mysteriously  of  burglarious  doings  and  "  stret-hes  at 
ging-Sing." 


18  WILL   WAFFLES.  } 

So  Mr.  Pemkley  was  compelled  to  give  up  the  &&mk  for  the  time 

and  content  himself  with  the  meagre  information  conveyed  in  such  con- 
tradictory reports  as : —  ™ 

"  Will  Waffles !  Yes,  I  know  him  I  He's  gone  a  fishin'  with  Horace 
Greeley."  **\ 

"  Will  Waffles?   He's  gone  to  Hoboken  to  climb  a  tree." 

Muttering  savagely  at  his  disappointment,  the  man  turned  away  and 
hurried  down  Frankfort  Street. 

It  was  just  after  sunset,  but  still  a  fiery  dim  glimmer  lingered  in  the 
sky,  and  lighted  up  the  western  windows  and  the  clouds  of  steam  that 
whirled  in  snowy  antics  over  this  great,  industrial  portion  of  the  city. 

The  wind  was  blowing  cold  from  the  westward,  and  the  wet  snow 
on  the  side-walk  was  beginning  to  freeze  and  crackled  beneath  the  feet 
of  the  man  as  he  went 

On,  past  the  clatter  of  steam  presses, — the  rumble  of  lathes,  and  the 
jingle  and  jabber  of  lager  beer  saloons,  he  hurried  with  bent  head  still 
muttering, 

"Curse  the  luck?"  he  said, "  Where  can  this  sewer  rat  have  hidden 
himself.  I  must  find  him,  to  make  a  martingale  of  him  for  this  skittish 
horse,  Sir  Oscar,  fire  and  furies,  it  makes  my  blood  boil  to  see  his  airs, 
and  imagine  he  even  thinks  he  has  outwitted  me.  And  he  does  think 
it,  blast  him !  I  can  see  it  in  his  manner — in  his  very  glance,  when  ha 
thinks  I  do  not  notice  him.   We'll  see,  we'll  see  !V 

The  man  gave  a  savage,  wolfish  laugh.  The  laugh  was  echoed  in  a, 
burlesque  manner  behind  him,  and  he  turned  sharply  to  look  back. 

A  smaller  ridiculous  figure  in  a  man's  coat,  presenting  an  outline  re- 
semblance to  a  patent  pressed  Esquimo  dwarf  was  toddling  in  his 
rear. 

It's  head  was  ^htlessiy  buried  in  a  helmet  formed  by  a  non-descript 
cap,  a  large  comforter  and  the  upturned  collar  of  the  coat.  Its  hands 
were  trust  into  the  opposite  cuffs,  in  the  manner  of  a  muff,  while  the 
legs  were  rendered  invisible  by  the  skirts  of  the  coat,  which  descended 
to  within  an  inch  of  the  flags. 

Walt  Punkley  glanced  contemptuously  at  the  diminutive  grotesque! 
and  continuad  his  journey  and  his  soliloquy. 

"  Mifflin  does  not  think,"  mused  he,  "  that  I  have  taken  a  shy  through 
his  smooth  face,  and  seen  his  game.  He's  got  his  pluck  up — got  confi- 
dence in  himself,  since  I  laughed  him  out  of  his  cowardly  notions,  and 
and  showed  him  the  way  he  could  get  over  the  old  fellow's  whims  and 
lay  his  hand  upon  the  money.  He's  got  me  to  supply  him  with  a  tool, 
now  he  begins  to  feel  his  wings  and  try  to  fly  it  alone.  He'll  get 
the  will  hisself  now — will  he?  He  was  afraid  to  go  within  sight  of 
the  house  before.  I  was  to  have  done  the  job.  He's  afraid  to  trust 
me,  the  treacherous  cur.  He  dosen't  want  to  giv«  me  an  everlasting 
chance  of  getting  a  string  on  him.  He  knows  that  my  reputation  ain't 


WILL  WA?FLE3. 


the  be*5t  in  Headquarters  or  the  courts,  and  he  thinks  he  can  put  me  off 
with  9  little  whack,  or  defy  and  outface  me,  'cause  my  word  won't  be 
believed  'gainst  that  of  a  man  of  wealth  and  education.  Humph ! 
These  edicated  fellers  think  that  they're  all  high-cockolorum,  and  that 
noDody  knows  anything  but  themselves." 

A  long,  low  satrical  chuckle  escaped  him  which  was  faithfully  re- 
oliuckled  by  the  dog-trotting  pt^rmy  behind,  but  he  did  not  notice  the 
sound. 

"  Mifflin's  white-livered  face,"  he  continued,  M  turned  as  yellow  as  a 
«arrott  when  he  uaw  that  I  did  not  know  anything  about  the  letter  that 
the  boy  gave  him  in  mistake.  He'd  had  given  his  best  beaver  not  to 
have  shown  it  But  I've  got  it?  I  twigged  him,"  I  saw  that,  from  that 
moment,  he  intended  to  act  double  with  me.  D  n  !"  he  cried,  sud- 
denly pausing  with  clenched  teeth.  "  If  he  should  have  double  banked 
me  already — if  he  should  have  this  missing  boy  in  his  clutches  !  I  might 
have  thought  of  that— I  might  have  known  it.  But  I'll  euchre  him 
yet.  I'll  carry  out  the  old  plan  on  my  own  hook.  I'll  get  the 
papers — help  myself  to  the  swag  and  the  n  play  out  the  game  single- 
handed." 

With  this  conclusion  he  clashed  off  at  a  more  rapid  pace,  and  into 
Pearl  street,  across  Franklin  Square,  and,  by  the  way  of  Cherry  and 
"Roosevelt,  into  the  reeking  atmosphere  of  Water  street,  where  the 
many  low  groggery  lights  blinked  through  the  darkness— for  now  the 
night  had  fallen  inkily  over  the  city — and  the  wild  bacchaulian  uproar 
had  begun  to  issue,  early  as  it  was  from  the  many  dance  houses  and 
cellar*. 

Loud  voices  of  men  in  dispute  over  cards  or  the  payment  of  scores 
bantering  speeches  of  women  at  the  doors  of  passers-by— loud  des- 
criptions of  some  "  mill"  or  dog  fight,  fearfully  interspersed  with  oaths, 
the  squeaking  of  tuneless  fiddles,  mirthless  laugh' er  of  squads  of  poison- 
guzzlers  made  night  hideous. 

On,  for  some  distance,  went  Walt  Punkley  in  deep  revolvement  of 
his  plans,  and  still  on  after  him,  at  a  short  distance,  tripped  the  odd 
looking  little  figure. 

It  was  evident  now  that  this  similarity  of  their  routes  was  not  acci- 
dental, for,  as  they  came  to  an  unusually  brightly-lighted  portion  of  the 
street  the  little  one  would  drop  back  a  few  steps  or  stand  still,  until  Punk- 
ley  had  passed  it  and  then  follow  on  again. 

At  length  the  man  turned  into  or>3  of  the  largest  of  the  temples  of 
discord  and  blue-ruin.  The  bar  was  crowded  and  suffocating  with  the 
fumes  of  bad  liquor  and  smoke  of  villainous  weeds  dignified  by  the 
nam*  of  tobacco.  A  party  of  dirty,  ill-looking  men  were  seated  at  a 
ricketty  table  in  one  corner  playing  "  penny  ante"  with  a  very  greasy 
pack  of  cards  and  a  very  small  amount  of  pennies,  while*  couple  more 


80 


WILL  WAFFLES* 


•  sets"  were  thumping  their  Way  through  noisy  games  of  "  forty-fives1* 

and  44  seven-up"  on  the  heads  of  empty  liquor  barrels  at  the  sides,  every 
triumphal  boarding  of  a  trump  causing  the  empty  vessels  to  44  boom, 
like  minute  guns  at  sea. 

Walt  Punkley  pushed  his  way  to  the  bar,  and  the  little  fellow  dodged 
like  a  dog  between  the  legs  of  the  customers  after  him.  Punkley  called 
for  a  drink,  paid  for  it,  whispered  to  the  bar-tender,  received  a  negative 
shake  of  the  head,  followed  by  a  motion  toward  the  back  door  of  the 
room,  through  which  came  a  wild,  pig-under-gate  skirl  of  discordancy 
supposed  to  be  music  by  the  denizens  of  these  halls  of  dazzling  light. 
Then  this  demoniac  noise  switched  off  into  a  lively,  raspy  reel,  and  the 
thunder  of  many  pairs  of  shoes  coming  to  the  balance,  shook  the  house, 

Punkley  pushed  forward  through  the  crowd  that  blocked  up  the  door 
of  the  dance-room,  gazing  at  the  dancers.  A  strange  scene  it  was  in  the 
tobacco-smoke  clouded  apartment  be}  ond.  Several  sets  of  terpsichoreans 
were  4>  weltin'  the  floor"  as  the  elegant  author  of '4  Firinigan's  Wake" 
has  it,  encouraging  each  other  with  loud  cries  and  whoops,  slapping 
each  other  on  the  back  and  cracking  their  fingers  above  their  heads,  in 
all  the  wild  enthusiasm  of  howling  dervises. 

Fiashily  dressed  waiter  girls,  with,  low-necked  dresses  and  tremen- 
dously painted  cheeks,  flitted  about  the  sides  of  the  room  with  tin  trays* 
bearing  glasses  of  liquor  and  cabbage  leaf  cigars  to  supply  the  wants  of 
the  customers,  who  occupied  the  forms  along  the  walls. 

These  customers  were  sailors,  boatmen,  longshoremen,  etc.,  with  a 
goodly  sprinkling  of  those  unplace-able  yonng  gentlemen,  who  delight 
in  big  peaked  black  caps  and  red  shirts,  together  with  monkey  jackets 
and  rolled-up  pants. 

I  will  not  trouble  the  reader  with  a  more  minute  discription  of  the 
room  than  to  mention  that  there  was  the  regulatio.i  amount  of  gaudy- 
colored  lithographs  of  lighting  (logs,  game  cocks,  race  horses  and  pugil- 
ists, with  here  and  there  a  pictorial  remembrance  of  the  ready  money 
principles  upon  which  the  establishment  was  conducted,  in  a  suggestive 
rebus  quietly  requesting  the  imbibative  patrons  44  to  fork  over  what 
they  owed,"  or  a  representation  of  the  handless  dial  of  a  clock,  beariii^ 
the  legend,  44  no  tick  here,"  or  the  melancholy  spectacle  of  a  ginger-col. 
ored  poodle  who  has  departed  this  life  and  is  lying  on  his  back  with 
his  legs  in  the  air,  like  an  overturned  wash-stool,  with  an  epitaph,  written 
by  some  o;  the  poetic  masters,  commencing 

44  POOR  TRUST  IS  DEAD  " 

and  concluding  with  a  concise  account  of  the  immediate  cause  of  that 
dlstrcsinu:  affair. 

Perched  on  a  spindle-shanked  table  in  one  corner  sat  the  chief  demons 
of  discord  in  the  persons  of  a  colorea  fiddler  and  a  discordant  clarionet* 
player,  who  sawed  and  blew  with  frightful  earnestness,  in  order  to  makf 


WLLL  WAFFLES. 


81 


their  notes,  (Heaven  save  the  mark,)  heard  above  the  jabbering,  laugh- 
ing, scolding,  swearing,  thumping  tumult  of  sounds  that  made  the  scene 
appear  like  a  jollification  ever  the  completion  of  the  tower  of  Babel, 
with  old  Nick  providing  the  music. 

Punkley  rushed  along  as  rapidly  as  he  could  through  the  throng 
now  eyeing  the  people  on  the  setters,  now  scrutinizing  the  whirling 
figures  in  the  centre.  At  length  he  stopped  suddenly  opposite  one  of 
the  dancing  parties  and  stood  gazing  at  them. 

The  person  who  seemed  to  rivet  his  attention  was  a  stout,  full-faced 
man  with  a  rather  comical  expression  of  countenance,  but,  if  stout  in 
body,  his  size  did  not  seem  to  interfere  in  the  least  with  his  enjoyment 
in  the  light-fantastic  toe  line.  He  was  the  spirit  of  the  dance — the  ob. 
severed  of  all  observe-s; — and  he  seemed  to  have  a  full  appreciation  of 
the  fact,  for  the  way  in  which  he  revelled  in  the  display  of  his  wealth 
of  fancy  steps  and  turned  and  wheeled  about  was  a  caution  to  Jim 
Crow. 

At  every  brilliant  flourish  and  dust-rising  ending,  the  admiring  spec- 
tators gave  expression  to  their  approval  by  crying  : — 
"  Go  it,  Tim !  Pile  in,  Tim !  Rise  it,  Soolivan  !" 

And  the  inspirited  Tim  would  start  away,  more  spiritedly  then  ever 

In  one  of  the  turns  in  which  he  came  close  to  Walt  Pnnkley,  tha 
gentleman  put  out  his  hand  and  struck  him  a  light  blow  on  the  guard 
of  the  arm.  The  dancer  turned  quickly  toward  him  with  a  slight  ex- 
clamation of  enquiry. 

44  Come,  Tim,  I  want  you,"  said  Punkley  in  a  low,  short  way. 

44  Bad  manners  to  ye,  Walt,  couldn't  ye  wate  till  we  bate  the  fiddler?" 
asked  the  enthusiastic  Tim. 

44  No,  no  time.    Come  !"  said  Punkley,  starting  off. 

44  Blur-an-nounters!"  cried  Tim  woefully.  44  Isn't  this  too  bad,  that 
pleasure  must  be  attended  to  before  bizness.  You  must  excuse  me,  Pol- 
ly Ann.  I'll  get  some  one  to  finish  the  fiddler.  Here,  boys,  which  of 
ye'll  take  a  hand  in  and  shake  a  foot  ?" 

Several  volunteers  sprang  forward,  but  Tim's  partner,  a  great  buxom, 
florid-faced  creature  pushed  them  aside. 

44  Here's  my  partner,  and  no  thanks  to  you,  Mister  Tim,"  she  cried 
seizing  the  little,  muffled  figure  that  had  followed  Punkley,  unnoticed 
into  the  room,  and  lifting  it  from  its  feet,  she  whirled  away  into  the 
dance,  the  little  legs  and  long  coat-tails  of  the  boy  describing  •  circle 
of  confusion  as  he  went 


WILL  WAFFLE8. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

PATSY  THE  NEWS — A  DANCE  HOUSE — PLOTTING  AND  8PYlNd. 

Loud  shouts  of  laughter  arose  from  the  crowd  and  growling  hnpre-. 
cations  from  the  disturbed  dancers  at  her  odd  action,  and  the  wild  strug- 
gle of  the  victim  to  get  his  feet  to  the  floor. 

"  Let  me  down,  you,  let  me  down !"  cried  the  soy,  and  the  woman  at 
length  breathlessly  complied  with  his  request. 

44  Weft,  there,  you  imp  you,  danee  if  you  won't  swing!"  she  puffed  as 
she  soused  him  on  the  floor. 

41  But  the  commotion  had  attracted  the  attention  ©f  the  feminine  pre- 
siding genius  of  the  place — a  great  burly,  bloated  woman,  who  elbowed 
her  way  through  the  crowd  and  caught  the  intruder  by  the  muffled  neck 
to  drag  him  from  the  scene. 

44  No  you  don't,"  cried  the  youngster,  suddenly  wrenching  himself 
five  from  her  grasp,  at  the  sacrifice,  however,  of  his  red  muffler,  which 
the  hostess  still  held, 

"  Come  you,  git  out  o'  this;  you  young  rascal  you,  what  does  the  like 
of  you  want  here?"  she  cried,  angrily. 

The  boy  avoided  her  grasp,  and  sticking  his  thumbs  into  the  lappels 
of  his  coat,  eyed  her  with  the  coolest  effrontery  as  he  said  : 

44  Well  you've  got  a  gall,  Missus  Barns,  to  let  on  you  don't  know  me. 
Ye'll  know  me  in  the  mornin'  when  yer  looking  out  for  yer  paper." 

His  small  size  contrast  d  with  his  old  fashioned  manner,  caused  great 
merriment, 

*•  What?"  cried  Mrs.  Burns,  "  Then  you're—" 

41  I'm  Patsy  the  News  and  no  mistake — so  what  d'ye  vant  to  go  a  put- 
tin'  me  out  for?  I  ain't  no  dead  beat." 

44  Bravo,  Patsy !"  cried  the  bystanders,  *  Keep  yer  partner,  go  on  with 
the  dance. 

44  You  bet!"  cried  the  youngster,  "  Clear  the  track,  Mrs.  Burns,  Heyf 
Snowball,  rasp  the  rosin —dust  it  lively,  Go  it,  Polly  Ann,  my  name's 

screecher !" 

44  Go.it,  Screecher !"  cried  the  crowd  and  they  went  it. 

The  d.minutive  Patsy  seemed  perfectly  at  home,  and,  catching  the 
long  skirls  of  his  coat  in  dainty  burle  -que  of  the  manner  of  the  females, 
he  wheeled  and  crossed  and  swaggered  and  balanced  with  most  mirtU 


-  ,  •   

WILL   WAFFLES.  &3 

provoking  gravity,  introducing,  in  utter  disregard  of  time  or  fitness  of 
clog-steps,  break-downs,  doubie  and  single  shuffles,  trebles,  and  all  the 
immense  variety  of  pedal  fantasies  in  which  he  had  become  expert 
while  warni.ng  his  little  feet  on  the  frozen  pavements  at  the  corners. 

Every  cry  of  encouragement  or  remark  of  praise  seemed  to  add  to  the 
spirit  of  the  young  imp,  and  he  "  went  it "  faster  and  faster  UEtil  at  last 
the  poor  clarionet  player's  eyes  threatened  to  start  from  their  spheres 
and  roll  down  his  sweaty  cheeks,  and  the  elbow  of  the  sable  genius  who 
manipulated  the  fiddle,  became  perfectly  demoralized,  and  wabbled  about 
in  the  loose-jointed  manner  of  a  thrasher's  flail. 

At  length  exhaustion  overpowered  the  heroic  pf.ir,  and,  by  mutual 
consent  the  music  died  away  with  a  strangling  squeak,  and  the  Ethio- 
pean  harmonist  addressed  the  assemblage,  thusly  : 

"Dar,  ladies  an'  gemmans — data  'nuff  for  one  hitch— inta-mission  for 
•freshments — promenade  to  de  bar  an'  don't  forgit  de  fiddler." 

Under  cover  of  the  laughter  at  the  grimaces  accompanying  this,  tho 
young  detective  broke  away  and  hurried  up  the  room  in  the  direction 
in  which  Punkley  and  Tim  had  gone. 

He  looked  sharply  around  the  crowd  of  coarse  brown  faces,  but  could 
Bee  nothing  of  the  men  he  sought,  and  he  passed  0:1  unnoticed,  for 
every  one  was  filled  with  their  own  maudlin  excitement. 

A  small,  low-browed  door  showed  blackly  at  one  corner  of  the  upper 
back  end  of  the  room.  As  soon  as  he  approached  it,  seeing  no  one  pay- 
ing particular  attention  to  him,  he  dodged  into  is  with  the  agility  of  a 
cat. 

It  opened  into  a  narrow,  dark  passage,  that,  judging  from  the  close 
foetid  atmosphere,  the  boy  concluded  led  to  the  vaults  of  the  building, 
for  I  forgot  to  mention  that  this  home  of  wretchedness  and  revelry  was 
a  basement. 

Patsy  paused  to  listen  with  his  hand  against  the  cold,  slimy  wall. 

The  trinkle  of  running  water  sounded  from  the  darkness  brfore  him, 
and,  distinct  from  this,  his  quick  ear  detected  the  irregular  hissing  of 
whispering  voices. 

lie  crept  forward,  slowly  and  cautiously,  guided  by  the  damp  touch 
of  the  walls,  and  at  length  was  brought  again  to  a  stand-still  by  seeing 
a  few  feet  before  him  a  feeble  line  of  light  reaching  from  top  to  bottom 
of  a  door. 

Here  the  sounds  reached  him  more  plainly  and  he  could  distinguish 
even  in  a  suppressed  under-tone  the  rough,  glutteral  snaps  of  Walt  Punk- 
ley  from  the  weak  but  more  musical  cadences  of  Tim's  voice. 

"  None  of  your  croaking,  you  cowardly  owl,  or  I'll  put  the  heel  of  my 
boot  in  your  mouth  !"  he  heard  Punkley  say,  "  Curse  you,  do  you  think 
of  nobody  but  yourself.  Have  you  no  thought  of  how  hot  this  cursed 
.city  is  getting  for  me  ?  I'll  delay  no  longer,  I  must  make  a  stake  and  leav«, 


84  WILL  WA7FLE8. 

and  let  me  tell  yon,  Tim,  the  sooner  you  transpose  your  "beautiful  car- 
cass the  better  for  that  beautiful  neck  that  you  seem  to  make  such  a  pet 
of.  Dancing — no  less'  humph!  you'll  be  dancing  a  single  jig  to  the 
tune  of  *  Twisting  of  the  Hope" 

"  Hush— hush  !"  said  the  other  in  a  frightened  tone,  "You  don't 
know  what  a  devil  of  a  place  this  is  for  spyin',  and  listenin'  and  talkin'. 
What  is  it  you  mane  to  do?" 

The  boy  by  one  quick  movement  was  at  the  door  with  his  eye  and 
ear  to  the  chink. 

It  was  a  dreary,  cell-like  place  into  which  he  looked ;  as  far  as  he 
could  see  it  was  filled  with  a  litter  of  empty  barrels  and  boxes,  and 
lighted  by  a  kerosene  lamp  suspended  in  an  iron  ring. 

Walt  Punkley  was  half  seated,  with  one  leg  thrown  over  the  head  of 
a  barrell,  and  Tim  the  dancer  stood  in  a  nervous  position  before 
him. 

Patsy  thought  he  had  never  seen  so  great  a  change  in  anyone  in  so 
short  a  space  of  time  as  was  visible  in  Tim.  The  light  of  merriment 
had  departed  from  his  fun-speaking  eyes  and  a  restless  look  of  fear 
had  taken  its  place.  His  ruddy  face  had  changed  to  a  sallow  hue,  and 
his  formerly  plump  chaps  hung  loose  and  flabby. 

M  What  is  it  ye  mane  to  do  ?"  he  repeated. 

"  The  crowbars,"  snapped  Punkley,  cfuickly,  but  in  a  low  tone, 
"  The  cro-K-s  and  picks,  you  understand  ?    Get  them  quick." 
"  It's  early  yet,"  said  Tim,  nervously. 

"  We'd  best  not  lave  in  a  hurry.  There  was  English  Jack  only  night 
afore  last  " 

"  Pooh  !"  cried  Punkley,  "  You're  a  fool — you're  afraid  of  your  own 
eyebrows.  Get  the  tools  and  come.  We  won't  strike  the  place  till 
twelve  or  one,  but  we  may  as  well  be  near.  Besides  we'll  have  to  hunt 
up  Red  Dan.  'T was  him  that  laid  the  job,  he  knows  the  place  to  a 
knock  down." 

"  Red  Dan !"  cried  the  other,  "It'll  be  a  quare  one  o'clock  tbat 
you'll  see  him  with  you.* 
h  why  ?" 

Didn't  you  hear  of  the  row  at  Pock-marked  Ned's  V9 
"  Something  about." 

"Well,  wasn't  Red  Dan  knifed  there  and  sent  to  Bellevue,  and  didn't 
they  think  he  was  goin'  to  kick  it,  and  didn't  he  thiak  so  hissolf,  and 
begin  to  confess  like  a  steam  engine  and  tell  all  he  knew,  and  didn't 
me  and  Ned  go  to  see  him  and  when  we  heard  the  way  he  was  goin' 
on,  we  put  up  Ned's  wife  to  go  cry  in'  to  the  hospital  and  claim  him  for 
her  husband." 
L  "  Did  she  do  it  ?" 

"  Be  my  faith  she  did,  up  to  the  handle.  Placed  her  part  lifee  a  play- 
actor." 

*•<• 


WILL  WAFFLES.:  i  85 

u  And  where  is  he  now  ?" 

"  In  bed  at  Ned's." 
"  Is  he  very  bad  ?" 

"  Divil  a  bad.  He's  more  frightened  than  hurt.  All  a  skear.  But 
the  fears  just  as  bad  az  if  he  had  been  stuck  through  the  heart." 

"  We  must  get  him.  f\\  make  him  get  over  his  fear  by  a  greater 
fear,"  said  Punkley  with  a  confident  chuckle. 

- 1  must  get  a  hold  on  this  swag.  That  feller,  Mifflin,  is  as  deep  as 
he's  smooth,  and  he's  too  sweet  to  be  wholesome.  He'll  p'raps  take  it 
into  his  noddle  to  accuse  me  of  the  old  mans  peggin'  out  as  well  as 
that  poor  devil  Hadley." 

The  last  words  were  said  half  musingly,  and  he  was  silent  for  an  in- 
stant as  if  in  deep  thought,  but,  with  a  quick  start  he  turned  and  said 
rapidly : 

"  I've  never  been  beaten  yet,  Tim— and  by  I'm  not.  going  to  let 

him  get  the  first  horse  on  me  !  Get  the  fixings'  quick." 

Tim  commenced  a  nervous  demur,  but  an  impatient  curse  from  the 
other  silenced  him,  and,  going  to  one  corner  of  the  room,  If  it  might 
be  called  a  room,  he  remoued  some  of  the  broken  boxes  and  uncovered 
a  barrell. 

"If  you  must,  you  must,  I  suppose,"  he  said,  "so  choose  your  choose. 
"There  you  are — tools  enough  to  make  a  railroad." 

Punkley  picked  out  two  small  crowbars  or  jimmies,  a  couple  of  chisels 
of  different  shapes,  and  a  muffled  mal  et.  while  Tim  produced  from  one 
of  the  boxes  a  pair  of  dark  lanterns  and  a  bunch  of  skeleton  keys. 

"  Now  we're  ready,"  he  said,  with  a  sort  of  forced  laugh,  pocketing 
the  c.iisels,  hiding  one  of  the  jimmies  inside  his  coat  and  handing  the 
mallet  and  the  other  crow  to  Tim,  he  continue- 1 :  "  Here,  you  stow  these 
away,  the  mallet  won't  add  much  to  your  bulk.  What's  the  matter 
with  yer  figure  head?  You  look  as  if  you  had  fallen  foul  of  your  grand 
mother's  spook." 

"  I  don't  like  this  job.  It's  bad  enough  to  crack  a  crib,  without  bein' 
mixed  up  in  worse  things,"  said  Tim  in  a  forboding  voice. 

"  Why,  yon  infernal  idiot !"  cried  Punkley  in  a  louder  and  angrier 
tone  than  he  had  yet  used,  ''havn't  I  told  you  this  in  a  safe  and  saving 
game  ?  We  don't  go  to  break  into  the  real  house,  we  go  into  the  empty 
one  next  door,  we  go  up  until  beneath  the  very  rafters,  break  through 
above  the  ceiling-joists  where  not  even  the  M.  P's  will  tver  think  of 
looking  for  an  entrance.  That  done,  we  have  nothing  to  do  but  des- 
cend the  stairs — nab  the  documents  and  swag  and  make  our  escape  by 
the  same  way  as  we  entered." 

"  But  the  other  affair— the  poi  " 

*  WiU,  Ukely,  all  be  over  when  we  get  there.   Then  let  him  accl  our 


"WILL  WAFFLES. 

dupe,  Hadley,  fight  it  out,  for  it  will  be  'atween  them,  and  whichenr 
loses  will  be  blamed  for  our  work  when  the  things  is  missed." 

"  But  what  can  he  say  this  Hadley  feller  did  it  for?" 

"  Revenge !  Some  all-flred  grudge  he  has  at  old  Coincraf  t  I  found 
that  out  and  laid  all  this  game  on  it.  Let  them  fight  it  out  on  that 
line,  it's  nothing  to  us  which  wins  or  loses.  There'll  be  a  crush  some- 
where, and  I,  for  one,  want  to  get  from  under.  Give's  one  of  the  dark- 
ies and  let's  get." 

As  the  boy  heard  them  move  toward  the  door,he  retired  precipitately 
along  the  passage,  and  out  once  more  into  the  crowded  dance-room 
where  the  dancers  were  at  it  more  fastly  and  furiously  than  ever. 

Burying  himself  from  observation  among  the  crowd,  he  kept  his  eye 
on  the  door  through  which  he  expected  to  see  the  two  plotting  worthies 
appear,  but  they  did  not  come. 

<l  After  some  time  he  ventured  to  re-enter  and  cautiously  made  his 
way  to  the  chink  of  light.  Ail  was  silent  within  and,  pushing  open 
the  ricketty  door,  he  gazed  in. 

The  place  was  empty. 

*'  By  cricky,  they've  given  me  the  go-by  t"  exclaimed  the  long- 
skirted  spy  turning  back.  "  But  I  know  their  next  move.  Then,  ho 
for  the  Sociables !" 


CHAPTER  XVHX 

THE  u  WILL  WAFFLES  SOCIABLES."  JOHN  CHUNK  AS  AN  ORATOR. 

Patsy  the  News  pushed  his  tortuous  way  through  the  bachandian 
throughout  into  the  cold.ni^ht,  and  out  on  to  the  now  hard  frozen 
sidewalks. 

Muffling  himself  up  closely  once  more  he  hurried  rapidly  along  in 
a  westerly  direction  until  he  struck  Chatham  Street,  and  here  he  paused, 
listening  intently. 

So  far  as  the  well-known  cries  of  the  dessemmators  of  knowledge 
and  news  went,  the  streets  were  silent,  for  Patsy  had  at  the  time,  no 
ear  for  any  other  sound. 

There  was,  to  be  sure,  now  and  then,  a  faint,  appealing  cry  of  the 
name  of  some  evening  paper,  proceeding  from  the  lips  of  some  poor 
little  novice  who,  in  newsboy's  parlance, had  "got  stuck,"  but  of  the 
regular  brother  professionals  not  a  voice  was  heard. 

"  The  fellers  have  all  skedaddled,  and  I  don't  blame  'em,  for,  by  Jim- 
miny  kings,  disguise  feels  kinder  comf'table  if  it  don't  look  extra  gal- 
lus,"  said  Patsy,  with  some  difilculty  bending  his  bundled  up  neck  to 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


87 


survey  his  long-robed  figure.    "Guess  they're  at  the  Club-Room 
pitchin'  into  the  lager  and  cig's.   "Wonder  where  the  chunky  feller  with 
the  pot  metal  hat  is  ?   He  was  was  to  meet  me  here." 

vAt  the  word  a  heavy  hand  was  laid  upon  his  shoulder,  and  the  "  fellar 
with  the  pot-metal  hat  "  stood  before  him  in  the  person  of  our  old  friend 
Mr.  Jobn  Chunk,  in  box  jacket  and  glazed  tarpaulin. 

"  Hello !  guv'ner.    Here  you  is." 

"  Yes,  my  hearty.    Been  wailing  long  ?" 

"  No,  just  arrove." 

"  What  news  ?" 

"  Bang-up.  Got  the  inside  track  and  a  through  ticket.  Train  starts 
at  twelve  or  one.  Must  be  all  aboard.  Let's  leg  it.  The  fellar's  M  be 
waitin'.  Nice  a  six-hand  game  as  you'd  wish  to  git  into.  Waffleses  and 
you  and  me,  'gainst  Walt  Punkley  and  Dancin'  Tim  and  some  other 
bruiser  wot's  been  wounded  and  is  afeard.    Won't  it  be  gay  V" 

Mr.  Chunk  expressed  his  entire  belief  in  the  gaiety  of  the  arrange- 
ment, and  the  two  hurried  away  through  the  tortuous  ways  of  the  east 
side  of  the  city  until,  in  one  of  the  least  attractive  of  the  streets,  tho 
youngster  turned  into  a  basement  lager  beer  saloon  and  the  man  fol- 
lowed. 

Patsey  enquired  if  any  of  the  Waffleses  had  been  there,  and  was  an- 
swered in  the  affirmative  by  the  Falstaffian  landlord,  who  jerked  his 
leg  of  mutton  thumb  over  his  shoulder  toward  an  inner  room,  and 
thither  the  boy  led  John  Chunk. 

The  "Waffles  Sociables"  were  a  picturesque,  if  not  a  very  stylish 
gathering. 

Imagine  a  small,  square,  low-ce  led  room  with  a  low-hanging  gaslight 
in  the  centre,  two  round  tables  with  shelves  for  beer  mugs  beneath  the 
leaves,  a  stained  wooden  settee  at  either  side,  and  some  eight  or  ten 
massive,  yellow-painted  arm-chairs,  and  a  tireless  hearth,  with  a  keg  of 
lager  set  upon  the  empty  grate,  and  you  have  the  inanimate  portion  of 
the  scene  before  you. 

About  a  dozen  young  gentlemen;  of  different  sizes,  ages  and  styles  of 
beauty  were  scattered  about  the  room  in  every  possible  position  sup- 
posed to  be  conducive  of  corporeal  comfort ;  heels  up  and  legs  over  the 
chair  arms,  appeared  to  be  the  styles  most  in  favor. 

On  every  side  indivuality  of  character  and  independance  of  thought 
were  visible,  for  the  Waffleses  were  entrammelled  by  the  straight-waist 
coats  of  imitative  society ;  they  were  not  bound  in  by  the  petty  fetters 
of  convertionality — they  spurned  popular  taste  and  trampled  on 
fashion. 

\  They  had  a  deep  veneration  for  the  antique,  and  looked  with  a  noble 
scorn  on  the  newly  invented  kickshaws  of  dress. 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


As  with  the  ancients,  their  garments  mostly  came  by  descent  a*vJ 
were  thankfully  and  unquestionably  received. 

The  Wafileses  were  the  true  philosophers,  that  looked  through  the 
shadows  of  things  in  search  of  the  substance — and  found  it. 

To  them  a  hat  was  a  hat,  a  coat  was  a  coat — both  valuable  according 
to  their  warmth  and  ease — elbow  room  and  head  room  not  objected  to. 

This  indulgement  of  individual  taste  was  apparent  in  the  great  variety 
of  dress  that  distinguished  the  Sociables. 

Show  me,  ye  promenaders  on  the  "  grand  street" — the  dollar  side, — 
such  a  pleasing  diver  -ity  of  style,  such  exquisite  ease  of  carriage. 

Most  of  the  VVaffleses  were  smoking  cigars,  and  all  had  lager  beer 
glasses  before  them,  which  one  comical  boy  had  formed  himself  into  a 
committee  to  replenish  from  the  beer  barrel  on  the  hob. 

When  Will  Waffles  described  to  Mr.  John  Chunk  the  association  that 
bore  his  name,  Mr.  Chunk  had  naturally  pictured  to  himself  a  regularly 
appointed  society  hall,  with  imposing  desks  and  all  the  o-ther  parapher- 
nalia to  such  scenes  belonging,  occupied  by  a  careful  selection  from  the 
progressive  rising  generation  with  soaped  hair  and  clean  bibs  and  tuck- 
ers sitting  in  profound  silence  to  listen  to  heavy  worded  wisdom  holding 
forth  against  the  use  of  beer  and  tobacco. 

His  astonishment  on  being  ushered  into  the  presence  of  the  Waffles 
Soc'ables  may  therefore  be  imagined. 

The  members,  discussing  the  produce  of  the  lager  cask  and  the  last 
run  to  a  lire,  or  some  such  popular  topic,  did  not  notice  the  entrance  of 
John  Chunk  and  his  guide.  Indeed,  the  room  was  so  filled  with  tohac. 
co  smoke  that  it  would  have  been  hard  for  them  to  have  done  so. 

"  Why,  it  can't  be  possible  that  this  is  your  society  room,  my  boy," 
said  Mr.  Chunk,  causing  the  boy  to  pause  by  a  touch  on  the  shoulder. 

44  'Tain't  nothiu'  else,"  said  the  boy,  in  a  voice  in  which  a  slight  tone 
of  pride  could  be  detected. 

"  And  are  these  the  Waffles'  Sociables  ?"  asked  Mr.  John  Cuunk  in 
surprise. 

"Them's  the  feller!"  said  Patsy  the  News  with  an  elevation  of  tone. 
"  And  what's  that  little  demon  doing  at  the  fireplace  ?" 
"  Him  ?    He's  dealin'  out  the  lush." 
"  Beer!"  said  Chunk  in  astonishment 

44  Yes,"  said  Patsy,  proundly,  evidently  mistaking  the  cause  of  the 
surprised  tone  in  which  the  good  man  spoke.  41  That's  our  style,  sir. 
We  does  it  by  the  wholesale.  Buys  it  by  the  banei  at  the  time.  Every 
one  puts  in  so  much,  and  if  any  of  the  fellers  is  broke  the  chaps  that's 
got  stamps  puts  up  for  him  until  he  gits  flush  agin." 

44  And  then  he  pays,  does  he  ?"  asked  Chunk. 

44  Dead  sure,  or  out  he  goes.  No  bilks  allowed  in  this  chebang." 
k  44  And  do  you  find  this  an  agreeable  way  of  spending  your  " 


WILL  "WAFFLES* 


•Evenings"  John  Chunk  was  going  to  say,  bat  his  voluble  guide  in- 
terrupted him. 

41  Oh,  yes.  It  comes  far  cheaper,  and  it's  more  decent  and  less  trouble, 
and  saves  quarrel*  over  the  rounds  and  who's  to  pay  for  them,  and  all 
that,"  explained  Patsy.  14  "We  only  pays  three  dollars  a  keg,  and  pony 
up  for  tue  broken  glasses.  You  can  get  it  cheaper  than  that,  but  we 
get  the  best,  and  have  the  use  of  the  hall  to  boot." 

Mr.  J  1m  ChunK  was  surveying  the  "  hall"  once  more,  as  well  as  he 
ould  for  the  floating  clouds  of  smoke,  when  he  heard  a  shrill  crow  near 
him  :— 

Hi-i-yi !  fellers !  Here's  Patsy  the  Noose,  with  a  full-grown  ca-root 
a3  big  as  life." 

"  Feller  Waffleses  !"  exclaimed  Patsy  the  News,  waving  the  red  com- 
forter which  he  had  removed  from  his  neck.  V  I  beg  to  say  to  the  Vice- 
president  and  this  associa  is  the  Vice-president  iu  the  chair?" 

"  Yes,  yes.    Heave  ahead !    idling  out  yer  slack!" 

'•Order,  ciarn  yer  eyes  !"  cried  a  voice  from  some  invisible  personage 
who  was  thumping  the  further  table  wi  h  a  beer  mug. 

Mr.  John  Chunk  strained  diis  eyes  in  the  direction,  and,  through  the 

smooth  clouds  rolling  dun.''  caught  a  faint  glimpse  of  a  youngster 
perched  upon  the  back  of  a  chair  with  his  feet  in  the  seat. 

•'Order!  !"  repeated  this  young  official  with  a  thump  on  the  table 
that  went  near  to  demolishing  the  mug. 

"  Mister  Vice,"  proceeded  Patsy  theNews.in  true  parliamentary  style, 
"  though  the  gentleman  as  I  have  the  honor  of  accompanying  me  is  not 
reg'iarly  and  straightforwardly  speaking,  a  recruit,  as  Jack  Timpson 
Bays,  I  take  great  pleasure,  to  be  sure,  in  mterdoocing  the  gentleman  to 
this  Association— as  has  been  spoke  of  before  to  this  Association  by  the 
honorable  president  of  this  Association  as  that  bright,  parue'lar  star, — 
the  buzzuin  friend  of  his  heart,— Mr  John  Chunk." 

At  every  successive  phrase  of  this  short  but  glowing  oration,  the  be- 
wilderment and  confusion  of  good  John  Chunk  increased,  and  when 
the  diininative  ini  tiator  took  him  by  the  hmd  to  lead  him  forward  into 
the  mist,  through  which  the  Sociables,  with  glowing  cigars,  showed 
faintly  like  grotesque  demons,  his  bewilderment  changed  into  a  panic 
and  he  would  have  fled,  but  that  several  of  the  members  had  surround- 
ed him,  and  he  had  lost  all  idea  of  the  direction  in  which  the  door 
lay. 

"  Hi— yi !  A  Junk  !  A  Junk  !"  rang  from  the  smoke  on  all  sides. 

"  Order  I"  exclaimed  the  semi-iu visible  Mr.  Vice  from  his  perch,  de- 
molishing his  fragile  gavel  with  one  tremendous  blow  on  the  table. 

M  Open  the  windows  !"  he  cried  theatricaly.  "Let  out  the  smoke  that 
we  may  see  our  guest !   Fetch  me  a  new  mug,  and  dish  the  lager  !" 

The  window  was  opened  and  the  cold  air  rushed  in  and  the  smoke 
struggled  out. 

The  young  representative  of  Gambrinus  in  command  of  the  beer 
barrel  bestirred  himself,  aided  by  several  self-supplying  volunteers,  in 
replenishing  the  glasses. 

"  Order  ! '  exclaimed  Mr.  Vice,  as  soon  as  the  air  was  clear  enough  to 
see  across  the  table.  u  Order  I"  lie  cried  standing  erect  in  his  chair,  and 
using  his  heel  for  a  gavel,  this  time.  •*  Now  I  seize  with  pleasure,"  he 
said,  with  a  flourish  of  h;s  glass  of  beer,  "  wTith  pleasure,  sir,  this  favor- 
able opportunity  of  welcoming  to  our  social  board, — I  beg  pardon,  bro- 
ther Waffleses — our  Sociab.es'  board — a  gentleman  so  distinguished  in.— 
in — whatever  business  he  is  engaged  at — as  Mister — as  Mister— a--'* 
Jfl  Junk  I  Junk  1"  prompted  a  dozea  voices, 


so 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


u  As  Mister  Junk.  Anything  to  the"  sailor  feller  in  the  play,  sir* 
Jack  Junk,  I  mean  f  Floating  Beacon,  you  know ;  you've  seen  it  at 
the  Bowery.  No.  Hardly  thought  you  was.  Merely  asked  for  im- 
formation.  "Well,  brother  Waffleses,  to  you  I  speak.  Let  every  Waf- 
fles, with  anew  cigar  in  his  teeth,  and  a  fresh  glaw  of  lager  in  his  left, 
extend  the  right  hand  of  fellership  to  our  new  friend  and  brother,  John 
Junk  !" 

*'  Hooray  !  hooray  !"  cried  two  or  three. 

"Si-lence!  till  1  give  the  word  !"  thundered  Mr.  Vice,  stamping  on 
the  table.  "  Now,  all  ready — lungs  full — chests  thrown  out  and  mouths 
wide  opeu.  Now,  three  cheers  and  a  tiger,  for  the  bright  partic'lar 
star,  Will  Waffles's  friend — John  Chunk  !  Hip,  hip,  hooray  !  hooray  ! 
Tiger!" 

And  that  tiger  was  a  terrific  arrangement,  making  the  recipient  of 
the  honor,  who  had  be;  ore  this  faced  the  waves  of  the  ocean  ai  d 
the  storms  of  the  heavens  fearlessly,  tremble  in  his  shoes. 

"Take  a  wet!"  cried  the  Bacchus  of  evening,  pushing  a  mug  of 
the  foaming  beverage  under  the  newly  initiated  member's  nose. 

"  Yes,  pitch  into  it,  and  don't  be  afraid,"  cried  Patsy  the  News, 
**  for  they'll  have  no  mercy  on  your  fee  by  and  by  when  it  comes." 

"What — what?"  cried  the  Vice,  who  had  descended  from  his  dig- 
nified perch  and  approached  the  bewildered  John  Chunk.  "Have 
you  no  more  taste  then  to  speak  of  fees  before  the  new  member  has 
hung  up  his  hat?  You're  welcome  John  Chunk.  Hang  yer  pot  metal 
on  this  peg  and  make  yerself  at  home.  Sociables  is  our  name  and  Socia- 
bles is  our  nature,  ain't  it  Patsy."  * 

"  You  bet,"  said  Patsy. 

"  Take  a  seat,  John  Chunk." 

It  was  certainly  a  laughable  sight  to  see  the  fat,  manly  face  of  John 
Chunk  as  he  turned  in  bewilderment  from  one  to  other  of  the  bold 
youthful,  bright-eyed  faces  that  surrounded  him. 

For,  notwithstanding  the  license  of  indulgence  that  these  young  Arabs, 
took  to  themselves,  their  out-door  life  and  exposure  in  all  weathers,  hau 
given  them  strong  constitutions  and  great  powers  of  endurance. 

"I  have  not  time  to  sit,  my  boys,"  said  John  Chunk,  endeavoring  by 
the  use  of  the  last  two  words  to  appease  his  manly  conscience  for  fra- 
ternizing with  these  pigmy  sociables.  "I  came  here  on  business  that 
has  been  before  explained  to  you  ;  I  am  ready  and  willing  to  as-ist  you 
in  carrying  that  business  through  to  the  best  of  my  power  and  ability." 

"  Hear  him  1  Hear !  Hear !  Hear  him  1"  yelled  the  Sociables,  in  wild 
chorus. 

John  Chunk  looked  about  him  in  feverish  nervousness,  and  fanned 
himself  with  his  tarpaulin. 

44  Go  on,  go  on !  Let's  hear  from  you !"  cried  the  Wafllescs.  •*  Rip 
H  out  old  top." 

Thus  encouraged,  Mr.  Chunk  moistened  his  lips  with  his  tongue,  and 
wRh  a  bow  like  a  Chinese  mandarin,  addressed  the  re-perched  Mr.  Vice 
in  this  remarkable  and  original  phrase: — 

u  Mr.  Cha  rinan — unaccustomed  as  I  am  to  public  speaking  " 

"  Oh  blow  the  public  speaking  1  Sling  us  a  speech  !"  cried  a  Waffle- 
Bonian  with  his  heels  en  the  mantel-piece. 

M  We  don't  want  nothin'  public  ;  give's  yer  private  opinion  o'  things 
in  general,"  exclaimed  another  who  seemed  to  be  endeavoring  to  stand 
on  his  head  to  let  his  heels  see  themselves  in  the  looking-glass. 
"  Order  1"  roaied  the  Vice.    "  Heave  ahead,  John  Junk  1" 
"Go  in  P  exclaimed  Patsy  the  News,  slapping  the  bewildered  novitt 


'r'  WIlL  'WAFFLES.  .91 

"  *.  _  f- 

ate  on  the  back.  "They  ain't  used  to  hifalutin— give  it  to  them  bare- 
footed!" 

44  I  was  about  to  remark  that  before  1  was  horrified  by  seeing  thia 
rough  scene,  I  " 

«  Oh— o — o— oh— o !"  groaned  the  Sociables  denouncingly. 

"Unparliamentary  1"  cried  the  gentleman  at  the  mantle- piece. 

•'Let  the  gentleman  keep  on  his  gloves,"  exclaimed  another. 

"  Draw  it  mild,  mister,"  recommended  the  gymnast. 
Order  you  yelpers !"  bellowed  Mr.  Vice.   M  Go  on,  brother  Junk ; 
dish  it  up  in  your  own  shupe." 

"  That,"  said  Chunk,  speaking  very  rapidly  and  very  hotly,  "  that  be- 
fore I  came  here  " 

«  Thai's  better." 

*  Order  1" 

"  I  had  formed  a  friendship,— I  might  say  affection  " 

"  Well,  darn  it,  say  it  then." 

"For the  youthful  and  eccentric  William  Waffles,  president  of  this— 
this  association,"  said  John  Chunk  with  a  gulp. 

44  Hear !  Hear !  Three  times  three,  and  a  ring-tailed  roarer  for  Will 
Waffles  1"  cried  the  gymnast,  enthusiastically,  and  they  gave  them, 
ring-tail  and  all. 

But  the  ringing  tale  that  the  roaring  told  in  the  bar-room,  brought 
the  fat,  frousy  landlord  to  expostulate. 

41  Mit  the  young  gen-lmense.  If  dye'd  mak'  shoost  a  leetle  less 
noyse,  or  fear  de  neyborse  might  sent  in  the  bolicemans,  etc." 

But  the  peace-loving  law  abidur  was  forced  to  beat  an  inglorious  re- 
treat before  a  fragrant  shower  of  fireworks  in  the  shape  of  cigar-butts ; 
and  the  vice-president  proposed,  that  the  business  of  the  meeting 
should  proceed,  and  the  business  of  the  meeting  may  be  epitomized 
thus : 

Mr.  Chunk  reminded  the  assembled  Sociability  that  Will  Waffles  that 
night  stood  in  need  of  the  co-operation  of  the  gentlemen  present  in  his 
own  peculiar  style ;  poetically  stating  that  the  honored  president  of  the 
Waffleses,  whom  he  had  the  honor  to  represent,  expected  every  Waf- 
fles that  night  to  do  his  duty,  and  the  Waffleses  pledged  themselves  in 
flowing  mugs  not  to  disappoint  the  expectations  of  the  honorable  presi- 
dent 

Then  Mr.  Chunk  further  informed  them  that  the  interests  of  the 
honorable  president  called  him  fi*om  them  in  another  direction,  but 
that,  when  he  had  found  the  man  for  whom  he  sought,  (a  most  im- 
portant thing  for  the  interests  aforesaid,)  he  should  rejoin  them  at  the 
gr:ind  rendezvous  agreed  upon. 

Then,af ter  long  and  fierce  opposition  it  was  carried  that  Mr.  Chunk's 
initiatory  keg  of  lager  should  be  laid  over  until  they  should  44  meet  in 
happier  times,  where  the  woodbine  twineth,"  had  Will  Waffles  should 
be  there  to  do  the  honors. 

,  They  then  gave  three  cheers  for  the  new  member. 

The  meeting  broke  up,  and  John  Chunk  went  on  his  way  with  a 
strangely  mixed-up  opinion  of  the  44  Waffles  Sociables." 


92 


XT  ILL  WAFFLED 


CHAPTER  XIX 


THE  1IIDXIGHT  HOUB — BIRDS  OF  PREY. 

f 

Father  Tnns  in  his  flight  was  rapidly  approaching  "  that  hour  of 
night's  black  arch  the  keystone,"  when  Walt  Punkley  and  his  pal, 
Tim  the  dancer,  having  listened  to  the  faint  growing  echoes  of  a  po- 
liceman's tread,  flitted  across  the  avenue  and  dived  into  the  dark  area 
of  an  empty  house  adjoining  that  in  which  Jonas  Coincraft  re- 
sided. 

Between  them  they  dragged  a  half-resisting  man,  who  tottered  as  he 
went. 

"  Don't  let  your  hand  off  him,  Tim,"  whispered  Punkley,  as  they 
stood  beneath  the  high  stoop  before  the  basement  door,  14  Hold  him 
till  I  get  in." 

A  very  few  seconds  did  it  take  the  expert  burglar  to  spring  the  lock 
and  throw  open  the  door,  and  the  three  entered  the  dark,  empty- 
sounding  passage.    Punkley  closing  the  door  behind  them. 

41  Come,  let  us  get  to  a  back  room  and  light  the  glims.  It's  risky  here, 
the  cops  may  spot  us  " 

Catching  the  man  who  seemed  an  unwilling  partcipant  in  the  affair 
by  the  arm,  he  felt  his  way  along  the  hall  and  into  an  inner  store-room. 
Here  he  struck  a  match,  and  as  the  ghastly  light  of  its  sulphury  blaze 
fell  upon  the  1  Tightened  face  of  the  man  held  by  Tim.  The  burglar 
gave  a  savage  growl  of  contempt. 

The  man  was,  indeed,  a  wretched  looking  creature — most  apparently 
unfit  for  any  undertaking  requiring  nerve  and  self-possession. 

The  figure  was  bent,  as  if  from  weakness  and  cringing  fear  com- 
bined. The  face  was  overspread  by  a  sallow  paleness  ;  and  the  fright- 
ened, restless  eyes  glittered  feverishly.  One  hand  was  bandaged  in 
dirty  cloths,  and  the  fingers  of  the  other  opened  and  shut  ner- 
vously. 

"  Look  you  here,  Red  Dan  !"  said  Walt  Punkley  through  his  teotn 
in  a  grating  undertone,  after  he  had  lit  the  two  dark  lanterns.  "  You 
see  this  seven-shooter  ?  Now,  none  of  your  white-livered  pranks,  you 

know,  don't  you  try  to  play  hyena  on  me,  or  by  you'll  get  the  full 

benefit  of  them  chambers." 

44 1  ain't  goin'  to  play  on  you,"  said  Red  Dan,  in  a  shaky  way,  "  but  I 
wish  you  could  a'  done  the  job  without  me." 

44  What  is  there  above  ?"  asked  Punkley,  not  heeding  his  wish. 

"  Nothing.    Empty  as  a  barn." 

"  Then  above  be  it.  I  want  to  be  here  as  short  a  time  as  possible, 
and  as  short  a  time  in  there.  Tim,  you  keep  one  of  the  darkies  and 
have  the  escape  clear  if  we  should  had  to  scoot  it.    Here,  Dan,  here's 

the  skeletons,  take  the  lantern  and  lead  the  way.    D  n  it  man  IV 

he  cried  fiercely  as  Red  Dan's  trembling  hand  touched  his,  44  what  are 
you  in  such  a  cur.ed  sliver  about?  Can't  you  brace  up  for  to-night,  and 
you'll  have  enough  to  retire  on  for  the  remainder  of  your  miserable 
life?" 

With  an  inarticulate  murmur  the  man  took  the  light  and  led  the  way 
up  a  dark  flight  of  stairs.  A  door  at  the  top  stayed  their  progress.  The 


WILL  WAFFLES. 


delay  was  but  of  a  second's  duration,  however,  for,  while  Red  Dan  was 
fumbling  at  it  with  a  bunch  of  keys,  his  impatient  companion  put  his 
foot  against  it  and  burst  it  open.  The  noise  reverberated  through  the 
empty  house  and  they  paused  and  shaded  the  light  for  a  while  before 
they  proceeded  through  the  hall, and  up  another  crea-king  pair  of  stairs. 

"  How  many  flights  are  there  ?"  whisperered  Punkley. 

"  Three,  I  think,'"  answered  the  other  in  the  same  tone,  "  that  is  be- 
sides the  cock-loft  ladder.  The  houses  arCjust  the  same,  but  its  a  long 
lime  sinee  I  was  in  either.  There  should  be  twenty  steps  in  this  stair 
I'll  count  them  to  make  sure." 

He  descended  and  le-ascended,  carefully  counting — bis  companion 
witli  the  revolver  and  tools  standing  at  the  head. 

"  All  right !"  said  Red  Dan,  "  I  remember  the  number  well,  for  it  was. 
well  impressed  upon  my  mind." 

•'  jSeyer  mind  your  remembrances,"  said  Punkley  impatiently,  "  Lead 
me  to  this  cock-loft,  as  you  cail  it,  and  be  quick  about  it." 

lied  Dan  led  the  way  in  silence  to  the  next  story,  and  going  up  a 
nearly  perpendicular  *  ladder,  he  pushed  up  a  hatch  in  the  ceiling 
of  the  landing,  and,  after  turn  ng  the  light  full  on  to  scrutenize  the 
place  above,  he  dragged  himself  up  through  the  scuttle. 

"  Punkley  handed  him  the  tools  and  then  followed. 

It  was  a  dusty,  unused  little  loft,  formed  by  the  pitch  of  the  roof, 
which  slanted  to  the  floor  at  either  side,  leaving  head  room  only  in  the 
centre. 

There  were  a  couple  of  flat  roof  sashes  on  the  outside.  On  these 
the  frozen  snow  lomied  a  crystaline  curtain  off  which  the  lamp  rays 
sparkled. 

*•  Now,"  said  Punkley. 

"  There.  Cut  there,''  said  Dan,  pointing  to  the  centre  of  the  wall 
between  them  and  Coincraft's  house. 

Punkley  seized  the  malle*.  and  a  chisel,  and  stooped,  about  to  strike 
the  wall,  when  Dan  nervously  stopped  him. 

"  I'm  afraid  of  my  life  you'll  be  heard,"  he  said  with  a  shiver,  "  Don't 
you  think  you'd  better  try  it  in  the  old  way  by  one  of  the  doors  or 
windows?" 

"  No,  you  fool,  I  want  to  hide  my  tracks  that  he  may  get  all  the 
^!ame.  The  doors  and  windows  are  more  carefully  barred  than  those 
of  a  jail.    The  mallet's  muffled,  how  should  they  hear  us  ?" 

"Well,  I  suppose  I  may  go  below,  nOw  V  said  Red  Dan. 

"  You  may,  may  you,"  cried  the  other  turning  savagely  upon  him. 
14  You  have  one  of  your  shivering  fits  on  and  want  tl  desert  me.  Let 
aie  see  you  move  a  foot  and  I'll  dash  your  miserable  brains  out  with 
the  mallet!" 

The  man  cowered  before  him,  but  said  nothing,  and'  the  burglar 
commenced  to  work.  Under  the  strokes  of  the  chisel  the  plaster  fell 
off  iu  large  flakes,  and  soon  a  circular  patch  of  bricks,  a  yard  in  diama- 
ter  was  laid  bare.  Then,  selecting  a  long,  thin  chisel,  he  proceeded 
slowly  and  patiently,  with  the  skill  of  a  practised  hand,  to  dig  out  the 
mortar  around  one  "of  the  upper  bricks. 

At  last  it  was  loosened  and  fell  to  the  floor  with  a  noise  that  made 
the  men  start  and  listen  until  the  echoii  had  died  away. 

44  Mustn't  let  that  happen  again,"  said  frimkley  pulling  off  his  coat 
and  spreading  it  on  the  floor.  "  As  the  wall  gets  thinner  they'll  be 
able  to  hear  in  the  next  crib.  Here,  take  the  bricks  from  me  and 
pile  them  out  of  the  way.  We  must  have  a  clear  track  f qi  fear  of  ac- 
cident 


>j4  Will  waffles. 

IThe  work  now  progressed  rapidly.  Red  Dan  kneeling  and  assisting, 
\3  brick  after  brick  was  sprung  out  of  its  place  and  handed  to  him. 
Larger  and  deeper  grew  the  aperture,  and  at  last  Punkley  paused  and 
tapping  the  back  of  it  with  the  handel  of  his  chisel,  said : 
"  Last  ihickness,  now  comes  the  tug." 

Red  Dan  cast  tiie  dise  of  light  strongly  upon  the  spot  where  Punk- 
ley  directed,  and  the  burglar  proceeded,  as  carefully  and  noiselessly  as 
a  sculptor,  to  loosen  a  brick  in  the  only  remaining  barrier. 

The  silence  was  unbroken,  except  by  the  light,  muffled  tops  of  the 
mallet  and  the  heavy  breathing  of  the  men  rendered  more  audible  by 
the  attempt  at  suppression. 

Even  Punkley,  with  all  his  nerve,  found  his  heart  beat  quicker  and 
his  hand  tremble. 

41  Ready  1"  he  whispered,  "  Darken  the  light  I" 

With  clattering  teeth  and  trembling  hands  Red  Dan  turned  the 
Bhade  on  the  lantern,  and  they  were  in  total  darkness. 

Carefully — carefully  Punkley  removed  the  brick  and  felt  the  rush 
of  cold  air  from  one  house  to  the  other,  through  the  aperture,  but  all 
was  blackness  beyond. 

He  put  his  ear  to  the  opening  and  listened ;  there  was  no  sound,  but 
Buddenly  he  heard  a  noise  coming  from  the  darkness  of  the  hatch- way 
behind  him,  and  seized  a  cro»vbar  from  the  floor. 

Red  Dan  had  heard  it  too,  and  clutched  his  companion  by  the  arm 
with  shaking  hand. 

44  Turn  up  the  light,  quick  I"  cried  Punkley,  savagely,  under  his 
breath. 

But  his  comrade  either  could  not  or  would  not  obey  him,  and,  with 
a  curse,  the  burglar  grappled  in  the  darkness,  seized  the  lantern  and 
turned  on  the  light. 

There  was  nothing  visible. 

He  rushed  to  the  scuttle,  and  bent  to  listen.  All  was  silent  below. 
He  gave  a  low  tremulous  whistle,  which  after  a  moment's  silence  was 
answered  from  the  darkness,  away  down  the  stairs.  At  the  same  time 
a  rush  of  mice  across  the  ceiling  beneath  his  knees  broke  the  stillness, 
and  he  turned  back  to  his  work  with  a  contemptous  :— 

44  Pooh  1  Nothing  but  mice  1" 

The  rest  of  the  bricks  were  rapidly  removed  in  darkness  and  silence. 
44  All  right  P  he  whispered,  ,4  Uive  me  the  glim,  take  a  crow  and  fol- 
low me-' 

Taking  the  lantren  from  the  shaking  hand  of  his  companion,  he 
carefully  turned  back  the  slide  and  let  the  light  stream  through  the 
hole,  into  the  space  beyond. 

It  was  a  loft  like  the  one  in  which  they  were — and  empty, 
i  44  Come!"  he  said,and  stealthily  as  two  wolves,the  housebreakers  crept 
through,  and  stood  erect  on  the  other  side. 

And  almost  at  the  same  moment  Patsy  the  News  and  Mr.  Vice  stood 
upon  the  floor  they  had  left,  and  the  goodly  visage  of  John  Chunk, 
appeared  in  the  trap  hole  like  a  rising  moon. 


WILL  WAFFLKS. 


CHAPTER  XX 


GAMES  AND  COUNTER  GAMES — GRAND  FINALE. 

Mrs.  Kate  Coddle  and  Mrs  Meg  Merry  Lee9  still  sat  at  this  late  hour 
in  the  comfortable  kitchen  of  the  Coincraft  mansion.  Rebecca,  worn 
out  with  waiting  on  them,  had  retired,  and  left  them  hob-nobbing  over 
their  tea-cups. 

History  has  not  recorded,  and  heaven  only  know,  how  often  that 
friendship-furnishing,  peace-promoting  tea-pot  had  been  replinished  on 
that  important  night 

Tis  said  the  earth-grasp  of  the  oak  is  strengthened  by  the  storm, 
whose  wrath  casts  weaker  trees  prostrate,  so,  comparing  great  things  to 
little,  was  it  with  the  friendship  of  those  two  worthy  ladies. 

Never  had  their  minds  been  so  fully  opened,  never  had  their  big 
hearts  gone  so  generously  fourth  to  each  other,  as  since  the  ever  mem- 
orable battle  of  the  bottles. 

Strong  tea  is,  in  itself  a  great  pacifier—*  wonderful  social  agent — 
but  Rebeccas's  retirement  had  been  the  signal  for  Mrs.  Coddles's  pro- 
ducing from  her  pocket  a  flask,  the  contents  of  which  she  significantly 
hinted  was  excellent  for  making  tea,  "  take  a  strong  hold  on  the  ninth 
water,"  and  under  the  influence  of  the  compound  beverage,  the  goodly 
faces  of  the  twain  blossomed  into  smiles,  and  their  nimble  lips  dropped 
rippling  eloquence. 

There  was  a  sudden  interruption  caused  by  their  hearing.or  thinking 
they  heard, a  noise  up  stairs. 

It  was  not  repeated,  but  this  gave  Kate  a  hint  that  it  was  about  time 
she  paid  a  visit  to  the  sick  chamber  to  see  how  her  patient  and  his 
watcher  were  getting  on. 

She  returned  in  a  few  minutes  to  report  that  they  were  all  quiet, 
that  the  doctor  was  there,  too,  and  that  Will  Waffles  was  seeping 
like  an  angel,  Heaven  preserve  him  I  with  a  great  ugly  thing  like  a 
cannon  in  his  arms. 

This  news  started  the  maternal  fears  of  Meg,  and  she  insisted  on  ac- 
companying her  triend  back  to  see  to  the  safety  of  her  protege. 

So  up  they  went,  hut  they  stopped  in  astonishment,  midway  on  the 
stairs,  to  see  the  door  of  the  sick  room  cautiously  opened  and  the  figure 
of  a  man  visible  by  the  low  burning  light. 

u  God  be  good  to  us !"  breathed  Mrs  Kate  in  her  friend's  ear,  as  she 
clutched  her  by  the  arm.  44  It's  Mr.  Oscar  1  How  did  he  get  in,  or 
what  does  he  want?" 

The  man  had  evidently  not  heard  their  footsteps  on  the  soft  stair- 
carpet,  and  was  too  intent  upon  the  scene  within  the  room,  to  notice 
the  very  feeble  camphene  light  that  guided  them,  and  Kate  immedi- 
ately blew  it  out  on  seeing  him. 

After  a  short  pause  he  entered,  leaving  the  door  ajar.  His  actions 
were  stealthy  and  cat-like,  and  the  womans  curiosity  of  the  watchers 
was  fully  aroused. 


96 


will  Baffles'. 


"  There's  something  bad  going  on,  Mrs.  Lees,"  whispered  Kate,  "and 
I'm  bound  to  see  it  out." 

They  crept  up  stealthily  to  the  door,  and  Kate  applied  her  eye  to  the 
keyhole. 

The  joung  man  was  standing  with  hi9  back  to  the  door,  gazing  from 
the  corpsi-liKe  form  of  Hadley  in  the  chair  to  the  heavy  breathing  old 
man  in  bed. 

"  Curse  the  fellow  !"  he  hissed  through  his  clenched  teeth,  "  he  has 
done  as  he  threatened;  he  has  spared  the  old  dotard  and  poisoned  him- 
self.   But  I  am  prepared  for  that.    I  will  not  be  foiled." 

He  took  something  from  his  pocket  an' I  Kate  had  to  desert  the  key- 
hole, and  put  her  head  wholly  in  the  door  to  follow  his  next  action. 

"  This,"  he  said,  pouring  some  drops  from  a  vial  into  the  drink  that 
the  nurse  hnd  placed  reaoy  to  the  sick  man's  hand,  "  th;s  will  settle  it. 
"What  care  I  for  traceless  poisons?  When  this  deed  is  discovered  there 
sits  the  culprit,  condemned  by  his  own  self-destruction, — the  reasons 
palpable — revenge  and  fear  of  justice — murder  and  suicide." 

Powers  preserve  us,"  gasped  Kate  Coddle  over  her  shoulder.  "It's 
murder  he  means.  Keep  yer  eye  on  the  thief  of  the  world,  Meg,  and  be 
as  mute  as  a  mouse,  till  I  run  down  to  the  door  and  call  the  policeman 
off  the  beat." 

The  stout  body  hurried  away  and  Meg  took  her  post  of  observation. 
Mifflin  threw  the  vial,  uncorked  as  it  was,  on  the  carpet  at  Hadley's 
feet. 

"  There  !"  he  said,  "  when  I  get  my  hands  on  the  cursed  papers  who 
can  dispute  my  right  but  the  girl,  Rebecca?  And  she  can  only  share  it. 
Who  will  suspect  the  next  of  kin  of  having  aught  to  do  with  this  hor- 
ror? Let  me  see — the  precious  documents  lie  here, — in  the  strong-box 
on  the  bureau." 

He  crossed,  and  taking  out  keys,  laid  his  hand  on  an  iron-bound,  ob- 
long box  of  dark  wood.  But  the  bureau  stood  near  the  sofa,  and  just 
as  he  wa3  applying  the  key  to  the  lock  his  attention  was  attracted  by 
Will  Waffles'  heavy  breathing,  unheard  before  in  the  still  louder  sound 
made  by  the  asthmatic  patient. 

He  started  forward  and  gazed  down  at  the  sleeping  boy — then  with 
an  involuntary,  audible  curse,  he  drew  a  knife  and  raised  it  above 
him. 

The  sight  of  the  glittering  weapon  was  too  much  for  Meg  Merry  Lees, 
and,  with  a  loud  scream,  she  sprang  up  and  was  about  to  rush  to  the 
protection  of  her  darling,  when  a  cloth  was  thrown  over  her  head  and 
she  was  pulled  on  her  back  on  the  hall  floor. 

She  looked  up  and  saw  a  savage  looking  man  above  her  with  his  knee 
on  her  breast  and  a  knife  raised. 

"  Another  such  yelp  as  that,"  he  growled,  "  and  I'll  slit  your  weazand 
from  ear  to  ear !" 

With  surprising  dexterity  he  slipped  a  loop  of  cord  over  her  wrists, 
drew  it  painfully  tight  and  left  her  helpless. 

On  hearing  the  cry  of  the  woman  Miffl.n  turned  savagely  and  sprang 
toward  the  room  door,  knife  in  hand,  but  was  confronted  on  the  thres^ 
hold  by  Walt  Punkley  and  Red  Dan, 

One  short  pause  of  astonishment  and  he  threw  himself  upon  the  bur- 
glar, exclaiming  savagely. 

"  Curse  you,  what  brings  you  here  ?" 

In  pure  self-defence  Punkley  struck  the  knife  from  his  hand  and  fell- 
ed him  to  the  floor  with  the  crow. 


WILL   WAFFLES-  97 

Quick,  Dan  !"  he  cried.   "The  strong  box  on  the  bureau  !  Quick T 
Red  Dan  sprang  toward  it,  but  Will  Waffles  startled  by  the  tumult 

staggered  to  his  feet,  gun  in  hand,  dizzy  and  bewildered,  levelled 

and  tired  at  the  dimly  seen  figures,  exclaiming : — 
4l  Bull's  eye!   Three  shots  for  fivejcents!   How's  that  for  a  shoot- 

istr 

With  a  deep  groan  R«d  Dan  fell  forward,  clutching  the  arm  of  Had- 
ley'>  chair,  and  remaining  in  a  kneeling  position,  with  his  head  dropped 
on  the  knee  of  the  man,  who,  awakened  from  his  torpor,  gazed  at  the 
bent  figure  in  wild  astonishment. 

Will  Waffles  barely  waiting  to  see  the  effect  of  his  shot,  and  unheed* 
ing  tlie  wild  cries  of  Jonas  Coincraft,  clubbed  the  blunderbuss,  and 
rushed  upon  Walt  Punkley. 

"  Back,  you  infernal  brat  I  cried  the  burglar,  drawing  the  revolver, 
but  retread. ;g  backward  toward  the  door.  -4  Back !  or  I'll  blow  the 
head  orf  you!" 

"  Blow  and  be  blowed  !"  cried  the  excited  boy,  recklessly  advancing,  while  Had- 
iey  sprang  to  his  side  to  pull  him  back. 

"  Then  you  will  have  it !"  cried  Puukley,  savagely,  levelling  the  pistol,  and  pulling; 
the  trigger,  but  at  that  moment  it  was  stricken  from  his  grasp  by  a  cudgel  in  trie 
hands  of  John  Chunk,  and  that  worthy  gentleman  rushed  forward,  followed  in  heavy 
order  by  the  Waffles  .Brigade,  armed  with  all  sorts  of  weapons,  from  a  base-bail  Dat 
to  a  paving-stone. 

"  i.ooray  !  The  Waffleses  to  the  rescue  I"  yelled  Patsy  the  News,  with  a  flourish 
of  his  stick,  and  the  brigade  echoed  the  cry  w  ith  ten  horse  power. 

Punkley  made  a  desperate  rush  for  the  door,  but  was  seized  and  handcuffed  by  * 
policeman,  aidedjby  Kate  Coddle  and  the  liberated  Meg  Merry  Lees. 

Mifflin  had  arisen  from  the  floor,  and,  in  a  wild,  frightened  manner,  pointed  to 
Hadley. 

44  Take  that  man,  too,  offker  !"  he  gasped,  44  They  are  accomplices.  They  tried  to 
murder  my  uncle  and  rob  the  house." 

Hadley  stood  aghast,  but,  with  a  roar  like  a  wild  bea*t,  Punkley  tried  to  break 
loose,  and  get  at  the  accuser. 

"  It's  a  lie,  it's  hiaself.  Take  him,"  cried  Kate.  "  I  saw  him  put  the  poison  in  the 
cup,  as  sure  as  my  name's  Kate  Coddle." 

At  this  point,  Red  Dan,  with  a  loud  groan,  released  his  hold  on  the  chair,  and  rolled 
to  the  floor.  Will  Waffles  ran  toward  him,  and  was  joined  by  Meg  and  some  of  tho 
boys. 

"  It's  a  conspiracy— a  lie  !  '  ga?ped  Oscar  Mifflin,  wildly.  44 1  tell  you,  there  stands 
the  poisoner.  Hecaine  here  for  that  purpose.  This  girl,  my  cousin,  and  the  nurse 
herself,  heard  his  threats  of  vengeance  against  Jouas  Coincraft  for  the  loss  of  his 
c,  ild  and  the  death  of  hie  wife.  His  name  is  neither  Hadley  nor  Stonely.  He  is 
R. chard  York   who  eloped  with  this  old  man's  daughter  1" 

"Richard  York!  '  croaked  the  old  man,  starting  up  in  the  bed, 

"  Richard  York!'  gasped  Red  Dan.  wildly. 

44  Richard  York!  '  exclaimed  John  Chunk,  pushing  forward  to  gaze  at  the  man's 
paleface.  4- By  the  big  boot,  and  to  it  is!  Don't  you  know  me?  I'm  John  Chunk, 
that  saved  you  fiom  the  wreck,  off  the  Lndrones." 

Richard  York  started  forward  and  grasped  the  fat  hand  in  agitated  silence. 

41  Come!1  said  the  officer. 

"Stay  one  minute,"  said  Punkley.  44 1  suppose  I'm  going  to  retire  from  public 
life  for  a  while,  and  I  want  to  set  th.ngs  straight  before  1  leave.  That  devil's  pup 
that  shot  my  pal,  and  tried  to  smash  me,  that  Will  Waffles,  is  the  son  ot  this  Richard 
York,  and  this  old  man's  daughter,  that  they've  been  looking  for  so  long." 


▼  ILL  WAFFLES. 


A  cry  of  astonishment  burst  from  the  crowd. 

"  It's  a  falsehood!"  cried  Mifflin. 

"  I've  got  the  document  to  prove  it,"  cried  Punkley. 

"I've  got  it,  you  mean  "  exclaimed  John  Chunk,  holding  up  Punkley's  coat  In  ot»« 
hand,  and  the  stained  letter  in  the  other.  "  Here's  the  paper.  I  coulc  n't  find  the 
mau,  Will,  but  here's  his  dying  deposition  given  at  Bellevue  Hospital,  and  signed 
Daniel  Coddle." 

"  Daniel  Coddle!'  screamed  Kate  in  a  hysterical  manner.   '* He's  dead— he's  been 
dead  this  man  .  a  year. 
"Kate!  Kute!"  came  a  guttural  gasp  from  the  floor. 

"  Why,  that  s  the  man  that  died  at  the  hospital,"  said  the  puzzled  John  Chunk. 

"Oh,  Meg!  Meg!"  cried  Kate,  throwing  herself  into  her  friend's  arms,  41  it  s  my 
de^r  Dan,  that  was  shipwrecked  goin'  to  Buffalo!" 

*  Kate,"  gasped  the  man,  "forgive  me;  I'm  a  goner  this  time.  It  is  true  what 
Walt,  says.  I  took  the  child  and  left  it  on  the  street.  Jonas  Coincraft  hired  me  to 
steal  it,  and  I  didn  t  know  how  else  to  git  rid  of  it  unless  I— killed  it— anul  couldn  t 
do  that,  Kate— I  couldn  t  do  it." 

"Th  child  warn  t  so  easy  on  you,  poor  fellow,"  said  Will  Waffle-s,  as  tha  man'g 
head  dropped  on  his  knee  with  relaxed  jaw,  and  the  eyes  glazed  in  death. 

There  is  no  need  to  linger  on  my  story;  to  hose  who  have  followed  it  thtw  far  the 
interest  has  culminated.  I 

"  So  you're  to  be  my  dad.  and  I  talking  all  along  like  a  father  to  said  Will,  as 
Hichard  York  effectionately  embraced  him. 

Richard  York  gave  a  deep  sigh,  but  Will  resumed  in  his  usual  manner: 

"And  to  think  I  was  jest  as  near  pepperin'  your  diagram  as  his'n  when  I  first  took 
my  fowlin'  piece  and  went  a-shootin'  night-hawks.  And  to  think  old  (butter-toes  and 
beilows-lungs  is  my  grand  pop,  no  less.   Say,  fellers/how's  this  for  high  ?" 

The  Waffleses  expressed  their  appreciation  of  the  highness  of  the  situation  in  their 
usual  manner— by  giving  three-times-three,  and  a  tiger,  ringtailed  roarer  and  all,  to 
the  mortal  terror  of  Jonas  Coincraft  and  the  alarm  of  the  neighborhood. 

'■  John  Chunk!"  said  Will  slapping  his  hand  into  the  fat  one  of  his  friei  d  and  ally, 
"John  Chunk,  you're  a  square  cornered  brick,  and  if  you  have  no  objections,  Jemr 
ma  Jane— the  Countess  Crystalina  is  the  female  child  that'll  be  Godblessed  along 
with  Will  Waffles." 

So  our  hero  was  regularly  acknowledged  as  the  grandson  and  favored  heir  o*  Jonas 
Coincraft.  Walt.  Punkley  was  sent  back  to  his  old  re-i  idence  upon  the  Hudson,  but 
he  had  company  on  the  way  this  time,  in  the  person  of  Oscar  Mifflin. 

Meg  Merry  Lees  was  endowed  with  the  meane  of  indulging  her  taste  for  black  6llk, 
and  Will,  in  remembrance  of  olden  times,  and  because  lie  had  caused  the  deoth  of 
Kate  Coddles,  dear  Dan  caused  that  lady  to  be  well  provided  for, 

The  Waffles'  Sociables  now  have  a  new  and  elegant  hall  fitted  up,  and  John  Chunk 
has  been  appointed  Worthy  Patriarch  and  Master  of  Ceremoni  s.  He  exerts  all  his 
energies  to  have  things  ship-shape,  and  to  cause  the  mcetii  gs  to  be  conducted  on  a 
parliamentary  basis,  and  hopes  before  long  to  place  the  Association  aide  by  side  with 
the  Ameiicus  Club. 

Will  attends  the  meetings  occasions  ly,  in  State,  and  it  Is  doubtful  if  there  is  a  club 
room  in  the  city  more  happy  or  joyous  than  the  "  Wafflesonian,"  where  the  Soc!  shies 
extend  the  hcartv  band  of  welcome  to  their  former  president — Will  WAiei'LKS'  '£llm 

ABAB  OB  TOE  JSJiriBE  ClTY. 


THE  ENLX 


ORNAM  &  Co's.,  FIFTEEN  CENT  ROMANCES. 

No.  I — MYSTERIES  OF  THE  NIGHT. 

BY  JOHN  F.  COWAN. 
This  is  an  admirable  story  of  New  York  Life,  and  shows  up  the  Mysteries  and  Mise- 
ries of  the  American  Metropolis,  with  a  Vivacity  and  Lucidity  seldom  equaled  an4 
never  excelled.  Many  of  the  scenes  are  particularly  exciting,  the  author  having  de- 
picted them  with  a  masterly  hand,  exhibiting  a  wonderful  knowledge  of  Human 
Nature.  A  splendid  work  for  all  who  require  a  new  sensation. 

No.  2.— WILL  WAFFLES;   OR,   THE  FREAKS  AND 
FORTUNES  OF  A  NEWS-BOY. 

If  you  wish  to  spend  a  f  -  w  hours  pleasantly,  buy  a  copy  of  this  wonderfully  amusing 
book.  M  Will  Waffles  "  Is  a  courageous,  big-hearted  News  Boy,  who  knows  all  the 
H  Ins  and  outs  of  City  Life,  "  like  a  dictionary.'1  8hould  you  want  to  visit  Plash- 
kens,"  "  Concert  Saloons,"  "Theatres,"  "Dives,"  or  even  the  Church  and  the 
Opera,  Will  Waffles  is  the  boy  to  guide  you.  In  short  "  Will  Waffles  ■  is  lively  as  * 
cricket,  and  the  newsboys  go  nearly  mad  over  his  adventures. 

No.  3.— OLD  HUNDRED  SCALPS. 

One  of  the  most  mysterious  characters  that  ever  roamed  the  Forest  and  Prairie. 
Indian  after  Indian  succumbed  before  his  invisible  arm,  and  were  found  by  their 
com  ades  lashed  to  trees,  their  scalps  gone,  and  across  their  naked  brea-ts  Marks]* 
with  Figures  or  Blood.  But  he  was  caught  at  last.   Read  and  see  how. 

No.  4— THE  HAND  OF  DEATH. 

Another  story  of  Indian  life,  abounding  in  Thrilling  Scenes,  Ilairbreadth Escapes. 
Sanguinary  Battles  betwixt  Palefaces  and  Redskins,  and  a  variety  of  other  wonderfu' 
adventures  that  cannot  fall  to  make  the  work  sell  like  hot  cakes. 

No.  5. — RED  THUNDERBOLT. 

A  thrilling  tale  of  adventures  among  the  Redskins.  The  Hero,  Red  Thunderbolt,  la 
one  of  the  greatest  warriors  that  ever  marched  across  Forester  Prairie,  Swam  a  River, 
or  Slept  in  a  Wigwam.  His  hostility  to  white  men  was  implacable,  and  he  had  a  very 
peculiar  method  of  taking  scalps  I 


THE  GRAND  DUKE  ALEXIS. 

This  elegant  work  gives  a  graphic  and  most  interesting  description  of  the  young 
Russian  Prince,  the  Grand  Duke  Alexis.  His  grand  reception,  the  magnificent  balls, 
the  gorgeous  scenes  thereof  ;  how  he  dances,  looks  walks  and  talks,  with  what  the 
ladies  think  of  nim,  is  all  described  by  some  of  the  most  accomplished  pens  of  New 
York.  The  covers  are  beautifully  illuminated— one  side  showing  the  Grand  Duke  in 
the  act  of  dancing,  opening  the  Ball ;  and  on  the  other  is  a  correct'representation  of  the 
splendid  Bouquet  of  Roses  presented  to  his  Royal  Highness,  by  the  Belle  of  fhe  Room. 
This  Is  a  valuable  work  of  Reference,  as  well  as  an  Interesting  Souvenier  of  the 
Prince's  visit  to  our  shores. 

For  sale  by  all  News  Dealers,  or  sent  by  mail  on  receipt  of  price— 15  cents. 


THE  HORRORS  OF  CHICAGO. 

In  this  book  the  reader  will  find  a  reliable  hlstorv  of  the  Great,  Fire  of  Chlcego.  Th« 
Raging  of  the  Destructive  Element  f  om beginning  to  end,  is  masterly  depicted,  show* 
lug  scenes  Fearfully  Exciting,  scenes  that  the  bare  remembrance  of  "  harrows  up  the 
eoul  I*'  Statistical  accounts  are  also  appended,  showing  the  lists  of  contributions, 
•mount of  losses,  names  of  principal  buildings  destroyed,  <fcc,  Ac.,  forming  a  work 
that  ought  to  be  in  the  hands  of  every  family.  For  sale  by  all  News  Agents,  or  mat 
fm  ©a  receipt  of  price—  w  cents. 


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OR\UM  «fc  CO'S  FIFTEEIV  CEXT  ROMANCES. 


Mysteries  of  the  Night. 
"Will  Waffles." 
Old  Hundred  Scalps 
The  Hand  of  Death. 
Red  Thunderbolt. 
The  Robber  Chief 


Serpent  Eve. 

The  Black  Mask. 

The  Biack  Lady  of  Duna. 

The  Outlaw's  Doom. 

Red  Arrow. 


"Nilsson  Dance  Book."  15  cents.   "  The  Horrors  of  Chicago  "  15  cents. 


ORXUM  &,  CO'S  "INDIAN  NOVELS." 


No.  1.  Wild  Joe. 

No.  2.  Forked  Lightning 

No.  8.  Big  Knife 

No.  4.  Dick  Whiffles. 

No.  5.  Crack  Skull  Bob. 

No.  6.  Buffalo  Bill's  Last  Scalp. 

No.  7.  Knock  'em  Down  Nick. 

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12  The  Bov  Scalper. 

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No.  5.  The  Mvsterious  Murder 

No.  6.  War-Path. 

No.  7.  Buffalo  Bill's  Ride  for  Life. 

No.  8«  Jack  Sheppar-i. 


ORNUM  <fc  CO'S  TEN  CENT  SONG  AND  JOKE  BOOKS' 

The  "Beauty  of  Broadway"  Songstei|22.  "  Brudder  Bones  Stump  Speech  " 
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188. 
34, 

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|36. 
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39 


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mnmy 

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"Muddor  Bones  Stu,nP  Speech  Book 
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"Jim  Fisk's  Funeral  March"  S'r. 
"  Frank  Lum's  Variety  "  Songster. 
"  Horace  Creel  ev's  C  im.  Joker. 
"Swell  of  the  Rewcrv  "  S'gs'r 
Pint  Sossntre  Billy  "  S(  ngster. 
•  When  the  Band  bec'ns  to  Play." 
"Dov,  n  in  ihd  Coal  ]Minc." 


40  "The  Harp  of  Tara." 

41  "Greeley  Campaign"  Songster. 

42  "Songs  of  Sweet  Ireland"  Sgr. 


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i  —THE  MYSTERIES  OP  THE  NIGHT;  or.  Life  Scenes  in  New  Yoek 

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Na  3_"  OLD  HUNDRED  SCALPS;"  or,  a  Wild  Tale  of  the  Woods.  .  15  Cents 
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ORNUM  &  Cos..  TEN  CENT  SONG  BOOKS, 

The  "Beauty  op  Broadway"  Songster 

The  "  Moonlight- Walk"  Songster. 

The  "  Bewitching  Girl's"  Sonester. 

The  "  Coming  Through  the  Rye"  Songster. 

The  "  Belle  op  the  Blondes"  Songster. 

The  44  Tony  Pastor"  No  You  Don't,  Songster. 

The  "Biddy  Toole"  Songster. 

The  "  The  Fenian  Martyrs"  Cushla  Gal  Machre,  Songster. 

The  "  Girl  on  the  Wire"  Songster. 

The  'Harry  Hell"  Songster.   With  a  Portrait  of  "  Harry  HilL" 

The  "  Lake  Shore  on  Sunday  Night"  Songster. 

The  "  Young  Man  prom  the  Country"  Songster. 

The  "Kiss  Me  before  You  Go"  Songster. 

The  "Nilsson"  Songster.    Portrait  of  "Christine  Nilsson/' 

The  "Happy  Nigger  Joseph"  Songster. 

The  "  Come  Sit  by  My  Side  Little  Darling"  Songster. 

The  'Frank  Lum's  Last  Sensation"  Songster. 

The  "  When  the  Corn  is  Waving  ANNra"  Songster. 

The  "  John  Brougham's  Exile  op  Erin'  Songster. 

The  "  Burning  op  Chicago"  Songster. 

The  '  Whiskey  on  the  Brain"  Songster. 


NEW  JOKE  BOOKS. 


The  G.  L.  FOX.  "Wee  Willie  Winkee"  Joker. 

The  -  JIM  MACE"  Reciter.   Portrait  of  Jim  Mace  and  Cobubn 

The  "  Gallant  Jimmy  Fiske"  Joker. 
The  "  Brudder  Bones  Stump  Speech  and  Joke  Book. 

IW  The  above  books  are  never  out  of  print,  and  are  nlwav*«  for  *nle  by  aTl  Newsdeal- 
ers, or  sent,  post  paid,  to  any  address,  on  receipt  of  price— Ten  Cents. 

A  Co..  I»nl>lf«lror«. 

P.O.Box  3043.  HrlSW  YORK. 


